Ignorance is bliss

I spoke about this in an earlier blog but I wanted to elaborate. I have said and thought a lot of ignorant things in my life. And I feel a lot of shame for ever thinking those things or speaking them into existence. Now on the level of ignorance, I’ve still always been pretty aware. But it’s important to acknowledge that I’ve said and thought things that are wrong and socially or politically unaware.

Why is this worth two blog posts? Because right now society exists in a place of us vs them. We are in constant competition to say what is right and what is wrong and who can be the most woke. There is so much shame around anyone who has ever thought something that is ignorant that I think many people live in fear of speaking up. That is not how we create a better world moving forward.

America is fucked up right now. Truly, I’m not sure how to sugarcoat that or say it in a better way. We rip children from their families. We are killing innocent black men at an alarming rate. Women’s rights are being stripped every single day. Hate is everywhere. And our President is the biggest proponent of this.

I’m all for standing up and saying what you believe is wrong. If you believe in hate, racism, sexism - general bigotry - you need to be called out on that. It is not ok to push these agendas.

Here’s where I disagree with some liberal agendas - shaming people for what they believe. In order to affect change, we have got to say you’re wrong and this is why. And we have to listen. Really sit down and listen and have open nonjudgmental conversations with people.

I am able to be more open and aware because I had people who allowed me safe spaces for questions. I openly spoke my ignorance into those safe spaces and instead of being shamed, I was given patience and guidance to a new perspective. Because those people shared their stories in such a comforting environment, I was able to form new opinions on my own based on hearing other experiences.

Politics and social issues are not a competition between two teams to be won and lost. Everyone continues to lose if we continue to operate the way we are. It’s not a game. Human lives have been lost. More lives are at risk. We need to do everything we can to encourage change as best we can through open and safe environments. The more we create a culture of fear, the longer we will live in this state of ugly. And I am so sick and heartbroken by the ugly I see around me.

I have believed ignorant things. I will probably believe more ignorant things again. I am not a bad person. I’m a better person because I’m willing to learn and grow and become a better member of society through safe spaces.

It’s also really important to me to be a safe space for anyone who needs one. If you have questions/comments or need someone to talk with, please know that I am here for you. If you’re open to growth and being more aware and empathetic, I’m here to help you however I can on that journey.

Open to More

I have not always been so informed. I have not always been as vocal regarding political and social issues. I admit I have said and thought ignorant things in my life. And I’ll probably misunderstand a few more.

There came a time when I would be in conversation and honestly not know enough to give an opinion. Or I would form an opinion without ever really understanding another viewpoint.

Full transparency, I didn’t get Black Lives Matter and I was opposed to kneeling for the national anthem. I didn’t get it and I was immediately offended by both of these things.

I don’t know the turning point but eventually I started having open conversations with people who thought differently than I do and I asked really honest uncomfortable questions. Thankfully I was able to speak with people who didn’t get defensive or angry, they appreciate my eagerness to see things from another perspective. And the more I learned about both of these things, the more I changed my mind.

That’s the key to what’s happening right now. Instead of focusing on learning other perspectives or listening to new views — we want to be right. We want to win. And when we lead from a place of competition, we all lose.

Quite frankly, the reason we are so “divided” is because a lot of people refuse to accept truths. I used to think it was divide of political opinion, but now I realize it’s a divide between right and wrong. Those claiming it’s a divide politically, they’re wanting to justify their hate and that’s how they do it, by pointing fingers at the group they’re oppressing.

The truth? Slavery was widely accepted. Not allowing women to vote, widely accepted. Not allowing gays rights, again almost unanimously accepted at one time. The people who fought against these ideas, they were called traitors, troublemakers even. Disruptions to the norm. But enough people got together to talk about it that soon change started to occur.

The truth about America? We were built by a group of white men who governed in favor of white men. There’s no mention of women in the Constitution at all. Certainly persons of color were not given equality. So the system we built - I hope it’s broken because it was broken from the start. America wasn’t built to protect everyone. That’s what we fight for. It’s also really important to understand the difference between when things like women being allowed to vote occurred and black women were allowed to vote. Persons of color do not have the same experiences and get afforded the same rights just because it becomes a right for white people. Same with other minorities like Native Americans and Asians.

I think a lot of people in my life have seen my transition from passive to active as annoying. And I think that’s such a privileged way to look at things. I am very privileged. Certainly I have my struggles as a woman, but I’m a white woman, so I still am afforded some luxuries women of color are not. And I feel passionately about being on the right side of it all. I care a lot about equality for myself and for the people around me. And that’s why I’ve chosen to get educated and speak up.

To this day, I’ve got a lot to learn. And while I probably won’t agree with every social/political issue in the liberal world, I do tend to lean more liberal socially. Fiscally, you might find yourself surprised to know I’m a bit more conservative. For me, each issue is its own issue. And it’s not necessarily about siding Republican or Democrat.

I’m open to more than the defined roles we’ve been given.

Now I’m also not ignorant to thinking I can vote third party and our problems will be addressed. Quite frankly, I’m voting Democrat right now as much as possible because the GOP has created such a horrific environment that we need a shake up to get back to neutral. I’m voting blue across the bord because I have to. We can’t afford to continue letting the GOP remain in charge. I am honestly disgusted with anyone who thinks differently.

The point is - be open to more than you know now. I can’t stand hearing Americans complain about illegals and politics and politicians and yet you don’t vote. And you don’t know anything about politics or social issues. There’s no excuse for that level of ignorance. If you don’t vote and are able to - you define privilege.  And its unacceptable. Your opinion is unnaceptable and you don’t get to have it if uou don’t vote.

Be open to listening to people who are nothing like you. Be open to learning and forming your own opinions based on real research. Be open to evolving. Just be open to more.

You’ll never have too much information. You’ll never be an expert on it all. You will always be able to talk to more people, learn more, and become a better citizen of the world around you.

And if people are open to change and learning, embrace them for it. Stop shaming folks who used to be in the wrong and have been brave enough to want better. I’m sick of this competition that makes you better because you “knew from the start.” It doesn’t encourage change and acceptance when you bully others who want to get there simply because they took longer. Help them so you can help America. 

If this horrible situation has taught us anything, it’s that we all might have been a bit ignorant to the real America. Like a lot ignorant. And we cannot afford to ever go back. Be open to more.

Diary of An Anxious Person, Part 324832

I've avoided an anxiety update for some time now. In therapy I have been spending a lot of time exploring past trauma and understanding how that affects who I am now. And it's exhausting.

I never really understood the concept of emotional exhaustion. For me it has always been easy to push feelings aside and move forward. They have been within my control for as long as I can remember. Even the traumas in my life have been contained to parts of my brain that are locked away.

I'm not sure I've even been aware of the fact that talking about these traumas has caused me to feel them emotionally. I've oddly been able to talk about the trauma (with a very select group of people) in an almost scientific way. I can explain what happened without revealing any emotion. That hasn't changed.

What has changed is the linking of the trauma to the way I am now and the anxieties I allow to control me because of those traumas. I am more aware of why I act or react in certain situations because I'm talking with my therapist about them.

And even more, I'm remembering and revealing situations that were traumatic but that I had buried away. Things people have said to me, done to me, and have treated me that I had apparently simply stored away as a way to cope.

I am now seeing that my fear of small spaces, need to constantly be prepared for the worst (and formulate a plan of action) are a result of experiences in my past.

So when I'm anxious in an elevator, crowd, or near a stranger, I start to think of these traumas and understand why I'm feeling as anxious as I am. And it becomes a spiral. I start to reflect on being attacked or in an active shooter situation when I get those prickles of fear on my neck.

What I've learned is I've never truly talked about those traumas or how they made me feel. And because of that, my body created responses to protect itself. I'm living in a state of heightened awareness and worst case scenario because I've experienced worst case scenario.

But worst case scenario is in fact rare. However, when you store the feelings from those experiences in your brain instead of facing how they make you feel and deal with working through those feelings, you don't allow yourself to be realistic about them. So your body internalizes it and develops a reaction of fight or flight.

And when you constantly deal with situations where maybe you're verbally abused and don't face those abuses head on, you start to believe them. Instead of stopping them in their tracts and saying no, those are not true and not a reflection of me, you allow them to build.

I've got a good 32 years of trauma that I'm only now starting to explore the consequences of. And even dipping a small toe into that world has caused me to become exhausted. I become quiet. Overwhelmed. I shut down. Truly the only person I'm talking to about it all is my therapist. It leaves me drained after each session. But the hope is that I'll eventually learn to process and share these experiences and feelings with the people around me that are so important to my life.

I've shared parts of my trauma here but in all honesty, while I believe in transparency, I don't believe in sharing every piece of me in such a public space. Part of having the honor of keeping an inner circle is keeping certain things to just that circle. Not everyone gets to know me and who I am. I want those important to me to know that they're getting to know the private stories that make me who I am because of how important they are to me.

What that's all caused me to do is experience moments of depression that I haven't had to deal with for a really long time. And that scares me. At one point in my life, a very long time ago, I dealt with very serious depression. So serious that I wasn't sure I wanted to exist in the world anymore. Thankfully, I don't live in that world anymore. I believe in my value and enjoy living. Life, being alive, it's important to me, I love being here. But realizing I have been sad lately has scared me because of that past depression. I'm not even remotely living in a space that I once did. It's more a sadness than a true depression. And thankfully, I know the signs, the triggers and how to bounce back. I also think I have to face that sadness for the traumas in order to move past them. You can't process them without engaging in all the emotional spaces your brain needs to go in order to move on.

Side bar - admitting depression at that level is hard for me, even shameful. But it's a part of my story, a part of my growing and moving on, and it's something a lot of people deal with. I don't want to deny that part of my life, I want to let someone out there facing it know that even the sparkliest, most vivacious people in the world go through things. There's hope, it gets better, and you are worthy of joy.

If I'm scoring where I'm at right now, I'll go 5/10. I'm in a weird space. I find I'm sad sometimes and anxious more often than not. But I don't consider this a dangerous or negative time. I think it's an extremely overdue and necessary space to grow and become better equipped to manage anxiety/depression in the future. You've got to fight for the best parts of your life when you live with mental illness. Unless you're willing to go to the dark and ugly places, you don't ever get to experience the sparkliest and sunniest parts.

I think it's also important to say that just because I'm in a weird place doesn't mean I'm not living my best life. I'm thriving because I'm allowing myself to be in a weird space. I'm putting the effort into have a better tomorrow. And I'm brave enough to share the worst parts of my story because I won't allow them to define the best parts. You don't have to live in extremes of good and bad - you can be happy, confident, engaged, and thriving while still feeling some hard times. It's not a rule that you have to fit into certain boxes to be mentally healthy. It's ok to be equally happy and struggling. The most important thing is to be in tune with what those feelings are, how to manage the hard parts and highlight the good parts.

It's all a balance. It's all a constantly shifting see-saw. You're never going to exist wholly in the highs or lows. Having the tools to manage that see-saw is what matters and how you live the healthiest mental journey possible. Find comfort in knowing we all go dark and we all go light. The best most colorful people allow those times to exist. They sit in them and live in them as much as they can so that they understand how to maximize the world around them. You're not alone. you're not weird. You're you. And that's pretty damn cool.

Career Corner - Part Whatever

It's been a hot minute since I did a piece in our career corner. Today I want to address career education and growth. As we get further in our career, I think its easy to drop off on the focus on learning. We become somewhat experts in our field and bank on the experience we have. The thing is, our industries and the work environment as a whole change so frequently that if you don't spend time seeking out education, you're not going to gain opportunities you otherwise might.

Recently, I've noticed that I've fallen victim to not making time to learn and grow and I absolutely believe it's hurt me as a professional. I refuse to become stale so I'm making a change and getting back into my routine of growing and learning.

First things first, I'm looking at what my company can offer me free. Because free is the best price and a company who offers free continuing education is a company committed to its employees. My company is heavily invested in growth. Through online classes and in person seminars, we are given the opportunity to learn about technical skills as well as industry specific creative trends. I'm making time to attend these.

Next, I'm taking advantage of the talent around me. I'm surrounded by people in various levels of their career and I'm scheduling time to pick their brains. I meet with the younger employees and ask what's new and trendy. I'm sitting with the seasoned vets to ask what they do as leaders in our company. In brainstorms I'm making sure we've got a plan to guide us to the most successful new ideas. I'm listening to every idea and I'm encouraging everyone to participate. The best ideas come from the most unexpected places and every brainstorm should welcome even the wildest ideas. No shaming, no dumb ideas.

I'm a also a big researcher. I'm literally using google to find out what others in my field are doing. I'm walking the streets/halls/courts to see what other brands are doing. I'm calling contacts and asking what the latest technology is. I'm engaging with consumers and attendees to ask what they like/don't like about what we do. I'm open to feedback and I'm interested in what I've never seen or done. And I'm constantly looking at how I can make those things just a little bit different or better.

Lastly, I'm investing in areas that I know I need improvement. Whether than be a conference, training, or book - I'm spending money to make me a better employee or candidate for a future company. If you don't invest in your skills, how do you expect to be invested in?

The consistent in the working world is that everyone wants the dream job and that job is few and far between. A lot of us are qualified. A lot of us are the perfect candidate or employee. But unless you're expanding your knowledge and what you bring to the table, you're falling behind. And don't give me the I'm too busy crap. We are all busy. Time is a choice. Make time to learn and be better. If you don't someone else will, and that person will get the dream job and they'll keep it because they refuse to become stagnant.

Burden to Bear

I have had a very full life.  Lots of twists and turns.  I've experienced my fair share of the highs and lows.  And while I think that's relative considering a lot of people go through a lot of things, I have been told I carry a lot of baggage.  

Somewhere along the line in life, I developed baggage as a negative connotation.  And because of my baggage, I've built a wall because I don't want to burden anyone else with my baggage.

That all sounds very simple, but for someone who isn't the most in tune with my feelings, this is a big revelation.  

I started to think back to relationships and friendships and quickly realized I push people away, I'm slow to trust, and I pick people that aren't the right fit.  

I've known some of my best friends for 20+ years and very few of them know some of the pieces of me that make me who I am.

I've dated perfectly wonderful men and found every excuse in the book to walk away, quite often leaving the state entirely.

Certainly I'm not the only human who carries a colorful past.  So what is it about carrying these burdens that makes us feel like they're only ours to carry?  And why do we feel like the people who love us can't carry part of that weight for us?

I have a fear of being let down. I am also starting to realize I may feel some self consciousness for the things I have dealt with in life and worry that the people important to me won't want to stay in my world because of them.  So instead of sharing my story with the people who matter the most, I internalize and I carry these burdens alone.

What I think we fail to realize when we don't share our puzzle pieces with others is that it can be very hurtful to those people.  When you share the parts of you that make you who you are, you're giving a lot of trust to that person.  You're saying I value you, I want you to know who I am and I respect the relationship we are building.  

One of my closest friends in the world told me about two years ago that I don't ever tell the group about my past and the things that go on in my life.  That I always seem to have it together, never needing anyone.  She explained that it made her feel less important to me.  Obviously this was never my intention.  I actually never considered this because I was so focused on not making anyone else carry my stuff that I couldn't see any other perspective.

While I still don't think everyone needs to hear my story, and not everyone deserves to hold some of my pieces, I do see that sharing those parts of me are how I am going to be able to develop the most meaningful relationships in my life.  

Being vulnerable is hard for everyone.  And for people who don't know how to manage their feelings in a healthy way, it is often crippling.  I have had moments that I've shared parts of who I am with someone and then worried about them having that knowledge years down the road when we are no longer in each other's lives.  

The thing is - part of finding the best people is being able to risk opening up to them in order to know they are your people.  You can't hold back your pieces and hope to find your circle.  You have to tell your story, even slowly, to others in order to find that connection. 

It's quite frankly, a very long work in progress for me.  Even realizing that I am this way was a lot to comprehend.  But I think I'm a good human being, deserving of the best and most full relationships.  And in order to have those, I've got to put in the work to develop them. 

If you're missing the right kinds of people, relationships, and connections in your world - take a look at the way in which you exist within those partnerships.  Are you doing your part to share who you are?  Are you making yourself open to the possibility of truly real support systems?  

People are resiliant. They're strong.  They can carry a lot. And if you mean a lot to someone, they're going to want to help hold your baggage.  Because baggage isn't always bad. Baggage can often take you to the most amazing places if you're willing to be open to the possibilities.

Career Corner: Personal Training

In every career you should exhibit a bit of personal training (AKA always be learning).  Not every company mandates that you participate in consistent career training and not every company even has resources available for you to take advantage of.  However, this doesn't mean you just stop learning, growing, and staying current.  The moment you stop your personal training is the moment you start becoming irrelevant.

Research

Most of our industries are constantly evolving.  There are new procedures, data, new players - a wealth of "new" to keep up with.  It's on you to stay up to date on what's happening in your world and be able to incorporate it into your everyday skill set and knowledge.  How?

• Subscribe to a journal relevant to what you do
• Google: seriously, google your industry and read what pops up in the news
• Check out which companies are winning awards and look at what they're doing

Network

Continue to grow and expand your network within and outside of your industry.  Talk to your clients and colleagues and get their input.  Engage with your circle by asking for feedback as well as to ask what they're doing to stay current.  

Attend a Conference/Training

Many companies will pay for part or all of your attendance at a conference relevant to your career.  Create a presentation and show your supervisor why you want to attendance a conference/training and provide clear cost implications.  Offer to provide a recap to share with the team when you return.  Make your experience something that benefits the company as a whole.  If your company doesn't support this kind of training, invest in it on your own and then get a new job with a company that does value continued education.

Take Advantage of What your Company Does Offer

Even if it's just online training, take advantage of what is free and available at your company.  Even if it's not industry relevant and just career focused (i.e. management skills, writing, etc.) make sure you're taking as much training as you can.  Attend in person workshops and brainstorm sessions wherever possible as well.  

Constant growth and training requires a lot of effort on your part.  It's above and beyond the normal everyday grind but it's absolutely critical to maintaining relevance and skills to make you the best employee and candidate in the game!

Get out there and grow sequins! 

Leadership Potential

As you grow and advance in your career, you are likely to become a manager.  In a lot of ways, there's not a whole lot of training around this when it happens.  Because of that, a lot of new managers lack an identity as a leader.  

When you are given the honor and the responsibility of managing others, it is a defining moment for you, your career, and the career path of others.  

Think back to the supervisors you've had over the years.  Most likely you work harder, are more efficient, and stay with a company longer when you have a good supervisor.  Alternatively when you're stuck with someone who micromanages, doesn't give clear direction or is just plain unpleasant you probably accomplish less and leave your company a lot more quickly.  Being a boss give you the opportunity to shape the framework for how your company operates.  It also affords you the opportunity to shape the future of those who will go out into the world  and become leaders themselves.  Selfishly, I also want to be a good leader so that my name is out there as someone who is great to work for.  

So how do you become a good leader/manager/boss?

Take the Role Seriously

First understand that being a boss is an important role.  It's not about just you anymore.  You're being trusted to represent the company you work for and to teach other employees what that company stands for.  You will be shaping the careers of others and are often in control of their future roles within the organization

Decide what kind of boss you want to be

Figure out what characteristics you have valued in past supervisors and which ones made your skin crawl.  And then be realistic about what works for you and the group you're supervising.  I hate being micromanaged, but I also understand that sometimes when team members are new they require more oversight.  Make a list of things that are your top priority and figure out how to make those your defining qualities as a boss.  For me that's communication, excellence in expectations, and providing the confidence in my team to do their jobs.

Be Consistent

Whatever type of manager you become, be consistent.  Nothing is worse than a boss who lacks consistency.  Figure out who you are as the team leader and consistently be that person.  It's ok to evolve, but don't decide you don't want to micromanage and then become the person who looks over everyone's shoulder.  The fastest way to frustrate your subordinates is by being unpredictable.

Be Flexible

What works for one employee does not work for all.  Some of your team may require more guidance.  Others don't need any.  Understand their strengths and weaknesses and be flexible as a leader so that you're providing the tools to success for your team.  This includes how you assign projects and give feedback.  Be aware and be flexible.   

Give up the Friendship Role

I'm not a formal person.  As a supervisor I'm probably more approachable and laid back than a lot.  But I'm also very quick to point out the misses and make sure we are working towards excellence.  It's ok to be friendly, but give up the role of friend to those you supervise.  There are boundaries as the boss and they are very critical to the success of your career as a manager.

Be Open to Criticism and Growth

Ask for feedback from both your superiors and those you supervise.  Is all of it going to be useful?  Probably not.  But being open to feedback allows you to reflect on the things you aren't able to see everyday and to grow and adjust how you lead the team.  If you're not constantly looking to how you can be a better manager, you're in no position to be one to begin with.

Being a boss is all of the emotions.  It's exciting, scary, stressful, growth - it's a really cool honor.  But there's a very fine line between being a successful boss and being the person who nobody wants to work for.  Take the role seriously and do everything you can to be you but in a way that promotes success for yourself, your team, and your company.

My 14th Mid-Life Crisis

In the past year (or so), I've had no less than about one billion major life changes.  I left an abusive work environment, moved to Los Angeles, was laid off from a job I didn't even enjoy, had a health scare (or two), have been dealing with major family issues, had a breakup with a guy I never should have dated, moved to a new state, got a job in a new industry, and the list goes on.  For someone who truly is all sparkles and smiles - my shine level has felt a little low at times. 

Which leads me to my 14th mid-life crisis. 

I am often told it appears I have it all figured out.  That everything in my life is together.  I've got the career, the confidence, the looks (GUYS STAWWWP), you get the point.  And for that reason, I felt it was important to make it crystal clear that this is not in fact true.

I don't have everything figured out.  I struggle like the rest of you.  Some days I'm exhausted and fed up and question all the choices I've made.  And some days, I feel like nothing can stop me.  But not once do I feel like I am the picture of perfection.

I try to be very open about my insecurities and my battles because I'm very aware that I can come off unicorns and rainbows 24/7.  But recently I've had a lot of people come to me for advice and guidance with their own struggles.  It was pointed out to me that it's because I appear to have all the answers.

Guys - I don't.  I have like 4 answers and they all end in wine or glitter.  You know what, 5 answers because puppy snuggles. 

In all seriousness (gross who is serious?) - my life isn't completely put together - but it isn't falling apart either - and that's because I will not ever let it.  I have my mini mid life crisis and I move on.  Maybe it seems I've got it all figured out because I stay positive, work hard, and reflect on where I'm at.  I'm not dwelling on what's going wrong and if something is going wrong you can bet I'm actively working to fix it.

Sometimes I have a mid life crisis.  I actually think I'm on 32 at this point.  I have complete breakdowns and I question my choices and where I'm at.  I make the wrong decision.  I let myself have a moment of weakness.  I'm the same as everyone else out there who experiences these thins in life.  The only difference, I don't let it define me.

I am beyond flattered that people come to me for advice.  I feel eternally humbled when people tell me they can relate to what I write about.  And I love being able to speak from experience to help other people get through hard times.  Because I have been there.

Maybe I do have it more together than most.  But truthfully, I think I'm just more willing to suck it up, change my situation (or my attitude) and push for what I want. 

 This is making me feel better already.  Goodbye 14th midlife crisis. See you for 15 in a month or so? 

Expert Expertise.

I've never believed in the word expert.

Hear me out.

The word expert - to me - means knowing everything.  Right, I get it you egg heads, according to Merriam Webster, that's not the actual definition.  But for all intensive purposes, when I hear someone calling themselves an expert, my eyes involuntarily roll back so hard I'm convinced they may never come back to front.

I hope I'm never considered an expert in my field.   Call me an authority, a heavily trusted, or extremely knowledgeable member of my field, but don't ever hail me as an expert.

The word expert gives me a feeling of complete.  Of all knowing.  And something I think our generation has lost, is the art of learning.

We are a world of college and advanced degrees (and debt), but we are also a generation of merely doing these things to get the diploma because without them, we can't get jobs.  But I would argue that a large part of the people I see in the world are really aware of how to pass a test, complete an assignment, and finagle their way to a passing grade - but don't ever really learn a whole lot.

I'm constantly yearning to learn more.  When I travel, I do a little historical research on whatever city I'm going to.  I eat local, I talk to locals, I explore local.  I listen to the stories of the people around me and I learn about their lives.  I read every single day - often crime novels - but I learn new words, new tidbits, and I expand my knowledge.  I always ask the stupid questions.  WHY are we doing this?  WHAT if there's a different way?  The point is - I'm always learning.

Kids at school often learn because its what's expected.  But I'm not sure they're really encouraged to take in what they're being taught and apply it to life.  I think a lot of it goes back to the cycle of things.  You go to school, you advance, you go to college, you get a job.  There's never really a ton of opportunity to focus on the learning unless you're in a specialized field (shout out to you medical students, please pay attention to your learning!).  

As adults - we also get set in our ways.  We go to work, we go to the gym, we watch TV - its a cycle. 

When I talk to my friends, not a lot of them actually do research.  They show up and they engage.  I'm always researching.  Before Belize, I did my research.  Before I go to a restaurant, I research.  Before I complete a work assignment, I do research.  I do everything possible to learn and grow my skill set so that I never take for granted that I'm an expert.

For anyone out there aiming to be an expert, aim to be someone who learns instead.  Don't ever get complacent in what you do.  Don't ever assume you know it all in any given subject.  Force yourself to learn so that you become more aware how much you really don't know.  Become a student of life and dedicate yourself to continuous exploration of everything around you.

The less people think of themselves as experts, the more likely they are to be open to the differences around them.  And the more open they are to listening over speaking.  Never become an expert in anything but learning.  

Squad Goals.

I'm 31.  And for some reason I think that makes me old and wise.  Like 95 and lived it all old and wise.  Because of that - I like to share my knowledge with ya'll as if its the law of physics. 

Today, we will learn about #SquadGoals.  For those of you not as hip as me - the squad is the friendship group you keep.  I'm actually not sure if the kids are still saying squad, but they should. 

At 21 - the squad goals revolve around being seen with the coolest people, knowing the right people who can get you free table service and really just being seen at the right places.  It's a lot of work to maintain that lifestyle and the squad is ever changing due to drama and the hierarchy.  One wrong move and you're demoted to a less awesome squad and really what else is there to live for?

At 31 - the squad goals revolve around being with the most positive real people, knowing they've got your back, and being with people you can sit on your couch getting wine wasted with and feel at ease. 

I'm a really big fan of squad goals at 31.  I'm already an anxious person - I don't need to be worrying about where I stand in the squad, if I've been seen enough on a weekend, and who I need to suck up to in order to stay relevant.  Now let's not get it twisted - in my day I was really good at the free table service, doing the celebrity pro athlete casual "I hang with so and so" thing (vomit), and always the last one to leave the party - but today - I am not that person - and I love that.

My squad now is what makes me a better person.  They're teaching me its ok to be vulnerable.  They call me on my bullshit.  They support me fiercely.  These are the people that are my family.  And they're worth more than a night at the club at the best table any day of the week.  I think the even cooler thing is a lot of these people knew me at my 20s hot mess (but still sparkly) phase and they still think I rock. 

At 31 - I want stability.  I crave loyalty.  I thrive on positivity. And the people I consider my squad embody these things.  They're the realest of the real and I couldn't want anything more. 

My squad consists of the people I sit on the couch with drinking wine and pinteresting with.  They're the people who know I need Taco Bell sometimes and as disgusting as that is - they're in the passenger seat ordering tacos for everyone.  They're the friends who know I am 100% down for brunch but don't ask me to go somewhere at 10PM because I'm already in my onesie snuggling my puppy.  And they are the best humans that can tell when I'm not ok and force themselves on me because they care that much. 

Squad Goals at 31 are my cheerleaders, my judge and jury, my perfectly imperfect people I could never live without.  Maybe we aren't the coolest (lies), the most on the scene (Is the dog park a scene?), or hanging out with celebrities (right, like they can even compare) every night - but we are real and doing our best in this world to just figure it all out.  And when you've got a good gang to do that with - that's true #SquadGoals.