Growing up, I associated feminism with women who complained a lot. Feminism was negative. It was women who annoyingly shunned anything conventionally feminine. I don't know where or how I developed this view. I come from a family of strong, independent, fearless women. The men in our family celebrate and encourage us.
Today, I am openly, proudly - a feminist. And no, this does not mean I hate men. This means I believe in women as an equal class. I believe we are deserving of equal pay and respect. I believe we are more than our looks. We are more than stereotypes and double standards. We deserve change. We deserve to not have a culture surrounded by blaming us for being raped. I believe we should be asked about more than who we are dating or what we are wearing. And I strongly believe that we should talk about these things until everyone feels as uncomfortable with what happens to us as we feel every. single. day.
So let's just get really uncomfortable. Because I would love to share with you some of the situations I've encountered in work and in life.
- A male executive once got frustrated with me and yelled in front of the entire floor "You're really bossy" simply for explaining something he wanted me to do was unethical
- At a work event a male executive took credit for a big deal I negotiated, in front of me, to other male executives he was hoping to impress
- I was once told to wear a low cut top because we would be meeting with military men at a meeting the following day
- I have been told by a boss that women are meant to be quiet, not loud and opinionated
- When I was sexually assaulted by a football player in college, I didn't press charges because I was too scared I would be shamed. When I confided in a male friend, he blamed alcohol, not my attacker.
- I have been told I'm too much and if I want to find a husband, I should learn to express my opinions less
- When I tell people I've worked in professional sports the first question they ask is how many athletes I've slept with.
- I was once told by a male superior that I need to "brush off" any time I'm hit on at work because I should be flattered.
- I expressed to a male supervisor that I was feeling bullied and sexually harassed and his response was "I don't see that happening, but I'm part of the boys club so I guess that doesn't apply to me."
- I move about every 2 years, constantly in chase of my dreams - and yet the first thing people ask me when they haven't seen me in awhile is "Are you dating anyone?"
- One time - a drunk male executive asked myself and three other female employees "who we were fucking" at work
- A female coworker once told me if I used my looks more instead of my voice - I would get a lot farther with my career
- When I expressed my outrage at the Brock Turner case and his lack of punishment - no less than 5 men responded saying shouldn't the girl not have gotten so drunk?
- A male friend once told me that he would never date a rape victim because she is dirty
- In a meeting to brainstorm event ideas I was told to bring in dancers in bikinis and the tickets would sell themselves
- A male coworker told me I have big boobs why am I always covering them up at work? I should show them more and people would listen to me more often.
- A male manager commented on hiring a recent employee "She's so hot, dumb as shit, but so hot, I had to hire her."
- An ex boyfriend told me it was cute that I ran Division One track. A cute hobby I had.
- My first week of work I was told the owner of the company preferred women wear heels, so I needed to wear them as much as possible.
- I cannot begin to count how many times I've been called a bitch. To my face, behind my back - simply for having a strong opinion and refusing to take crap from anyone.
Keep in mind - these are just a sample of the things I've seen, heard and experienced. Things I can recite as I sit here and write this. If I actually took the time to think back, there are a lot more I could talk about.
To me - none of these are shocking. To my friends, none of these are shocking. The more I talk to my fierce lady friends, the more I learn I'm far from alone in my experiences. And that gets me fired up. Forget the fact that women are your mothers, your sisters, your lovers, your friends, even YOU - women are human beings. And human beings deserve better.
Sure - you could be quiet about it. You could choose not to get involved, but in my book, that makes you part of the problem. And you could say that boys will be boys, but that's just ignorant. Most of the men in my life are feminists too. And you could say I'm just loud. And you're right about that - but I am respectful, educated, and passionate - I'm not just loud.
As a culture - we need to stop ignoring the things that happen around us and to us. We need to stop qualifying behaviors. I'm a woman of action. I want solutions. And let me be very clear - these solutions apply to men AND women. We are equally responsible for this great burden.
- Start Young: Teach your children about equality. Not just gender equality, equality of the human race. Teach your children they are not better than anyone. And that our differences should be celebrated. Teach them to ask questions so that you're able to clear up confusion they may have about gender, race and class. Teach your daughters they are strong, smart and kind. They are beautiful because of who they are, not what they look like. And teach your sons to respect women, to treat them as equals.
- Check yourself: Take a second to check where you're at and how you're treating the women around you and how you're talking about women. We often get set in our ways and forget that we are a work in progress. It's important to step back and say where am I at mentally, what are my views, how am I treating people. Talk to your circle, ask them how you make them feel. It's important to make sure that you aren't just who you think you are, that you really are a positive and evolving human.
- Speak Up: I left a job I loved because of an environment that was toxic. I was treated as less than because I was a woman with an opinion. I was told that if I learned to play the game, to accept the situation and to conform, I would be set in my situation. But I'm not that person. I respect myself and I respect women too much to be silent. Did I change the world by speaking up? Did I insight some big rebellion because I fought back? Not even close. But I know that I inspired others to get out. And I will continue to speak up because if I don't, I'm allowing the world to tell me I'm not enough. My one voice may not create a new way of life, but my one voice will affect others, and those others will speak up too. And eventually, that's a movement.
- Learn: Education is the solution to every problem. The more you learn, the more informed your choices, words, and actions are. Learn about feminism. Learn about what it's like to be a woman today. Talk to the women around you. Not everyone has the same experiences. Not every woman is the same. Recognize that our differences as women are part of feminism. It's part of saying I don't agree with you but I respect your right as an equal to live that way. Read a book, watch the news, check out some legal text. Be informed. Be open minded. Women are badass - if you need some examples, please ask me - I'm happy to provide you some!
- Practice What You Preach: So now you're educated, informed, you're speaking up and you're committed to gender equality. Put it into practice. Be about that action boss. Be one more voice for change and for equality. It only takes one voice, one person to say you're worthy, I value you, you're equal - to change a life. And that my friends, that's how me make this mission a movement.
So I'm a feminist. I'm feminine. I'm athletic. I'm loud. I'm fierce. I'm girly. I'm funny. I'm a little weird. I'm sparkles. I'm whatever I want to be. And being a feminist means having the right to be whatever I want to be, being given the same opportunities as a man, and it means that women are human beings.
Feminists come in all shapes and sizes. Feminists are entrepreneurs who travel the world with their husbands. Feminists are moms who stay home and raise strong babies. Feminists are stylish crafty committed to healthy lifestyle career women. Feminists are quiet sweet hippies who radiate kindness. Feminists are loud and proud lesbians who run legal offices. Feminists are men who commit to strong opinionated women because they value a woman who knows her worth. Feminists are men who move across the country for their wives because she wants to follow her career dreams. Feminists are male CEO's of companies who ask their wives for business advice.
The only requirement for being a feminist is to believe that women are people, men are people, and those people are equal. What does feminism mean to you? What do women mean to you?
