Homework Assignments

My therapist recently gave me two worksheets. They are my homework assignments. Both challenge me to think critically about feelings, relationships, and how to improve upon both.

I love worksheets. Anything that gives me a set of defined tasks, a checklist, and boxes to fill in my answers gives my heart a flutter.

The first worksheet is going to be my homework assignment to you all today.

Here's your task:

I'm going to give you 5 categories and you need to:

1. Identify what you're doing well in this area

2. Where you need to improve and

3. What are your goals for the relationship?

Categories:

Family, Career, Physical Health, Mental Health, and Friends

My example is going to be Mental Health.

1. I'm seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist to acknowledge my areas of weakness, come up with medical support, and talk therapy for giving me the tools to manage anxiety.

2. I allow my anxiety to control a large piece of my life both personally and professionally. I also still have a problem trusting, opening up, and relying on others.

3. My goal is to get to a place that I feel confident in being able to manage my anxiety daily as well as learn to process and express emotions in a healthy way.

Now go do your homework. Report back what you find and if this exercise helped you as much as its starting to help me. Sometimes writing down things like this help us to better process and understand the reality of them so that we know how to best manage and create a better life for ourselves.

Mental Health May

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and in its honor - I'm going to share with you how I manage my mental health and create a strong basis for stability in my world.  

PHYSICAL HEALTH

My mood is often dependent upon my physical health.  I have a weak immune system and have to work extra hard to keep my health in a good place.  I also see a high correlation between managing my stress and whether or not I'm taking time to be physically active.  I think what scares a lot of people in the physically healthy world is that they assume physical health = appearance and fitness levels.  That's false.  Being physically active can simply mean getting outside.  Going on a walk.  It doesn't have to mean competing in body building or running a marathon.  Take time to find out what form of fitness feels right to you and do that.  Additionally, get sleep.  Eat right.  Physical health is more than fitness - it's supplying your body with the nutrition and REM cycles  to stay powerful.  

RELATIONSHIPS

Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about who you are.  From your family to your closest friends to the community in which you live - spend the majority of your time with people who do not drain you.  In life we will always have to spend time around those who steal our joy, but if you can limit that time, you'll be doing yourself a long term favor.  Constantly evaluate your relationships - not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever.  Edit ruthlessly in order to maintain only positive uplifting relationships.

MEDICAL CARE

Not everyone needs medication to manage their mental health.  I do.  I meet with a psychiatrist every couple months to check in and make sure that my medications are professionally managed and I am practicing safe medical solutions to managing my mental health.  I also see a psychologist about once a week (depending on my travel schedule).  I realize that right now, I need medical care to assist in keeping me at my best. I know not everyone believes in medical intervention for mental health, a nd that's ok - that's why each journey is different.

WORK

We spend most of our lives in the workplace.  Unless you're married rich, been born wealthy, or won the lottery, you're probably working 8+ hours a day, 5 days a week for like 30 years!  And if you're like me, you put a lot of your heart into your career.  When I'm unhappy in my career, it greatly affects my ability to maintain good mental health.  Do everything you can to work somewhere you're happy.  And if you're not happy, change your attitude or change your situation.

PASSIONS

I thrive on my passion projects.  If I don't make time for what I love to do (writing, reading, creating), I'm miserable.  Whether it's an hour a day or sometimes only an hour a week, make time for your passions.  Really take the time to learn what your passions are and develop those.  They fuel your energy and make your happy muscles flex!

As always, my journey with mental health is extremely personal.  Yours may look entirely different.  Consult a professional to make sure you're on the best path for you!  And never be ashamed to ask for help my sequins! 

Panic Room

I was diagnosed with anxiety as a teenager.  I've been on various medications, in therapy, and actively working to control what can be a debilitating condition since I can remember.  I don't like to talk about my anxiety because there is still a lot of judgment that comes with admitting I live with a mental health condition that is easily misunderstood and often brushed off as not real.

Anxiety is very real and depending on the level of severity - something that is extremely disruptive of everyday life.  Things that are no big deal to most people, create extreme stress for me.  Brief interactions create hours of dwelling on meaning for future relationships both personal and professional.  Mistakes often feel like entire life failures.  I have absolutely irrational fears that control my reactions when faced with those situations.  There are times when I can become so overwhelmed I completely breakdown and shut out everyone around me.  Causing me to miss out on momentous occasions and critical experiences I regret not being part of.  And thus the cycle repeats.

Hearing about those things - from someone who is so outgoing, positive, and sparkly - is often shocking.  But I think because of who I am - its important for the stigma that I talk about my anxiety and how I learn to live my life with something that could easily keep me from living my best life.  The important thing to understand is that despite bad days and stressful situations - I get up, I show up, and I put the work in to keep my anxiety under control.

Chances are - someone important to you has anxiety.  We are certainly not a rare breed.  We are the people who never sit still, the ones who stress about being on time, who always have a plan, and who have an answer to everything.  We don't like not being in control so we are over prepared and overthinking everything.  We don't take things at face value and we can't let it go.  We are the friend who you describe as high strung, overachieving, and probably a bit neurotic.  We know we are all of these things.  We are hyper aware we do all of these things.  We fully understand we are being extra - but its not as easy as taking a deep breath and getting over it.

The absolute worst things you can say to someone who suffers from anxiety:

• It's not a big deal
• Just breathe
• Get over it

Having anxiety is not a choice.  Simply moving past whatever is causing the anxiety is not a choice.  The only part of anxiety that is a choice is actively learning about your personal life with it and how to maximize life as someone with the disorder.  If you're reading this and you have anxiety - it is your responsibility to take an active role in managing your triggers, reactions, and preventing big episodes.  It's on you to get therapy, learn what calms you down, seek medicine - do whatever you need to do to put the effort in for a normal life.

If you're reading this as someone who loves a person with anxiety, and that person is doing their part to manage the condition, you have a responsibility to support that person too.  If that person is important to you - then make understanding their anxiety important to you.

Here's how to be supportive of your anxious person:

• Accept your person for who they are: Again, anxiety is not a choice.  Accept this and accept your person for who they are, mental health condition and all
• Talk about it: Ask questions.  Be open with your person and ask them what it feels like, what their triggers are, and how you can help ease the disorder with your reactions.  Be open about how it affects you too.  There needs to be a safe space for open communication.
• Learn about it: Do some research.  Read a book.  Google reputable sources.  Whatever it is, learn about the science and the advances and concerns about anxiety.  It's not all the same.
• Set Boundaries: Anxiety is a lot to deal with.  If there are things you can't deal with, be up front about unhealthy situations.  It's on you to support the people you choose to love, but it's not on you to deal with abusive behavior.
• Let go of the stigma: Anxiety is prevalent.  Don't treat people who suffer from something they haven't chosen like they're less than.  Keep an open mind and shut off your instinct to judge.  This goes back to learning.  The more educated you are, the less need you feel to judge.

I don't talk about my anxiety with many people.  But the people close to me know it very well.  They are my home team and I could not do this without them.  I'm hoping by sharing my experiences with you, you'll realize anxiety doesn't affect one type of person and it doesn't discriminate.  It's possible to be happy and sparkly and successful - and live with sometimes crippling anxiety.  I have a mental health condition and I don't believe that makes me any less amazing than anyone else in this world.