New Year, Same Sparkle

It’s that time of year! New Year, same sparkle! That’s right, it’s the time we celebrate all that’s happened in 2021 and look forward to the fresh year that is 2022.

If you’re looking for resolutions and declarations of change, this is not the blog for you. I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions.

2021 gets 4/5 stars. Which is really weird to think about because I had so much struggle with my mental and physical health. But I also moved back to Colorado, where I’ve wanted to come back to for almost 10 years and I bought my first home, something I never thought I’d achieve.

It’s been one of those years that makes no sense. A giant roller coaster of “life is amazing” immediately followed by “WTF is happening.”

I’ve continued the journey of being more open about my mental health, growing into a better version than I was the day before, and investing my time and energy into the things that bring me joy.

I’ve been really committed to the simplicity that can be found in asking “does this make me happy.” If it doesn’t, if a person doesn’t, I release it. If it does, I invest more time in it.

I’ve had a major shift in my career goals. I’m uninterested in leveling up in title or responsibility and instead deeply value showing up somewhere that is healthy and that challenges me but respects my personal time. I want to do big things at home just as much as I do at work. I finally get it.

The theme of the year has honestly been simply to experience the most joy I possibly can. And when I can’t, to be kind, patient and empathetic to myself until I can experience joy.

I have been more selfish. And I love that.

I have changed so much in the last year and I’m so excited about where I am going.

In 2022, I want more of 2021. Maybe less surprise negatives, but certainly more of the growth, joy and adventure.

I want to travel more (pending covid), write more, connect more, share more and be overall MORE. I want to catch more sunsets, log more miles up new mountains, hug more of my loved ones, laugh every single day and chase all the dreams I now realize are beyond possible.

I hope that 2022 brings me a new year filled with all the same sparkles that make me the person I am. And I hope that you get lots of the same.

Cheers!

Back to our regularly scheduled programming...

It’s been almost 6 months since I published a blog. In the almost 6 years I’ve been writing, that’s the longest break I’ve ever taken.

The last 6 months have been filled with really high highs and really low lows. I moved states, bought my first home, fell out of love with a job, had to deal with a past job being very much in the spotlight (and bringing up old traumas), had a tumor removed in my breast - and so much more.

Life became really overwhelming. Blogging felt like a chore. So I stopped.

I blog because it’s a form of therapy for me. When it stopped being therapeutic, I knew I needed a break.

I’m still dealing with some of the heavy things I had been throughout these 6 months. I am however I think dealing with them in a much healthier way.

I’m not sure if this will go back to being a weekly thing for me. I do want to get back to writing, but I want to make sure it stays fun. I want to make sure I’m continuing to focus on balance and not doing all the things all the time.

We all know I love a list. So I wanted to make a list of some of the things I’ve learned in my time away…

1. Rest is not only ok, it is required in order to thrive

2. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you choose to change and grow

3. Your goals are allowed to change. Your priorities are allowed to change

4. The people that make you feel bad in life aren’t your people. Stay away from them

5. The people who make you feel like sunshine are your tribe. Keep them close

6. Be selfish. Put yourself first

7. Life is complicated. Some years are full of utter devastation and intense wins. That’s confusing. It’s ok to sit with that.

8. If you don’t ask for what you want, you won’t get it

9. Careers don’t define you. Titles don’t mean much. You can pivot at any time

10. Your time is valuable. Never forget how important it is.

I’ve had a super confusing year. It’s been a lot of BIG changes. I never really sat to experience all that’s happened and that means I’ve missed a lot of unpacking the emotions with it all. Some days I can’t get over how lucky I am. Other days I want to quit everything and move to a new country. I kind of think that’s life for a lot of us these past two years.

I hope my passion for writing and the words come back to me in droves now that I’ve got a better handle on things. But if they don’t, that’s ok too.

For the time being, we are back to our regularly scheduled programming here.

An Update

I started this blog five years ago! I know! Since then, I’ve moved three more times, changed industries, fallen in love with who I am, been in and out of relationships — whew — it’s been a journey.

And it’s been so much fun. But more and more, I’m finding blogging a chore more than a joy.

So I’ve made a decision. Instead of promising a blog weekly, I’m going to cut back. I might blog every other week, I might blog once a month — I’m going to blog when it feels right and when I truly want to say something.

I’m finally back in my dream city, working on buying my first condo, working at a company I genuinely enjoy, I’m in love with who I am and where I’m going, I’m spending less time online and more time living.

I’m also chasing dreams that I’ve put to the side for years. Like writing a book. And traveling the world more and more. And connecting on a deeper level with the people that are important to me. I’m cooking more — and genuinely enjoying a healthy relationship with food. I’m working out because I love how it makes me feel — not because I want it to change my body. I’m stepping away from work as my primary focus, and I’m detaching from the idea that my work makes me any more valuable as a person.

I’m living my best life and it feels incredible.

I’m not sure what my journey has in store. But I do know, if it’s not bringing me joy, I’m going to let it go. My whole focus is building a life that makes me happy.

So I thank those of you who have been reading for the last five years. I hope you’ll stick with me as I develop a new relationship with blogging.

Writing is deeply healing for me, and this blog has proven I’ll never be able to give it up. Who knows, maybe published author is in my future…

Until then…sparkle on sequins!

Shine Bright. Be Bold.

I have lived by the motto “Shine Bright. Be Bold.” for a really long time. In fact, ir’s the tagline on the front page of this blog. But what does that mean to me?

Shine bright means owning who you are unapolagetically. It means allowing your soul to guide you in everything you do. To shine bright means to exist in the world in a way that is authentically letting the YOU be your guiding light. For me, that means owning that I am loud, happy, fun, and sparkle obsessed. I am a lot and not everyone will love me, but I’m going to shine bright anyways.

Be bold means to take risks. To push yourself. To ask more of yourself and those around you. It means to dare to get the most out of the short time we have on this Earth. To me, being bold means to be scared and do it anyways.

Whenever I make decisions in life, I check in with how each choice meets the expectations of my motto. Leave home for a brand new state? That’s bold. Refuse to accept being told I’m too much? That’s shining really bright.

A motto helps me feel like I’ve got a true North. It helps me to get through life with my values in tact. It’s also completely something my type A, former athlete, control freak self thrives on.

At a time when a lot of folks are looking to create resolutions and life changes — may I suggest a life motto? Something that represents your values and your desires in life.

A motto is an incredible way to hold yourself accountable for the foreseeble future. And the great thing about it - it can evolve as you evolve!

The best part about a motto? It reminds me of being on a team. The very best team — my own! Shine Bright, Be Bold is my anthem. It keeps me focused on #1, ME!

Get you a motto and next level your life!

Quarantine Reflections: A Summary

OOOOO WEE that was a long one! Here in the Bay Area we have been on a shelter in place for almost 3 months. And while I know a whole lot of people who didn’t take that seriously (aka crappy humans), I and my family & most of my friends really did.

Everyone says the world will be forever changed. Which seems obvious. We’ve gone through a global pandemic. Changing how we interact with each other, how we do business, and what we deem essential.

As I make my way back into my new normal, I’m taking the time to think about what I want to take with me and what I’d like to leave behind from before this all started.

When I think about the things I’d like to let go of (or make a solid effort to because old habits die hard), here’s what I’ve narrowed my list down to:

• Things: Yes, my last piece was about the ridiculous things I’ve purchased on Amazon but for the most part, I’m learning that the things I think I need, I don’t. They’re just things. I can get by on less. I cleaned out my closet twice during the shelter in place and came up with five giant garbage bags of clothes, shoes, accessories - things - I can live without. I’m still going to make some impulse buys, but I’m really going to choose to be thoughtful about my purchases and whether or not I need them or they’re cluttering my home and life.

• Prioritizing Work: I have always put work first. I am driven to succeed and that will not change. I am going to choose to set better boundaries at work and realize that my entire life cannot revolve around work. I started to notice that it controlled my mood, my self worth and guided most decisions. Then the world stopped and my life wasn’t 24/7 work. I didn’t want it to be. I wanted to see my friend and family, I wanted to explore, and I wanted to do more than just work. I’ll still be a high achiever, but that’s possible in a healthier way.

• Helping Others: I am a giver. Truly being able to be financially stable has made me happiest because I can give back to those around me who are important to me. Yet I’m also really getting a new perspective on letting that guide my everyday. I want to work on things that help others and solve the world’s problems. Thankfully I am at a company that allows for that to happen in my work life. In my personal life, I want to continue to be an advocate for those who don’t have my privilege. I want to keep talking about women’s healthcare and the rights to make choices about our own bodies. And I want to be even more mindful about where I spend my money so that I am not supporting businesses and people who do not prioritize doing the right thing. I want to let go of buying to buy or giving to give and I want to be intentional about where my money goes to ensure it’s supporting the things I believe in.

When I think about what I want to carry with me from this into the new world, here’s my focus:

• Say No: I am going to stop with the pressures of saying yes just to say yes. I’m going to get over the anxiety I get in saying no to things I think I “should” be doing. I don’t know when or if something like this will happen again. I don’t know when I won’t have the opportunity to see someone else again. And I’ve also seen some people take really ugly selfish actions during this time. I’m going to say no to the people and things that don’t bring me joy. Instead I am going to make sure that I’m putting my time and energy into the people who mean the most and who show me I mean the most to them.

• Travel: I miss travel more than anything. I never really thought about how big a role it plays in my life but when I reflect back, I’m generally on an airplane or in the car on the way to an adventure more than I am not. While financially my goal is to own a home soon (not in California…those who know me well can guess where I’ll be headed to next), I am also going to get back to traveling. Not sure how realistic getting out of the country is in 2020, but there are plenty of places in the United States worth visiting. And a whole lot of loved ones to see in this beautiful country.

• Vulnerability: I have always been very resilient. For the first month or so of this thing, I was perfectly content being at home. When month two hit, I started to struggle with anxiety, PTSD, and some depression that I had never experienced before. I didn’t know how to handle it. I used my tools, went to therapy but I was still struggling. Still am sometimes if I’m being honest. As much as I talk about my mental health, I still keep things pretty close to the chest. I was forced to open up to some of my friends and family though because I flat out needed help. I hope to continue to find the strength to do that. It’s incredibly scary and I am incredibly self conscious about it, but I feel closer to the people who matter most when I risk that vulnerability.

Finally, I hope that as a world we learn empathy. I hope that despite a truly disgusting time in America led by a horrific President, we choose to fight back with love. So many people have chosen to give back to complete strangers because of a belief in doing the right thing. We as an entire global community have to exist together with the resources we are given. It’s impossible to keep things going in a positive direction without remembering that. I would rather make the world better for as many people as possible than only have a select few thrive. If that means I have to give up a little bit of what I’ve got so someone else can feed their family, sign me up.

A global pandemic is really not something I ever thought we’d face in my lifetime. It’s been like a movie and something I’m very much living but also extremely detached from. Because I have a job, healthcare benefits, a roof over my head and a support system — I have been able to treat this as a bit of a break from chaos. I even think it’s been healthy for me in many ways. I also firmly believe that Mother Nature was screaming and we weren’t listening and so she decided to take action.

Look — I get it, I’m one of the lucky ones in all of this. So because I have been, I’m going to count my blessings, see the silver lining, and let this time push me to be a better person for myself and others.

I hope that even if you haven’t been so lucky, you take the time to reflect on what you can leave behind and what you can renew as we all come together in our new reality.