Ears Closed

Lately - everyone wants to talk, but nobody wants to listen.  For some reason, politics have become more divisive than ever.  It's seemingly very important to have two distinct categories of people - liberal and conservative.  

Instead of engaging in meaningful conversation - discussion even - we are at odds in a way that lends  itself to fierce battle.  If someone disagrees with you, there's a heated back and forth until someone finally gives up, shoots a hateful retort and leaves the conversation.  Ultimately this leads to one person accusing the other of being unable to accept anyone who isn't like them.  and the other person accusing that first person of being hateful and ignorant.  And so the cycle continues.

Some things we all need to understand to create an environment conducive to change:

1. There is ONE side here, it's humanity.  We all live here, we all have to find a way to make it work or shit's about to get really unsafe for us all.  
2. We all have to give up some pride and be willing to truly listen and be open to a middle ground
3. Not one person EVER needs to accept hate, ignorance, or bigotry into their world.  If you are engaging with someone who simply does not understand they are speaking from a place of privilege, racism, sexism - remove yourself from that situation.  That's not refusing to accept a different opinion, that's refusing to accept we have to continue the cycle we are currently in.
4. Time is up.  We don't have anymore time to keep fighting each other.  Compromises have to be made and action has to be taken. NOW

I'm going to keep it 100 - I threw up in my purse hungover less than six months ago, so relying on me for all of the answers, that's probably not how we should save the world.  But I think we can look to me for some guidance on how to start engaging in a better way.  And even if we can't, I'm going to try.

1. Communicate: Talk with others, not to them.  It's respectable to stand by your opinion, but sometimes it's important to understand when your opinion isn't relevant, respectful, or productive.  Stop already crafting a response to someone's opinion before you've even heard what they have to say.  Everyone wants to peak but nobody wants to listen.  For example.  Gun policy.  I don't really care if you think we need them or should ban them all - we have to all understand what we have right now is not working.  So let's all be open to finding out what will work, getting research and facts around that and then committing to something that works.  
2. Educate: Everyone is an expert.  Everyone has facts.  Realistically, we are all probably mostly wrong or relying on the wrong sources.  Educate yourself.  Find legitimate sources for your news and facts.  To be very clear, there is no doubt Fox News is incredibly bias so lets all stop kidding ourselves there.  Understand where studies are funded when you quote their facts.
3. Equality: At the end of the day, everyone is deserving of equality so if that's not something you're willing to accept or engage with, you've got to understand we are leaving you behind in this discussion.  If you accept racism, sexism, hate, bigotry as existing in your world - if you refuse to acknowledge we have a problem with privilege and racism - we have to drop you off here because the future deserve better.

I see a lot of people in the world engaging with other people in the ugliest way.  I've been accused of being hateful and not open to other opinions myself - and while that's extremely misguided (and often from the people who don't understand racism or privilege) - I think it would be ignorant of me not to pause and review what I say when that does occur.  Not one of us is perfect, and we all have moments that we get too heated.  So if you have the opportunity to reflect and improve - do so - if only to help produce a more efficient future.  And ultimately, if you find yourself engaging with someone who truly isn't open to change - its important for your sanity - and for the sake of productivity - to simply wish them well and remove them from your world.  There's enough well meaning people out there - on both "sides" that we can create a better future for ourselves and generations to come.

How to be a Man Right Now

I've heard it said recently that its really hard to be a man in a world surrounded by #MeToo.  And to be completely honest with you, that's bullshit.  

What I will concede is that it is a very confusing time to be a guy.  So how do you react in a world where you feel intimidated by your every move?  How do you know what to say to the women around you speaking up?  

First and foremost, understand that staying silent is staying complacent with the status quo.  Women need your support and we need your voice to make a change.

But where do you start?

Understand this isn't About You

Women do not hate you.  We are not trying to emasculate you.  Women do not blame all men.  We do not think all men are horrible predators.  This isn't about you.  This is about the situational experiences of women each and every day in the most normal of circumstances and how we feel about the things that have happened, and continue to happen to us.  

Ask Questions

Talk to the women closest to you and understand what #MeToo means to them.  Engage in a conversation that affords you a safe space to ask questions and listen to honest responses.  Take the time to speak to a couple different women to get different perspectives about the movement.  There's no one story that embodies what's happening right now and unfortunately we all have a story.  

Speak Up

We need your voice.  We need you to say I am so sorry for what you've endured.  We need a commitment from you to hold your friends, colleagues, and yourself accountable for helping prevent these instances from occurring.  We need your voice to say I hear you, and I stand by you for speaking your truth.  That's it.  

Those are all lovely suggestions, but how do you put them into practice?

• See something, say something.  A work, at the bar, at dinner with friends.  When you see something that's not ok, speak up.  Tell someone.  Get help.  Stop watching it happen.
• Reflect.  Have you ever put anyone in a questionable situation?  Have any guilt or confusion?  Figure out where you may have crossed the line and be cognizant of that in the future.  
• Provide support to the women who mean the most to you.  Listen to them, offer resources for professional help.  Show you care and follow through.
• Educate yourself.  Google #TimesUp, read about #MeToo, do a little research through ACLU.  Pickup a book from a survivor, browse one of the many studies out there with science to support our concerns.
• Be an activist.  Attend a march, donate to one of the many foundations aiming to specifically create equal rights for women in the world.  Write your congressmen.  Vote for qualified women running for office.
• Get Socially Active.  I think even having the courage to say you see what's happening and you don't condone it, that you support those speaking up is huge.  It takes guts to put yourself out there publicly and we appreciate it.

It's only a terrible time to be a terrible guy.  Be a good guy, and its always a great time to be a guy.

Feminism

fem·i·nism

[ˈfeməˌnizəm]

NOUN

1. the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.

Today, I want to refresh what feminism means and why I'm a feminist.  While we've definitely made 2017 the year of the woman - I think in all of the happenings in the world - some people have either forgotten what feminism means and what true feminists are fighting for or they’ve turned feminism into villanism. 

Feminism is not a dirty word.  Feminism is powerfully positive.  

Feminism is (amongst many other things):

1. The belief in equality of the sexes
2. A fight to bring women's interests and rights to the forefront of politics
3. A social rights movement
4. Bringing education about women's interests and rights to the public eye
5. Encouraging women to stand up for themselves and their beliefs - even when we do not agree on the same beliefs

Feminism is not (among many other things):

1. Women who hate men
2. Women attempting to take away rights of men (unless they infringe upon equality)
3. Emasculating men
4. Only for Democrats
5. Only about reproductive rights

Feminism is believing women should have the same rights in this country as men do.  And it's believing women have a voice that is just as important as any man's.  And real feminists believe that while we may not all agree with each other, we will fight for your right to believe in those values (unless they direct hate or inequality to others).  

I am a feminist because I believe in myself.  I am a feminist because I believe in other women.  I am a feminist because I first and foremost value equality over hate, ignorance, and creating laws that exclude others based upon gender, sexuality, or race. 

I believe I should be paid the same as men.  I believe I should make choices about my body without interference from others.  I believe my voice is just as powerful as any man's.  I believe I am worthy of as much respect as any man.  I believe I am more than what I look like. 

I am a feminist and I believe in equality.

Before you bash feminism, call feminists "feminazis" or refer to the movement as exclusive, angry, or for women only - educate yourself.  Do the research, talk to women who are fighting for what feminism actually stands for.  The world would be a whole lot better if we were all feminists.

Politically Correct

2016 is the year of the political expert.  Every other post on Facebook is a political opinion from someone who decided its cool to be involved and thus has to voice their opinion to the masses to keep up.  And we should be politically involved.  But its more important to be politically informed.  There's a lot of what I'm calling the parrot effect going on.  Someone sees or hears something and repeats it with no educational research behind it.  And that's where we get the most dangerous voter out there - the uninformed, do what's popular voter.  The person who has no idea the implications of their vote or the responsibility associated.  I dare to guess a good 50% of these parrots are probably not even registered to vote.

Between the social injustices, political abuse, gun violence, and abuse of power in America right now - 2016 is a critical voting year.  We are also in a Presidential year with two candidates who in my opinion really showcase the dangerous time we are in as a country.  The ramifications from voting in 2016 are huge.  Who we choose to lead us, how we vote on issues big and small is going to shape us for the next decade. 

Now this isn't about how to vote, I'm not going to begin to share my views politically or even open up a discussion on political opinions.  The most important political view I have is to be informed.  Do your research.  I don't care if you're voting on a water tax for your small hometown or on the President of the United States - be equally as aware of what that vote means.  Do not cast one vote without having made an informed decision as to what that vote means to the world around you. 

In a month, in a year, whenever politics become just another part of life and not at the forefront of our minds - I don't want to be living in a world that was decided because it was cool to talk about. 

Now I also want to address another dangerous voter out there - the close minded loud mouth.  This is the person who yells the loudest and has the strongest opinion.  The person who during a political discussion isn't listening - they're waiting for their opportunity to disagree with you - loudly.  How are we ever going to get along, to effect change if we live in a world full of people who aren't open to other opinions?  In a world of billions - you've got an equal number of different life experiences thus billions of different views.  Life experiences shape us and determine our political and social opinions.  It's reasonable to expect that even the most open minded person is still going to have some part of them that sticks to their opinions based on life experience.  However - if we continue to shout arguments at each other and not truly listen to what another person has to say - there will be no change.  And while we will continue to inherently disagree on a lot of issues - we can agree to disagree and determine a course of action that's respectful to both sides.  We've done it before, its not easy, its ugly, it takes time, but it is possible. 

Here's the takeaway for today:

1. Get informed: You're not an expert. Do your research, talk to experts, talk to those that will be most affected - become educated.
2. Open your mind: Stand fiercely behind your values and opinions but keep a piece of your mind open to truly listen to other opinions.  Engage in discussion with people who come from different backgrounds and experiences, do not be afraid to ask questions.  
3. VOTE

I love America for all that it stands for because even our ugliest qualities are things we can change because we have the right to talk about them freely.  Are we the best we could possibly be?  Not even close.  But you have the opportunity to be part of the change, don't ever take that for granted.  Don't ever think your voice and your vote don't count.