I've had an internal debate for most of my life regarding dating, men, and how to respond when they do shitty things. Essentially - you've got two options:
- Ghost
- Confront
Now historically I think women are taught to be caregivers and to give men a lot of slack when it comes to doing things that aren't ok. We are taught to say it's ok when its not and that if we call a man out we are bitches.
But I think there's also something to be said for simply walking away from an unhealthy situation. To move forward and to take care of yourself.
Traditionally I have played the role of the ghost. I mean I've completely moved states to avoid relationships and commitment so it's not surprising that when someone treats me poorly, I generally just disappear. I'll delete your number, remove you from social media - RIP you no longer exist to me. And I'm not the girl who gives in and texts you - we will literally never speak again. If you reach out - I'll do everything possible to end the contact as quickly as humanly possible. If you show me I don't matter to you - I am very easily able to say you no longer mean anything to me.
But recently - I've had the urge to call men on their shenanigans. Because I'm a grown up. And I'm a good human being. I'm kind to others, I'm a good partner, and a phenomenal catch. And I don't deserve your crap.
My two most recent relationships/whatever the hell that last one was have been exact opposites in terms of how I've handled the ending. The first one - I was very honest about the lack of maturity and really crappy way he handled the situation. And that was what I needed to have full closure and realize we never should have dated. Months - we are talking MONTHS later - he reached back out to apologize which turned into him making excuses for the way he acted. And I let him say what he needed to say, wished him well - and we haven't spoken since.
The second whatever - because it was one of those - IDK what this is slash WTF is even happening - I've ghosted. He was a really important friend to me and someone who for the first time I started to open up to and place trust in. And then he did a 180 and created a really bad situation. He abused the friendship and for me - when you break the respect of a friendship, that's it for the relationship. But I've said nothing. I've gone full ghost and have zero intentions of changing that.
Yea ok - there's a lot of factors coming into how to handle these things. Length of relationship. Were you friends before. What did they do. It's a scientific strategy really. And I can spend hours arguing for both sides. But ultimately - I think it's what makes you feel good. Someone treated you like a burnt brownie and you don't deserve that - you're a cupcake with sprinkles. If you need to say excuse me - that wasn't cool asshole - SAY IT. If the way you heal is to move forward without a word - go head girlfriend - you ghost like the wind.
Now this is where I ask your advice - and then if I hate it - I'll ignore it because I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.
I pose some questions:
What do you think is the best way to handle when your partner does you wrong? Do you ghost? Do you confront? Do you create a mix of the two? I don't know what the right action is, probably depends on a myriad of factors realistically. Hit me with your best words of wisdom my sequins!