The Easiest Relationship of Them All

Growing up - I was a people pleaser.  I never really knew who I was, who I wanted to be, or what I stood for.  So when it came to friendships, I put in a lot of work because I wanted to be liked and I craved having the inner circle that I saw those around me so easily obtaining.  For about 30 years of my life - I have thought that friendships were about putting in the same work you would in a romantic relationship.  And that's left me feeling really drained in a lot of my friendships.

Over the years I've matured, discovered who I am, and I've cut out the friendships that don't provide me any positivity.  But I've still got some growing to do in the area of choosing which friendships to invest in and which to let go.

One of my soulmates recently told me that friendships are the easiest relationships we have.  They are the only relationship that we get to choose because they enrich our lives.  You cannot choose your family and they are not easy to simply walk away from.  And when you're invested in a romantic relationships you cannot (or should not) be easily able to cut that out of your world.  But with friendships - you can truly say this person brings me happiness and I want them in my life.  If they don't, I will release them from my space.

I don't know why I found that so enlighteningly simple.  And I don't know why I've never seen friendships in this way.  I don't know why I'm 32 years old and still allow friends into my world who don't make it a better place.  

Maybe all of you are reading this and you're thinking I'm absolutely out of my mind.  That you've known this for years and you're out there balancing the best friendships and braiding each other's hair as we speak.  But I'm an OCD, type A, bleeding heart and I have a daily struggle between who to cut from the team and who to get matching tattoos with.  I've been told that for being someone who hates feelings and comes off cold at times - I'm a child with stars in her eyes who refuses to believe anyone is anything but inherently good.

Wake up Silva - life isn't all glitter and rainbows.  People aren't all good.  And they aren't all worth my time, energy, or sparkle.  Being able to break down who I commit my awesome soul to should be as easy as who makes me happy.  I should be able to be selfish with where I direct my attention.  And I should start 32 years ago. 

My takeaway for today is to remember that life and relationships are complicated.  Friendships should be simple.  If someone is not adding positivity to you universe, subtract them.   

Squad Goals.

I'm 31.  And for some reason I think that makes me old and wise.  Like 95 and lived it all old and wise.  Because of that - I like to share my knowledge with ya'll as if its the law of physics. 

Today, we will learn about #SquadGoals.  For those of you not as hip as me - the squad is the friendship group you keep.  I'm actually not sure if the kids are still saying squad, but they should. 

At 21 - the squad goals revolve around being seen with the coolest people, knowing the right people who can get you free table service and really just being seen at the right places.  It's a lot of work to maintain that lifestyle and the squad is ever changing due to drama and the hierarchy.  One wrong move and you're demoted to a less awesome squad and really what else is there to live for?

At 31 - the squad goals revolve around being with the most positive real people, knowing they've got your back, and being with people you can sit on your couch getting wine wasted with and feel at ease. 

I'm a really big fan of squad goals at 31.  I'm already an anxious person - I don't need to be worrying about where I stand in the squad, if I've been seen enough on a weekend, and who I need to suck up to in order to stay relevant.  Now let's not get it twisted - in my day I was really good at the free table service, doing the celebrity pro athlete casual "I hang with so and so" thing (vomit), and always the last one to leave the party - but today - I am not that person - and I love that.

My squad now is what makes me a better person.  They're teaching me its ok to be vulnerable.  They call me on my bullshit.  They support me fiercely.  These are the people that are my family.  And they're worth more than a night at the club at the best table any day of the week.  I think the even cooler thing is a lot of these people knew me at my 20s hot mess (but still sparkly) phase and they still think I rock. 

At 31 - I want stability.  I crave loyalty.  I thrive on positivity. And the people I consider my squad embody these things.  They're the realest of the real and I couldn't want anything more. 

My squad consists of the people I sit on the couch with drinking wine and pinteresting with.  They're the people who know I need Taco Bell sometimes and as disgusting as that is - they're in the passenger seat ordering tacos for everyone.  They're the friends who know I am 100% down for brunch but don't ask me to go somewhere at 10PM because I'm already in my onesie snuggling my puppy.  And they are the best humans that can tell when I'm not ok and force themselves on me because they care that much. 

Squad Goals at 31 are my cheerleaders, my judge and jury, my perfectly imperfect people I could never live without.  Maybe we aren't the coolest (lies), the most on the scene (Is the dog park a scene?), or hanging out with celebrities (right, like they can even compare) every night - but we are real and doing our best in this world to just figure it all out.  And when you've got a good gang to do that with - that's true #SquadGoals.