My 384th Mid Life Crisis

I’m really introspective. I’m constantly evaluating where I’m at, who I am, what I’m doing and how I can make adjustments to grow and be better. I want to maximize who I am and what I can do in this world. Because of that, I have a mid life crisis at least every other year. It’s so unnecessary and so annoying. And so me.

For someone who’s a all glitter, puppies, and sports - I’m quite the deep thinker. It’s never far from my mind that I’ve got a limited amount of time and I’m already about 1/3 into this thing and there’s no redo. It feels like walking up the stairs forever without seeing the top. And its not getting off on any of the floors to stop and see the sights. It’s just climbing and climbing and it never ends.

I don’t know why its at its most extra this year, but for some reason being 33 hit me really hard. I started thinking I was old. Too old for this, too young for that. Past my prime for this milestone. Too far from hitting that one. And the more I talked to friends in a similar life stage as I’m at, the more I realized I’m not alone. Everyone is out there questioning who they are, where they’re at, and what they should be doing differently.

I think part of living in a world where you have these really high expectations and you’re constantly thinking about every little detail of your life is that you hold it inside. You feel like a freak because that’s a heavy load of thoughts/feelings/fears. So it becomes this burden that you don’t dare speak out loud, making it heavier and heavier to carry inside. You fear speaking it out loud because it makes it real. And it makes it open for judgment.

Realistically, you’re not alone. Super not alone. I think a lot of people around you will say they’ve got the same exact fears at any given time. They’re worrying about their job, their finances, their relationships, their age, their skin, their clothes — every single thing — all the things! And there truly are so many things.

Now I’m not saying you should get out there and share all the thoughts in your head about this every time the mid life crisis creeps up. That’s next level and people have things they have to carry on their own. We all got a lot of shit to do. But you can confide in your people. You can say woah hey, this one is especially overwhelming can we hash some things out? And if you need more than a friendly ear and a glass of wine, call a therapist.

Therapy is my absolute favorite place for mid life crisis thirty. It’s a safe space with a neutral party who is ready to help talk you off the ledge and remind you that you’re not in fact crazy, you’re just really hard on yourself. You can make lists and do worksheets and its actual heaven for type A folks. I’m currently keeping a very detailed sleep journal for my therapist and I’m obsessed with the fact that it gives me an action point for helping myself.

If it’s a mini mid life crisis - you can take out your toolkit and manage that shit at home. Get in tune with where you’re at. Make your own list of things you love about yourself, things you’ve achieved, reasons people love you. Check off the bucket list items you’ve gone and done. And make a new list or vision board of where you want to go/what you want to achieve next. Setup a plan to achieve those things. I find when I can see a plan or a list in front of me, I’m able to get an idea for the bigger picture and calm myself the hell down. It gives me space to take a deep breath. To feel a little more in control of my situation and the path I’m on.

We also have to address the annoying societal standards in the world. I don’t know who invented these but sincerely stop. If I have to see one more Instagram model filtered and nipped and tucked and be told I have to be gorgeous and funny and smart and I’m going to lose it. Thankfully our generation is taking a stand and trying to move forward, but there are still a lot of life stages dictated by society/customs/religions/parents. It’s really hard to push back on these things. Especially when they’re family/faith/culturally based. At the end of the day though, you are in charge of your plan and your life. You have to understand that there are sincerely no rules to how life happens. Your stages might look differently than others and the expectations others have for you. And that’s okay. Remind yourself of this often. Life is hard enough, you don’t need the added pressure of pleasing others.

You also need to accept that you can’t control everything. The world is going to get wild and weird and you may have to zig where you planned to zag. Life has its own plan for you. That plan could involve more twists and turns than Carol who landed the dream job at 21 and found the dream guy at 22 and - you see what I’m saying? That’s not for you to plan. That’s for you to experience.

The mid life crisis life is hard. It’s not for the faint of heart. It’s also really manageable and becomes less of a looming cloud if you take control to the best of your ability. Do whatever you have to in order to maintain balance. Leave yourself notes, set reminders on your phone, get out and do more of what makes you feel alive and thriving - whatever it is, don’t allow those mid life crisis to steal your confidence. Chin up sequins, life is made to be designed, and you, you’re custom.

First World Problems

I was born and raised in a small suburban community.  I've never lacked for anything in life.  And while I'm very appreciative of the life I've been given - I really like that I really only face first world problems.

Recently I traveled to Belize - which is still very much a third world country.  It wasn't the first time I've ever been to a third world country - but it is the first time I've been to one as a real live adult.

And as much as it made me feel grateful for the life I live - it also reaffirmed that I really enjoy the finer things in life.  I love central a/c.  I like my nice SUV.  I enjoy my fancy apartment with washer and dryer.  I'm a really big fan of having whatever food I want at the touch of an app.  I love the interwebs.  I like wasting time shopping because it's down the street.  I love first world living and I'm really not sorry about it.

I've always been taught to be thankful for the life I live and the things I've been afforded.  And I am.  But I also work hard.  I don't feel bad for the life I'm enjoying.  And I'm not really sure I'm supposed to say that.  But it's true.  I like my first world life.

Maybe that makes me a snob, a diva, whatever you want to call me - I'll own it.  My version of roughing it is camping.  And then going back to my updated apartment and enjoying my TV.  When it comes down to it - I'm first world problems and I'm not sorry about it.

Millennials

There seems to be a trend of late in which the world wants to blame Millennials for everything.  We are lazy, emotional, expect too much - the list goes on.  Here's the thing world - Millennials are also innovative, aware, and efficient.  Fine, we will take credit for the Kardashians - and I apologize for that - but to blame us for the world's problems is a bit dramatic.

Technically a millennial is anyone born from the 80's to the early 2000's.  Can we agree that's a really broad spectrum of ages?  That's a group that started with Nokia face plates and then a group who doesn't know what life was like before iPhones.  So many things changed within that 20+ year time period, that this millennial name cannot possibly define all of us born during the specified time.  Personally - I don't relate to being a millennial.  I think of anyone early-mid 20s to being in that millennial age group and I'm more of an old and cranky millennial.  Like I'm into a healthy lifestyle but I don't want to talk about my feelings.  

Regardless - for all intensive purposes - I'm labeled a millennial.  And that's fine, it keeps me young.  And I even relate to a lot of the characteristics that define this generation.  I'm for being mindful of the environment, I'm about speaking up and being woke when it comes to political and social issues, and I'm into a work life balance that is mindful of who I am as a human being.  And I'm also offended when those old people blame us for the decline in chain restaurant success, call us lazy because there aren't any jobs, and who consider us freeloaders because many of us live at home.  

Let's get one thing straight - this generation is a compilation of the politics, fiscal state, and beliefs of the generation before it.  That's kind of how it all works.  One generation votes a certain way, sets the fiscal state, and creates pop culture trends that don't take full effect until much later.  So the fact that we are still struggling to find jobs, buy homes, and are defined by technology - is a direct result of the choices of the generation before us (Generation X).  We show up as adults in the world that we had no real hand in creating - and we are using the tools we have to survive and thrive.  And a big part of millennial culture is that we realize the things we do now are going to directly affect the next generation.  We are mindful hat we need to take care of the environment.  We fight for the rights that we will probably never fully receive in our lifetime because we want future us to have those rights.  We don't eat at Buffalo Wild Wings because small business are more important to us than corporate America.  

Fine - I'll give you technology and social media.  We are thoroughly addicted to our toys and we have trouble putting them down.  I'm old school and agree with Generation X - we should put down our phones and laptops and talk to each other.  But I also love that we are a generation of pushing the limits of what technology can achieve.  We connect people in ways they've never been able to communicate before.  We save lives through medical advances that would never happen without the tech nerds out there.  And we created a food delivery service so that you never have to choose between Netflix and pizza (angels among us ya'll).

What else?  We are too sensitive, especially in the workplace.  This is harder to refute because honestly - I don't think the workplace is for feelings.  But I also appreciate that the workplace is learning that people are human beings and life happens 9-5.  For me this is less about being in tune with the emotions of your employees and more understanding that jobs demand a lot and people give a lot to the companies that employ us.  I find it very fair that an organization should have respect for that - within reason.  If I need to go to the doctor on a Thursday at 2PM, I'm going to do that.  If I need to work from home one day because I've got someone working on my kitchen, that should be okay.  It's less about feelings and more about treating employees as adults.  And in turn, if your employee cannot act like an adult, they don't deserve to be working at your company.  

Oh yes - we are lazy and really bad with our money.  First - we did not invent debt.  The state of the economy from the crash of the 2000's is where I think debt really took off.  So chill, because we weren't old enough to cause that.  We have debt because education hasn't been a reasonable cost since the 70's.  Tuition costs more than a home.  But without that education, we don't get the good jobs.  But by the time we get the good job, we are thousands and thousands in debt.  And there we have the cycle.  We aren't lazy.  We have more costs, less opportunity, and have to work twice as hard to get a decent job that barely covers the bills we have because education and healthcare were not made a priority.  Nobody is saying we work harder than Gen X.  Nobody is claiming life is harder.  But we are saying - it's an uphill battle from the time we show up to undergrad until we are able to break even at 65.  We aren't lazy - we're out here doing the best we can with what we are given.  The fact that we complain about these things is not because we believe none of them should be our problem.  We complain because we want a better future for our kids, because we know the work that goes into barely surviving in 2017.

Stop blaming millennials for the worlds problems.  Stop calling us lazy, too sensitive - blah blah blah.  Consider that you were us once.  You were dealing with what the generation before you put out into the universe and while our struggles may be different - it all boils down to one thing: we are all doing the best we can with the cards we are dealt.   

Who I am.

A lot of people don't care about sports.  They don't have an interest.  And that's ok.  It's the people that say sports don't have value that are dead wrong.  The people that just see a game that truly are ignorant. 

 Sports have taught me more about life than anything I've learned anywhere else.  Sports have taught me discipline.  They have taught me passion.  Sports have taught me how to fail and succeed.  Sports have taught me that life is unfair.  They have taught me how to be knocked down to my lowest point and to come back ten times stronger.  I am a leader and a teammate because of sports.  Sports gave me family.  Sports truly define who I am and I am forever grateful for all that they have given me.

Growing up I was often unsure of who I was.  But in sports, I was always my best.  On the track or on the soccer field - I was confident, committed, and engaged.  I always knew I was the best, I worked the hardest, and I was present in creating a future.  Even when I got to college - at a D1 school - when I was among 100 other people who were also the best - I never doubted myself. 

Being part of a team - being accountable to my team, my coaches, myself - instilled in me a work ethic that is unrivaled.  It created in me a need to excel, a comradery that bonded me to my teammates as family, and ensured I could never give up because it meant letting these people down.

As an adult (ish) in the working world - my experiences in sports have carried into my success in business.  I wholeheartedly believe that if you put me against a candidate who was not involved in sports - I am 100% of the time a better choice.  I am dedicated, passionate, loyal, and I know how to problem solve, fail, and make a comeback better than most. 

A lot of people don't understand the importance of sports.  And to that - I say - of course you don't, you're not part of this team.  Unless you've lived this life - it doesn't make sense to you.  But make no mistake - whether you believe in it or not - sports are powerful.  The skills they provide, the warriors they build - they're real. 

Sports have defined my life and who I am more than anything else I've experienced.  The people affecting me the most are my fellow teammates, coaches, and other athletes in this world.  I am who I am because of Athletics and I am forever grateful for that.

The Great State of Texas

I'm a born and raised California girl.  Sure, I did a stint in both Colorado and Arizona, but I am all things California.  When I moved to Colorado and then again to Arizona, I certainly had a few adjustments to make, but overall, culturally it wasn't a huge shock. 

And then I moved to Texas.  Texas is like a whole new country.  And every day, I learn something new about being a resident of this great state.  I wanted to share with you some of the things I've learned, adjusted to, and been really bad at since becoming a Texan.

1. Texas is not in the South.  I'm serious.  You do not say you're from the South, you dare not speak that you live in the South.  You live in Texas.  And Texas is its own region.
2. Everyone owns a gun.  This one is weird.  I'm not antigun I'm more on the team that likes more regulations but I'm really open to carrying guns.  But Texas is next level.  I'm not sure I'm ever going to get used to the fact that basically everyone from age 2 on is packing heat any given time. 
3. Texas Hospitality (DONT say Southern) is real.  People are nice in general.  I dig this.  I'm all about smiling at strangers and saying hello.  It's the real deal, people don't act like you're invisible.  Nobody thinks you're a leper if you greet people you don't even know.  It's so not California and I like it.
4. Cowboy boots are functional.  Did you guys know that cowboy boots serve an actual purpose?  People work on ranches and wear them to do work.  I'm not ready to use my cowboy boots for such things, but its good to know they're not just really cute with denim cutoffs.
5. Red Meat is a Food Group.  There's cuts of meat I'd never even heard of until I came to Texas.  Red meat is an option for every meal.  I think they consider it a food group here.  And I love that.  Goodbye healthy living, hello palate of happiness.
6. Texas loves Texas.  This is one proud state.  Texans are proud of their home and not afraid to tell you how amazing it is.  As a Californian, I relate to state pride so I think its cool to hear.  I still think California is far better, but I see why so many people call this place home and mean it.
7. Texas is Affordable.  Being from California, there's not many places that give me sticker shock.  But I'm over here wondering if this is real life for the opposite reason.  Gas is $2. I go through the grocery store for like $50.  I live in a palace for the price of a shanty in LA. I get why its less expensive, but I'm all about this opportunity to save more.

Texas Ya'll.  It's been a culture shock but I am loving living here and learning what its all about.  Stay tuned as my adventure continues...

Really Put Together People vs. Me

Thanks to social media, it is now easier than ever to see people looking really put together while you're just trying to get to work on time without spilling coffee on your white shirt.  You know who I'm talking about - the girl who's on the beach laughing in some candid shot; hair perfectly blowing in the wind just living the dream.  The people who post pictures of their Pinterest crafts and they actually turn out like the photo.  I am not one of these people. 

I consistently spill things on my outfit, am wearing my shirt backwards, and most certainly all candid shots of me are not attractive.  Case in point - my girlfriends and I took jumping shots on the beach in Malibu a few months back.  They all look adorable.  My hair is whipped across my face and I look like I'm going to fall and break an ankle at any moment.

No matter how hard I try - I am simply doomed to be one of those people that you wonder how they make it through a day.  So I'd like to do make a list - because God I love lists - detailing things that have actually happened to me, because being really put together is really overrated. 

• I once got a concussion at work from falling out of my chair, rolling down some stairs, and hitting my head on a wall.
• The Los Angeles City Fire Department paused to laugh at me standing in the street in my underwear BEFORE running upstairs to stop the fire I set in my microwave.
• While trying to hang up a poster I staple gunned my finger to a wall.
• Went to work once wearing two different shoes.
• In Colorado it was really cold.  I wore extra thick polar bear socks under my slacks at work.  When I crossed my legs in a big meeting, it was extremely easy to see my non business like socks.
• In college I had to make up the timed mile for Fall training (I ran track in college) bright and early one morning.  I ate yogurt about 30 minutes before I ran.  I finished with a 6 minute mile - and then proceeded to throw up in front of the entire football team who was also practicing at that time.
• I've gone places with mascara only on one eye, more than once.
• I got on a flight to Houston once.  I meant to go to Sacramento. 
•  In one day I backed into a dumpster and a pole at Trader Joe's.  Literally within hours of each other. 
• For an entire day I wore a work blouse inside out.  Didn't realize this until I got home that evening.
• During an autograph session with an athlete I was working with, basketballs started rolling off the table - at which point I said "Come on...Your balls are everywhere!"  Didn't realize anything was weird about this statement for 10 minutes.  
• My first day of work at a new job my boss told me we were going to a meeting.  It was cold and snowing and I said "Should I wear my clothes?" ...instead of should I bring my coat? 
• I bought a fun work appropriate red lipstick that I wore ....it was on my teeth for half the day.
• When I hung up with the head coach of the team I was working for I said "ok love you bye" because I'm so used to saying it to friends and family.  I didn't even realize I said it until he made a joke about it the following day. 
• During an event I was updating the SVP about details of setup when I realized somehow this really expensive giant glitter sign (duh) had been glued to the floor.  I screamed into the phone "GLITTER EMERGENCY" and hung up.  Surprisingly he understood and had no further questions.  
• Went to the gym with a hole in my yoga pants. Didn't understand why all the men were really into me that day until I got home and saw where the hole was located.  Should have charged a fee.  
• In high school I was convinced I could dye my hair blond myself.  I have red understones.  My hair was pink for two weeks because we went on vacation the following day. 

Needless to say - I believe I've proven my point.   I am not effortlessly put together.  I am consistently in awe when I make it through the day looking like the sparkling bombshell that I am.  And yet I am surprisingly incredible at what I do for a living (and proud of it).  People pay me to be really put together and make flawless magic happen.  And I always do. 

Talk to me about your stories.  Are you one of those really put together people that I'm jealous of (Dove I'm looking at you!)? Tell me your secrets.  Because I'm convinced they pull you all aside and teach you special secrets when you're born and the rest of us are me.