New Year, Same Sparkle

It’s that time of year! New Year, same sparkle! That’s right, it’s the time we celebrate all that’s happened in 2021 and look forward to the fresh year that is 2022.

If you’re looking for resolutions and declarations of change, this is not the blog for you. I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions.

2021 gets 4/5 stars. Which is really weird to think about because I had so much struggle with my mental and physical health. But I also moved back to Colorado, where I’ve wanted to come back to for almost 10 years and I bought my first home, something I never thought I’d achieve.

It’s been one of those years that makes no sense. A giant roller coaster of “life is amazing” immediately followed by “WTF is happening.”

I’ve continued the journey of being more open about my mental health, growing into a better version than I was the day before, and investing my time and energy into the things that bring me joy.

I’ve been really committed to the simplicity that can be found in asking “does this make me happy.” If it doesn’t, if a person doesn’t, I release it. If it does, I invest more time in it.

I’ve had a major shift in my career goals. I’m uninterested in leveling up in title or responsibility and instead deeply value showing up somewhere that is healthy and that challenges me but respects my personal time. I want to do big things at home just as much as I do at work. I finally get it.

The theme of the year has honestly been simply to experience the most joy I possibly can. And when I can’t, to be kind, patient and empathetic to myself until I can experience joy.

I have been more selfish. And I love that.

I have changed so much in the last year and I’m so excited about where I am going.

In 2022, I want more of 2021. Maybe less surprise negatives, but certainly more of the growth, joy and adventure.

I want to travel more (pending covid), write more, connect more, share more and be overall MORE. I want to catch more sunsets, log more miles up new mountains, hug more of my loved ones, laugh every single day and chase all the dreams I now realize are beyond possible.

I hope that 2022 brings me a new year filled with all the same sparkles that make me the person I am. And I hope that you get lots of the same.

Cheers!

Anxious Mess

My anxiety has finally caught up with me and I’m a bit of a mess. Nothing wild, I haven’t made any questionable decisions, it’s been more of just an overall feeling of being tense that I can’t seem to shake.

And I honestly couldn’t figure out why.

Well let’s think. In the last 6 months (while we’ve still been in a pandemic) I have moved states, gotten a new (very busy) job, and moved in with my parents while I buy my first home.

Whew. That’s exhausting to read about. And I’ve been living it without stopping to consider that’s a whole lot of change in a year full of change.

I need to cut myself a break.

And I need to prioritize whatever I need to do in order to actually make that happen.

What I find when I get this way, which in all honestly, I rarely feel this anxious this consistently — but when I do, it causes me to be really hard on myself in every way. I think it’s an attempt to get some control back.

Lately I’m more insecure, meaner to myself, and pull away from people more.

I don’t actually have a healthy solution here. I don’t have the answers. It’s more to say I’m in this place and I’m trying to find my way back but I’m not there yet.

Sometimes I think that’s huge in and of itself. When you recognize where you are, what’s causing it, and that it’s not great - that can be a really big step.

I love that we are talking about mental health more, but I wish more people spoke up when they don’t have an answer. When it’s jsut a hard time you need to work your way through.

Don’t feel bad for just knowing something is wrong but not knowing how to fix it. For a lot of people, figuring out there’s a problem is the biggest step you can take.