Setback: A Reversal in Progress

I've got to be honest.  I've suffered a setback.  I've slipped back a bit to my old ways of working too much and allowing my stress to climb too high.

For me, the biggest weakness I have is to allow work to consume too much of my time and my mind.  I don't shut off the business and cause myself unnecessary stress.  Most of this is of my own doing.  I truly believe we all have a choice when it comes to work life balance.  

If you do not like where you're at, you either need to change your attitude or change your situation. 

I live by this motto and you should too.  We spend far too much time complaining and far too little time actively directing our own play.  And spare me the excuse that you're stuck for X, Y, or Z reason.  You're  stuck if you let yourself be stuck.  You move forward if you choose to take steps forward.

I've allowed myself to be consumed by my job because well, old habits die hard.  I've taken the stresses home and dwelled too long on the pieces I don't enjoy.  I can feel it in my lack of sleep, difficulty focusing, and my pulling away from the people around me.  I'm irritable, exhausted, and easily frustrated.  

It's not a fun realization when I see myself slipping back into my old way of living.  

Thankfully, I've caught myself on the downward slide and I'm confronting the issues head on.  I'm deciding to put a stop to it and turn myself right back around in a positive direction.

I know what you're thinking - am I going to change my attitude or change my situation?  Right now, in order to remain sane, I'm changing my attitude.  I'm stopping myself when I talk too much about the negative and I'm redirecting my energies to positive situations.  If at the end of the day I'm unable to exist in my situation after changing my attitude, then I'll change my situation.

Setbacks are inevitable.  Learning to change conditioned behavior is one of the hardest struggles out there.  And it only gets worse as we get older.  Take comfort in being able to recognize when you're faced with a setback.  Cut yourself a break as you reengage your focus and shift your energies to the right path.  A setback can easily be turned into one hell of a comeback if you're brave enough to try.  

Time is a Choice

We all have the same 24 hours in a day.  Not one single human being gets 25 hours or 14 hours.  We all get 24 hours and that's it.  No more, no less.  How you choose to spend that time is up to you. 

Seriously.  Stop making excuses or saying you have to do something.  Whether it be work, appointments, who you spend your time with, that's a choice.  You can always choose to make a change.  You can always choose who you give your moments to.

I get it.  Some things you legit have to do (thanks smart ass).  You have to go to the doctor.  Get your car fixed.  But realistically 98% of the things you do, they're a choice.

We are all important.  But I think a lot of us get trapped into warped levels of importance.  I've always had jobs that have long hours.  And I've missed a lot of life events, put my health at risk, allowed personal relationships to be put on the back burner.  And for a really long time, I used that as an excuse.   Ultimately, missing these things, missing time with people - those were choices I made.

Of course there are times when work does prevent you from being somewhere.  And sometimes you're tired - but if you find yourself saying no or I can't to things really often - you're making a conscious choice to prioritize certain things and put others on the back burner.  And that's ok.

It's ok as long as you own what you're doing as a choice.  Your priorities are your own to make.  But making excuses, claiming you have to do something, that's not owning up to the reality of being a grown up. 

Being a grown up means realizing that time is a choice, a really precious choice, and how you choose to spend your time is incredibly personal.  But pretending that your time is anymore important, any less of a choice - thank anyone else - well its BS and its insulting to the people around you.

Time is limited.  How you choose to spend your limited time is something you should think critically about.  Get strategic and focused. Dedicate the most time to you and those closest to you.  Choosing where and how you spend your time is choosing joy.  And choosing to accept that there's no excuses for your unhappiness, no excuses for never seeing someone, and no excuses for not getting things done. 

You have the same 24 hours a day that everyone else has.  You don't care about their excuses so why are you listening to yours?

Friends Forever ... Ish.

Growing up I didn't fit into any social circle.  I was an athlete, a weirdo, on Homecoming court, a comedian, a little bit of everything.  I pride myself on being able to get along with most groups of people.  But what I didn't learn until I grew up was that there's a distinct difference between being able to fit into any social setting and calling those people my friends.  It's critically important to understand that while you can be friendly with a lot of people, your friendship circle of your nearest and dearest are your people. 

A few years ago I was expressing my frustration about a close friend to another friend.  He told me something that changed my entire perspective on friendships.  He told me that I need to understand that friends fit into boxes.  You've got your ride or dies, your friends you party with, friends you work with, etc.  And as long as you understand the type of friend you're dealing with, you can prevent frustration through reasonable expectations for that friend type.  So if you're out with a friend who you only call to party with, you can't expect they're the friend that you can turn to in need, that's not their role in your life. 

As we get older, our needs from our friendships change.  And we change.  Our friends change.  The boxes those friends fit in change.  Pay attention to what your people show you.  The friend you used to consider one of your closest confidants may now just be an acquaintance.  Your go to party animal may now be someone you call when you're in crisis. 

The point is to understand people and relationships are ever evolving.  And that's ok. Once you understand what you need and where your people fit into those needs as well as who doesn't fit any longer, you're able to feel at peace with the evolution of relationships. 

 As someone who used to spend a lot of time trying to maintain every friendship I had, I can attest to how exhausting that was.  Having spent the last few years putting this new philosophy into practice, I can say that it's helped me to find peace with the process of losing friends, gaining new ones, and jumping back into old relationships.  I've lost friends I once considered family.  I've gained new friends I don't think I could live without.  And I've gotten back in touch with childhood best friends as if no time has passed.

I'm thankful that I have a core group of friends who have become family.  And those select few won't ever leave my life (seriously, I'll find you.) I know they're forever.  And I invest most of my time on those people.  But the other boxes are great to have as I evolve and they evolve.  At the end of the day, being able to understand that some people are meant to be in our lives for only a short time, is a huge skill.  Appreciate people while you have them, appreciate who they are and the role they play in your life.

You also need to have an understanding of what friendship box you fit into in people's lives.  Who are you to the people around you?  Be self aware, decide if being in the party box or the best friend box is what you're comfortable being in those relationships.  Just because you're considered a party friend to someone doesn't mean you have to stay in that box.  Take yourself out of the equation or step up and be a better friend, make your way to the BFF box.  In the same sentiment, just because you consider a friend part of a certain box doesn't mean that's where they want to be.  Just like you show them who you are with your actions, they show you what you mean to them, pay attention to that. 

Relationships are complicated.  They come with really big highs and really low lows.  The more you know who you are, and love who that is - the easier it is to stabilize your relationships and expectations with everyone else.  Because first and foremost, the most important relationship you will ever have - the one that ultimately defines the success of every other relationship in your life, is your relationship with YOU.