My 384th Mid Life Crisis

I’m really introspective. I’m constantly evaluating where I’m at, who I am, what I’m doing and how I can make adjustments to grow and be better. I want to maximize who I am and what I can do in this world. Because of that, I have a mid life crisis at least every other year. It’s so unnecessary and so annoying. And so me.

For someone who’s a all glitter, puppies, and sports - I’m quite the deep thinker. It’s never far from my mind that I’ve got a limited amount of time and I’m already about 1/3 into this thing and there’s no redo. It feels like walking up the stairs forever without seeing the top. And its not getting off on any of the floors to stop and see the sights. It’s just climbing and climbing and it never ends.

I don’t know why its at its most extra this year, but for some reason being 33 hit me really hard. I started thinking I was old. Too old for this, too young for that. Past my prime for this milestone. Too far from hitting that one. And the more I talked to friends in a similar life stage as I’m at, the more I realized I’m not alone. Everyone is out there questioning who they are, where they’re at, and what they should be doing differently.

I think part of living in a world where you have these really high expectations and you’re constantly thinking about every little detail of your life is that you hold it inside. You feel like a freak because that’s a heavy load of thoughts/feelings/fears. So it becomes this burden that you don’t dare speak out loud, making it heavier and heavier to carry inside. You fear speaking it out loud because it makes it real. And it makes it open for judgment.

Realistically, you’re not alone. Super not alone. I think a lot of people around you will say they’ve got the same exact fears at any given time. They’re worrying about their job, their finances, their relationships, their age, their skin, their clothes — every single thing — all the things! And there truly are so many things.

Now I’m not saying you should get out there and share all the thoughts in your head about this every time the mid life crisis creeps up. That’s next level and people have things they have to carry on their own. We all got a lot of shit to do. But you can confide in your people. You can say woah hey, this one is especially overwhelming can we hash some things out? And if you need more than a friendly ear and a glass of wine, call a therapist.

Therapy is my absolute favorite place for mid life crisis thirty. It’s a safe space with a neutral party who is ready to help talk you off the ledge and remind you that you’re not in fact crazy, you’re just really hard on yourself. You can make lists and do worksheets and its actual heaven for type A folks. I’m currently keeping a very detailed sleep journal for my therapist and I’m obsessed with the fact that it gives me an action point for helping myself.

If it’s a mini mid life crisis - you can take out your toolkit and manage that shit at home. Get in tune with where you’re at. Make your own list of things you love about yourself, things you’ve achieved, reasons people love you. Check off the bucket list items you’ve gone and done. And make a new list or vision board of where you want to go/what you want to achieve next. Setup a plan to achieve those things. I find when I can see a plan or a list in front of me, I’m able to get an idea for the bigger picture and calm myself the hell down. It gives me space to take a deep breath. To feel a little more in control of my situation and the path I’m on.

We also have to address the annoying societal standards in the world. I don’t know who invented these but sincerely stop. If I have to see one more Instagram model filtered and nipped and tucked and be told I have to be gorgeous and funny and smart and I’m going to lose it. Thankfully our generation is taking a stand and trying to move forward, but there are still a lot of life stages dictated by society/customs/religions/parents. It’s really hard to push back on these things. Especially when they’re family/faith/culturally based. At the end of the day though, you are in charge of your plan and your life. You have to understand that there are sincerely no rules to how life happens. Your stages might look differently than others and the expectations others have for you. And that’s okay. Remind yourself of this often. Life is hard enough, you don’t need the added pressure of pleasing others.

You also need to accept that you can’t control everything. The world is going to get wild and weird and you may have to zig where you planned to zag. Life has its own plan for you. That plan could involve more twists and turns than Carol who landed the dream job at 21 and found the dream guy at 22 and - you see what I’m saying? That’s not for you to plan. That’s for you to experience.

The mid life crisis life is hard. It’s not for the faint of heart. It’s also really manageable and becomes less of a looming cloud if you take control to the best of your ability. Do whatever you have to in order to maintain balance. Leave yourself notes, set reminders on your phone, get out and do more of what makes you feel alive and thriving - whatever it is, don’t allow those mid life crisis to steal your confidence. Chin up sequins, life is made to be designed, and you, you’re custom.

Mental Health May

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and in its honor - I'm going to share with you how I manage my mental health and create a strong basis for stability in my world.  

PHYSICAL HEALTH

My mood is often dependent upon my physical health.  I have a weak immune system and have to work extra hard to keep my health in a good place.  I also see a high correlation between managing my stress and whether or not I'm taking time to be physically active.  I think what scares a lot of people in the physically healthy world is that they assume physical health = appearance and fitness levels.  That's false.  Being physically active can simply mean getting outside.  Going on a walk.  It doesn't have to mean competing in body building or running a marathon.  Take time to find out what form of fitness feels right to you and do that.  Additionally, get sleep.  Eat right.  Physical health is more than fitness - it's supplying your body with the nutrition and REM cycles  to stay powerful.  

RELATIONSHIPS

Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about who you are.  From your family to your closest friends to the community in which you live - spend the majority of your time with people who do not drain you.  In life we will always have to spend time around those who steal our joy, but if you can limit that time, you'll be doing yourself a long term favor.  Constantly evaluate your relationships - not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever.  Edit ruthlessly in order to maintain only positive uplifting relationships.

MEDICAL CARE

Not everyone needs medication to manage their mental health.  I do.  I meet with a psychiatrist every couple months to check in and make sure that my medications are professionally managed and I am practicing safe medical solutions to managing my mental health.  I also see a psychologist about once a week (depending on my travel schedule).  I realize that right now, I need medical care to assist in keeping me at my best. I know not everyone believes in medical intervention for mental health, a nd that's ok - that's why each journey is different.

WORK

We spend most of our lives in the workplace.  Unless you're married rich, been born wealthy, or won the lottery, you're probably working 8+ hours a day, 5 days a week for like 30 years!  And if you're like me, you put a lot of your heart into your career.  When I'm unhappy in my career, it greatly affects my ability to maintain good mental health.  Do everything you can to work somewhere you're happy.  And if you're not happy, change your attitude or change your situation.

PASSIONS

I thrive on my passion projects.  If I don't make time for what I love to do (writing, reading, creating), I'm miserable.  Whether it's an hour a day or sometimes only an hour a week, make time for your passions.  Really take the time to learn what your passions are and develop those.  They fuel your energy and make your happy muscles flex!

As always, my journey with mental health is extremely personal.  Yours may look entirely different.  Consult a professional to make sure you're on the best path for you!  And never be ashamed to ask for help my sequins! 

Career Confidence

Today we continue our lessons in being a boss babe (or boss bro).  It took me a really long time to develop confidence in who I am in my career.  From years of really bad environments I let myself become unsure of who I was at work and what I brought to the table.  Because of that, I lost out on a lot of opportunities to get what I deserve at the office.

Career confidence is knowing your value, your strengths and weaknesses, and what you deserve to be paid and where you rank in an organization.  It's a highly critical life skill and without it, you're not going to get your dues. 

Sure, you could naively believe if you work hard you wont have to say anything, those raises and promotions will just show up at your door via the tooth fairy.  Grow up Peter Pan, unless you're asking for the maximum you deserve, you're getting the minimum to keep you happy.

The truth is, those who take time to know their best and worst attributes and who are able to have open conversations wit their superiors are the ones who get the most in a career. 

Here's how:

Be Brutally Aware

You should be painfully aware of your best and worst skills.  Going into a review should never bring surprises.  You should know your faults and areas of improvement before it's even brought up to you.  But do not always dwell on these faults, you need to pat yourself on the back for your strengths and celebrate that you have them.  And you should be with a company that recognizes these great strengths as well.

Be Prepared

You should always have examples of where you've done things well and where you've messed up or can improve.  Have solutions prepared, have questions prepared for your supervisor on how to best contribute to the team, and take notes.  After every project you should be getting feedback from colleagues in order to show you're committed to improvement and growth.  The best business people are extremely self aware, business is business - take the emotions out of it.

 

Be Willing to Have the Conversation

You need to be the one to set a meeting to have the conversation about what you deserve.  Whether you're asking for a raise or a promotion, you need to be comfortable initiating the talk.  And you need to practice what you're going to discuss and how you're going to present yourself.  Have notes and examples ready.  Come in completely overprepared and most of all, end this meeting truly listening.

 

Be Willing to Accept the Consequences

If you get what you're asking for, awesome.  Get out there and show your appreciation by being really good at your job.  If you don't get what you want, be clear on why and then decide how to react to that.  If the feedback seems unreasonable, consider moving jobs.  If the feedback makes sense, ask for next steps regarding how to get what you want. 

Having conversations around money and titles is never comfortable or easy.  But if you settle and do not fight for your value, you won't ever get it.  Work hard, be painfully aware, and never ever forget to take your career confidence everywhere you go.