Happy Birthday to ME!

I am 34 today! Which seems wildly old and wildly young all at the same time!

I love a good celebration of birth. Since I was a wee sequin, I really got on board with celebrating birthdays to the max. I just love a good day of sparkles and happiness and focusing on me!

It’s also such a fun way to reflect on the year before, the year ahead, and all that entails.

This year was completely unexpected. I left Texas to move back to Northern California to work in an entirely new industry, entirely new role, and to a job I didn’t even apply to. I was actively looking for a new role, but to be recruited by one of the biggest brands in the world was both terrifying and flattering all at once.

I sincerely had no idea what this year would bring and no expectations on this life change.

It’s been all the things. A blessing, a challenge — and all of the in between too. I don’t know if staying in the Bay Area is really the best fit for me long term, but for the first time, I do feel like I’m with a company I want to stay with long term.

Personally, I’ve worked harder than ever before to commit to therapy, actively put myself before work, and get out of my comfort zone with travel/friendships/relationships.

I actually struggled a lot with feeling “old” and having to fit into societal norms of what that means, something I never really thought I’d struggle with. But 34 seems like a weirdly better age than 33? I don’t know why and I realize that makes no sense, but neither do I.

34 feels like it’s going to be a freaking cool year because of all the possibilities in life. I’m traveling more, I’m going after the next step in my career at Google Cloud, and I’m saying yes more to the things I need to be healthy and happy.

Age is just a number, but I’m an athlete. And to us, numbers are everything. They’re the wins, the loses, the identity - the truly define our world. I’ll never grow out of identifying numbers with positives and negatives.

So for 34, I’m giving a cheers to me, myself, I and all the adventures to come! How lucky am I to be in a place that all my dreams are not only possible, they’re something I can see in front of me?

And for those of you who know that every year on my birthday I check something off my bucket list, I’m spending the day in a true spa day! I’ve never been able to manage the financials nor the time of a spa day but this year, I am making that happen!

Another Year Older

...And none the wiser! JK, I learned a lot this year. I'm not a big NYE celebrator in terms of creating resolutions but on my birthday I like to reflect. Aging is such a weird thing in your 30's because you're past all of the critical milestones and there's not another one until 40. And they tell you not to look forward to those.

I'm 33 this year. 32 was a doozy for me. For some reason it really weighed on me more than turning 30 did. I got in my head about achievements and things I should be doing/having at 32 and I can't really explain why.

32 was a year of incredible loss, lessons, and really high highs. I think more than ever I want to celebrate the commitment I've made to myself. I look back and read my blogs of years past and laugh at how much I thought I was prioritizing myself and setting boundaries in the work place. Past Ashley, she didn't know. 

And that's the point. You can't really know any better until you take the chance to be better. Who are you to predict how the future will turn out? All you can do is vow to keep pushing forward so that you do have the opportunity to live better.

And that's what 32 has brought me. A lot of forcing myself to be so uncomfortable that I don't have any other choice but to grow and evolve. If you commit to therapy and really invest in doing the exercises and opening up - you're forced to just face the weird things you go through/feel/do and come out on the other side. For better or worse.

I'd like to think I'm a better me. Certainly I've lost relationships because of it. And to that, I say BYE! Not everyone is comfortable when you go from being the rock to needing support yourself. But being selfish is necessary. The ones who don't appreciate your growth, those aren't your people.

32 man, 32 is my lucky number so even though it was a weird one, I'm sad it's gone.

But cheers to 33 because getting older is an honor, and I'm excited to see what else life is going to bring me! And what else I'm going to bring to myself.

My Best Me

ITS OCTOBER! October is where I'm my best me. It's the month of my birth, Championship baseball season (GO GIANTS...even when they're not in it), college football is in full swing, the air is crisp, the leaves are changing, and Halloween/Pumpkin life has arrived. The way a lot of people feel about Summer is the way I feel about October. I thrive the entire month.

Do ya'll have a time of year when you feel you're at your best? Like you can conquer the world?

This whole idea of living your best life at a certain time of year got me thinking, how do we bottle that up and use it throughout the rest of the year? It seems silly to only be your best you for part of the year. That's a lot of other time spent not being your best you, and that's a lot of time you could be doing so.

As always, I'm using me as an example for this exercise. What makes me feel my best me? I'm very affected by weather. I hate heat. I like when it's chilly and I need greenery. I need open spaces and to see blue skies. I'm also a huge sports fan. In the Fall, all the best sports are in their prime. I'm also a kid at heart, I love my Birthday and celebrating myself. It's all sparkles and smiles and being surrounded by people I love.

Ok -so let's break that down.

Weather: LOL Ashley you cannot control the weather. It cannot be Fall all year round. But you can escape to where it feels a little more Fall. When its unbearably hot where I'm currently living, I can escape to somewhere cooler. Hate Winter? Get yourself to the Caribbean for a lovely getaway. The point is, you are not a tree, move!

Sports: I freaking love the sports. I hate that brief period of time that it's not football or baseball season, its torture! But I can find other sports to get interested in. And I can reminisce on past moments that made me super happy in sports. Are you big into flowers and it's not spring? Have some flowers delivered to yourself and keep them in your home for an instant smile. Too hot for a cup of warm tea and a blanket? Turn the AC up and indulge!

Birthday: Cool, so realistically I can't change or add days for my birthday. But I can celebrate myself other days. Had an awesome day at work? Great let's get ice cream! And when I think about it, what I love most about my birthday is the people I share it with. I get more time and attention with the people I love. Why wait for a day? I can spend more time with the people I love any day! Chances are the days you like the celebrate are because of the people around you and the way they make you feel. So stop waiting for a given day, see them because they matter to you every single day.

A million things align for us to be our best selves. And we can find a million excuses for when we aren't our best selves. It's all controllable even when its uncontrollable. LOL - what does that even mean? It means when you can't control things, control how you react. Choose to say whatever bad day, let's get drinks. Ok office jerk, forget you - headphone times! Adjust the day and make it more conducive to living your best life.

It's time for the lesson. Stop waiting for the best time of the year to live your best life, to be your best you. Figure out why Summer/Fall/October/December are your favorite time of year and figure out how you can recreate those feelings the rest of the year. Being your best you for a short period of time is wasting a long period of time that you could be thriving. Don't let the rest of the year suck because you're not in prime you season. Make every moment a moment you can live your best life as your best you.

Shaq Year

When I was a wee squish - I made my first competitive soccer team.  And while that was an achievement - the real defining moment came when it was time to choose my number.  All athletes know that your number becomes your identity.  The really good athletes know that long after you've sunk your last basket you will be defined by your number.  The number I chose that day was 32.  

I chose 32 for Orlando Magic Shaquille O'Neil.  I saw this big, loud, bold physical player and I was in love.  Sports love.  I wanted to be this guy on the field and in life.  And to this day - I still love me some Shaq.  

Yesterday, I turned 32.  I have now officially entered my Shaq year.  And man, 32 sounds old.  But I think about who I've become since I entered my 30's and 32 also seems really fucking swagtastic (verb: meaning grown woman cool).  And you know why?  Because at 32, I've never been more sure of who I am.  I can buy my own things.  I have achieved real milestones.  I do less stupid things.  I loved Ashley in her 20's.  She was epic.  A nightmare, but absolutely top notch.  But Ashley in her 30's is this extra sparkly, extra fierce woman who cannot be stopped.

Keep your Kobe year.  Hold onto that Jordan year.  I'll take my Shaq year to live my boldest, best, most fun year yet.  

Birthday Babe

TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY!  EVERYBODY PANIC!  BUY ALL THE GIFTS!  THROW ALL THE GLITTER!

Tomorrow I'll be 31 years old!  What a journey these past 31 years have been!  Getting older is absolutely terrifying and amazing at the same time.  I spent a really long time unsure of who I was, constantly trying to be whatever perfect is, and I am so thankful that today I am finally loving the woman I have become. 

You could say I'm a late bloomer in that I took longer to choose a career path (I'm still holding out for Disney Princess), I spent years dating the wrong men (the last guy is the one who finally kicked the habit for me), and I hated my body instead of celebrating all the insane things its done for me (thank you track booty).  But here I am.  31 and I feel like my dreams are just starting to come true.