Santa - I know him!

Merry Christmas all! It’s been quite some time since I believed in Santa Claus, but I certainly still believe in the magic of the Holiday Season! I wanted to talk a little bit about how my family has chosen to handle presents as we’ve gotten older.

My brother and I are both grown adults. And while our level of adulting is often questionable, we can essentially buy the things we want and need in life. We are also very lucky and have truly never wanted for anything. I am very aware of how lucky I am and very much in a position to give back.

So in my family we have decided to forego big presents. We do stockings and that’s it. And yes, we are lucky to do that because our stocking stuffers are still very generous and very much appreciated.

But outside of that, we each choose a charity We are each passionate about and donate an amount of our choice. For me, giving back is more important in life than receiving. I love gifts, don’t get me wrong but the state of our union lately just inspires me to give more than I receive.

I’m really passionate about a lot of issues in the world. I speak up about them a lot. In my opinion, that means I better be putting my money where my mouth is, especially during the Holiday Season.

Santa has been kind to me over the years. Really kind. And life is really kind to me year round. It’s my turn to be Santa for those that aren’t as lucky as I am. I encourage you to give back this Holiday Season — whatever that looks like to you. Financially, with your time - however you are able to give, do so. It matters.

Happy Birthday to ME!

I am 34 today! Which seems wildly old and wildly young all at the same time!

I love a good celebration of birth. Since I was a wee sequin, I really got on board with celebrating birthdays to the max. I just love a good day of sparkles and happiness and focusing on me!

It’s also such a fun way to reflect on the year before, the year ahead, and all that entails.

This year was completely unexpected. I left Texas to move back to Northern California to work in an entirely new industry, entirely new role, and to a job I didn’t even apply to. I was actively looking for a new role, but to be recruited by one of the biggest brands in the world was both terrifying and flattering all at once.

I sincerely had no idea what this year would bring and no expectations on this life change.

It’s been all the things. A blessing, a challenge — and all of the in between too. I don’t know if staying in the Bay Area is really the best fit for me long term, but for the first time, I do feel like I’m with a company I want to stay with long term.

Personally, I’ve worked harder than ever before to commit to therapy, actively put myself before work, and get out of my comfort zone with travel/friendships/relationships.

I actually struggled a lot with feeling “old” and having to fit into societal norms of what that means, something I never really thought I’d struggle with. But 34 seems like a weirdly better age than 33? I don’t know why and I realize that makes no sense, but neither do I.

34 feels like it’s going to be a freaking cool year because of all the possibilities in life. I’m traveling more, I’m going after the next step in my career at Google Cloud, and I’m saying yes more to the things I need to be healthy and happy.

Age is just a number, but I’m an athlete. And to us, numbers are everything. They’re the wins, the loses, the identity - the truly define our world. I’ll never grow out of identifying numbers with positives and negatives.

So for 34, I’m giving a cheers to me, myself, I and all the adventures to come! How lucky am I to be in a place that all my dreams are not only possible, they’re something I can see in front of me?

And for those of you who know that every year on my birthday I check something off my bucket list, I’m spending the day in a true spa day! I’ve never been able to manage the financials nor the time of a spa day but this year, I am making that happen!

Another Year Older

...And none the wiser! JK, I learned a lot this year. I'm not a big NYE celebrator in terms of creating resolutions but on my birthday I like to reflect. Aging is such a weird thing in your 30's because you're past all of the critical milestones and there's not another one until 40. And they tell you not to look forward to those.

I'm 33 this year. 32 was a doozy for me. For some reason it really weighed on me more than turning 30 did. I got in my head about achievements and things I should be doing/having at 32 and I can't really explain why.

32 was a year of incredible loss, lessons, and really high highs. I think more than ever I want to celebrate the commitment I've made to myself. I look back and read my blogs of years past and laugh at how much I thought I was prioritizing myself and setting boundaries in the work place. Past Ashley, she didn't know. 

And that's the point. You can't really know any better until you take the chance to be better. Who are you to predict how the future will turn out? All you can do is vow to keep pushing forward so that you do have the opportunity to live better.

And that's what 32 has brought me. A lot of forcing myself to be so uncomfortable that I don't have any other choice but to grow and evolve. If you commit to therapy and really invest in doing the exercises and opening up - you're forced to just face the weird things you go through/feel/do and come out on the other side. For better or worse.

I'd like to think I'm a better me. Certainly I've lost relationships because of it. And to that, I say BYE! Not everyone is comfortable when you go from being the rock to needing support yourself. But being selfish is necessary. The ones who don't appreciate your growth, those aren't your people.

32 man, 32 is my lucky number so even though it was a weird one, I'm sad it's gone.

But cheers to 33 because getting older is an honor, and I'm excited to see what else life is going to bring me! And what else I'm going to bring to myself.

TWO!

TWO YEARS! For two years I've managed to write and publish THREE blogs a week to this little pet project of mine. And while I'm still not famous and not sponsored by anyone, I am consistently putting content into the universe and people are consistently reading what I've got to say.

In many ways, each blog is very much part of my journey and what I'm going through at each stage in my life. I'd love to say that I write what I think is relevant in the world, and some of that may be true, but for the most part its relevant to my life at any given moment. If I'm proud of anything, it's my consistent commitment to being authentic.

I started this journey because I have a passion for writing and a need to be more open about my feelings and the things I've been through in life. I have a unique journey, a loud voice, and a way with words. If I'm able to share my voice and experiences and even one person finds comfort in that, I feel good. Selfishly, I also find comfort in the feedback from readers. And I find release from saying the things I share out loud.

In two years I've changed a lot. Like a lot a lot. I like to think I've changed for the better but often times I suffer setbacks. I like to go back and read things I've published and see how I've changed my opinions, feelings, and actions. I stand by everything I write because it's truly who I was and how I believed at that time. But there's something to be said for being able to tangibly read about that time in my life.

So the lesson for two? Reflect. Keep a journal, even if it's short blurbs and thoughts, write down where you're at and force yourself to go back and review what those thoughts/opinions were. Reflect on how they make you feel now. Are you happy? Shocked? Appalled? Confident? Take time to reflect on the growth or lack thereof.

Invest in yourself through the time you spend both logging these things in a notebook and in the time you spend reviewing those musings. It's so easy to forget times in our lives that are often inconsequential at the time. When you review them later, sometimes they've been defining moments or eye opening thoughts. Things I've never really thought twice about have become turning points. People I didn't think played a role in my life now have taught me some of the biggest lessons.

Realistically, how do you grow if you don't invest in reflecting upon who you were then and now? Two years for me is 312 blogs. Some completely frivolous in hindsight like costumes and hair care. But some are political and social and feelings based. And even the frivolous ones, they give you some insight of how I was prioritizing things in my world. But that's 312 little pieces that tell me who I was, how I was feeling, and what I was believing at any given moment. And that's 312 opportunities to reflect and decide do I feel that way now? Do I believe those things now? Is there room to learn/grow/be better?

How are you carving out time to reflect? Do you take time to invest in yourself and who you are? Do you consider who you want to be? Do you learn how to get there? Are you feeling empty or missing something? How are you going to fix that? Are you proud of changes over time?

There are so many questions and opportunities to reflect. And so many opportunities to be happier, live better, and enjoy more. Sigh, the cliche is true. You get one shot. One chance to make the most of this journey. Take the time to make it a life you can say you did your best to live authentically as your best you. It's never ever easy, but it's always worth it. You invest so much in others, why aren't you deserving of the same?

Inspiration Everywhere

Today I want to celebrate the people in my world who inspire me.  I don't think we look around at the people in our world enough and give them credit for the role they play in our lives.  Certainly we get complacent in our routines and although we appreciate the humans that make up our tribe, we may not always consider why they're a constant force in our days.  

For the purpose of this blog - because you don't know any of these people, I'll use initials.  

GC (Friend) - GC passed in 2013 of breast cancer.  She inspires me everyday to never settle, take risks, and never stop laughing.

KH (My Aunt) - My aunt passed away in March of this year.  She was vivacious, passionate about giving back, and always treated you as if you were the most special person in the world.  She inspires me to be kinder.

CC (Friend) - CC is a friend I've known since we were little tiny sequins.  She is accomplished, constantly working on herself, and has recently committed herself to traveling the world.  She inspires me to cut people a break and to continue to put myself out there.  

KM (Friend) - KM is part of my girl tribe.  She lives life with an open heart.  She inspires me to let my guard down and keep my heart vulnerable.

JR (Friend) - JR is also part of my babe tribe.  She is a risk taker and an advocate.  She inspires me to be a strong woman and to take chances on my dreams.

BDS (Best Babes) - The BDS is my girl gang.  There are 5 of us.  These women are accepting, loving, supportive, and nonjudgmental.  They inspire me to love myself.

My Family - I have a large family.  We are all quite unique (thank goodness for that).  Each one inspires me in a different way but overall, these people inspire me to rely on others.  To never let myself be alone.

JK (Friend) - I met JK when I moved to Dallas.  She's a creative.  She's also in tune with her feelings.  She inspires me to not be ashamed of the way I feel.  And to talk about it more.  

DB (Friend) - DB and I met at work.  She celebrates everything.  She inspires me to celebrate more and to never need an occasion to make someone feel important.  

AO/SG - My Dallas work tribe. These women are brilliant, hardworking, kind people. They inspire me to keep learning and to never doubt my skill set. 

PH (My Cousin) - PH is my baby cousin. He recently lost his mom. He is the smartest person I know, the kindest and most loving family member. He inspires me to challenge myself in all the ways I’m afraid to challenge myself. 

KC (BFF) - KC can survive and thrive anywhere. He doesn’t judge. He doesn’t stress. He’s my hype man. He inspires me to know my worth.  

KW (Friend) - My Girl is fierce. She is the best mom. She works hard. She inspires me to be my authentic spicy sassy self because there’s nothing wrong with a bad ass woman with a big heart.  

Obviously there are A LOT of people who inspire me, not all listed here.  The point is, I'm surrounded by some incredible human beings.  

Do yourself a favor and think critically about why the people in your world exist there.  It will give you a greater appreciation for the real ones, and potentially a way to cut the ones loose who don't deserve your time.  Who inspires you everyday?

The Reason for the Season

I'm so basic when it comes to the Holiday season, I can't stand me either.  I'm a sucker for the glitz, the cheer, the food - everything.  And while I may not be religious - I'll never forget the reason for the season is gratitude.

Gratitude for a time to reset, a time to be with the ones you love, and time for appreciating the possibilities of the future.

It's pretty true the Holidays are quite Hallmark.  But this is probably the one time that I couldn't care less.

So much of life is a hustle.  It's a routine of work hard, work harder, find time for fun, sleep, and repeat.  Having an entire season dedicated to finding time to slow down and believing in magic is something we can all afford to let consume us a bit.

I am grateful for the time off, the extra time spent with my family and friends, and the extra sparkle in the world.

Whatever the reason for your season - I hope it brings you joy and I hope you have the best Holiday season - whatever that means to you!

Proud NOW

I read a quote on IG the other day (which is where all motivational quotes come from) that said "Be proud of where you are now."  And that really resonated with me in my current state of making the moments count. 

Since I was a teeny tiny squish - I have planned what I would do and what I would achieve someday.  And in all that planning - I often forget to celebrate where I'm at now.  I forget to give myself a high five for all the little wins that will eventually get to me to the biggest wins of my dreams.

I may not be where I want to be, I may not have checked all my boxes, but I've achieved a lot of things over the years that should not be taken lightly.  I made why way into the world of events with little experience, I ran track at a D1 school, I worked for a professional sports team.  I got over my fear of flying by getting on a plane almost weekly at this point.  I traveled out of the country.  I risked it all and left the comforts of California.  I fell in love. 

And every day - I'm getting those small wins.  Am I where I want to be at the end of the day?  Probably not because type A people are never at their peak - but I do a lot of really awesome things.  And I need to remember to take the time to give myself a gold star for where I'm at now.  

I've made it through the struggles and I've refused to give up when I thought I could never stage a comeback.  And I've got a lot of wins to celebrate.  Instead of dwelling on where I'm not, I'm going to celebrate where I am.  It seems pretty silly to let all the little things pass you by when you could be making the most of the journey by popping bubbles and confetti much more often.

Whether it be having a difficult conversation at work, going on a first date, getting an interview for a job, sticking that new pose at Pilates, I'm going to celebrate it.  These little victories are what make my puzzle complete, why wouldn't I make sure each piece has a little extra sparkle on it?

Miniature Smiles

I've been really busy at work lately.  Working 7 days a week at times busy.  We are short staffed and so I've been stepping up to the plate to get things done and I'm exhausted.  I'm burnt out, I'm cranky, and I'm not handling stress well.  My anxiety is at an all time high and I should not be left alone without adult supervision.

One of my closest girlfriends and fellow anxious babes suggested I take life hour by hour right now until things are able to slow down.  And as insane as that sounds to break your day down by every hour, it's not a bad idea.  So here's what I've done.  I've decided to find a little happiness and reset in each hour.  

These little acts of joy aren't big.  Sometimes they're 30 second breathers, but what I've learned is that it's actually helping me from going off the deep end.  Make no mistake, I'm still one broken nail away from packing up and moving to a yacht in Italy and letting myself be funded by a wrinkly 85 year old sugar daddy, but I haven't done it yet (Moo is so proud).

So what are these sparkle breaks you ask?  Kind of you to inquire.  Here are some examples:

• Grab an iced tea or coffee
• Surf social media
• Text my family
• Take a walk
• Eat a snack
• Chat with a friend
• Get a workout in
• Cook a meal
• Snuggle my dog
• Shop online

Clearly I'm not changing my life with these.  They're things a lot of you are probably doing on the daily thinking how is she calling these wins?  But for me, during a completely chaotic time, these are HUGE wins.  If you're in a very "no two days are the same" career like I am, we don't have normal working schedules.  We fly by the seat of our sequin pants sometimes and being able to slow down and make personal time is the biggest success of our day.  Simply not walking out or killing anyone is the most proud I feel all week right now.

If you're living that non stressful, perfect work life balance life - this blog is not for you.  Continue on.  But for the rest of my fellow sequins out there who often have a hard time managing the stress of being superwoman at home and at work - have hope!  There are small victories and there are reprieves in your day.  But it's on YOU to put in the effort, set your boundaries and effectively create that balance.  

Now go forth and make the most of your day.  And send me your ways that you incorporate a little sparkle into your hours at work.  

Every Day is a reason to CELEBRATE!

We all save things for special occasions.  Outfits, bottles of champagne -  whatever it is - we hold onto it for a celebration.  But why not treat every single day as a day to indulge in the best?

If I've learned anything in the past few years - its that life isn't promised, the good and the bad can change very quickly, and things are in fact - just things.  That being said, I'm still a bit of a hoarder.  I have wine I've been saving for two years, clothes I haven't worn yet because what if I need the perfect outfit for an event, and I often buy things I don't need.  So certainly although I say that the time is NOW to celebrate - I admit I need a little development of my own to practice what I preach.

I get it - the girl who is obsessed with glitter and plans parties is not out here celebrating every moment?  Alas - I am a fraud.  Well, not a fraud really, because I do tend to gift vials of glitter to people purely because every day deserves a little sparkle.  And I do wear tutus to work just because it's a Tuesday and I want to feel like a princess.  But I still save the bubbles and good red wines for special days - and then when the special days come - I claim they're not quite special enough for the good bottle.

But really - the good wine, the cute top, the fancy necklace - they're things.  I value them so much and yet when they're gone or worn - they're barely an after thought.  So what are we waiting for?  I had a really great week of work last week.  That's a reason to celebrate.  I walked for an hour today on an incline without foot pain - that deserves the good bottle of bubbles for sure!  The point is - it's not that hard to find a reason to celebrate. 

Instead of saving things for special occasions - create special occasions with what you've already got.  Stuff is stuff and things are things.  We give them value by how we use them and how we hold them up in our lives.  I'm going to start having the good wine on a Tuesday because I can.  And I'm going to wear the gorgeous shoes on a Thursday because I look good in them.  I'm goin to give Nash the fancy treats more often because he deserves it. 

Life is your special occasion.  Being alive is your reason to celebrate.  Commemorate the day and make memories because you freaking can.  I want to get to the end and remember the 1,000 times I chose to have a sparkly day - instead of the 4 times I celebrated because I wanted to save the cool things.  Throw a party because you woke up today.  And use the good china.  JK - I don't have any good china - but you can bet I've got a lot of good wine.

Valentine's Day

Traditionally, Valentine's Day is amazing for people in relationships and National Singles Awareness Day to others.  Whether I'm dating someone or not - I LOVE VALENTINES DAY!

Certainly it's a Hallmark holiday.  And in reality its not to be taken very seriously.  But a day dedicated to love, shiny things and chocolate is a day I'm happy to celebrate!  I also highly value February 15th when all candy is 50% off. 

Whatever your relationship status - I'd like to change your perspective on the day of love and challenge you to think about it in a new way.  It should be fun and it should be exactly what it stands for - a day to celebrate love.

 I want you to think of valentine's day as a day to celebrate all relationships.  Romantic, family, friends, anyone you value in your life (I highly value the guy who delivers my Amazon Prime shipments, he gets a valentine!).  And I want you to include your relationship with yourself in that day.  Choose to celebrate love for all of those people. 

Now Valentine's Day is after all at its most basic - a Hallmark Holiday meant to encourage spending.  Instead of elaborate gifts, choose to create gifts from the heart.  Think back to when you were a kid and the fun cards you gave to everyone and little conversational hearts you handed out to classmates.  Make Valentine's Day about true care again.  Write a card, handout the old school candy hearts,  frame your favorite photo, cook for your special people.  Whatever you do - don't make it about stuff.  Make it about the heart.

So no matter what your romantic situation - don't let that define what a day of love means to you.  It's absolutely ridiculous to let a day define your value to yourself and others.  If all else fails - be your own Valentine.  Treat your damn self if you should so choose.  Just remember to be thankful for the love in your life, because that's what every day should be about.  Not the things, the love and the people who light up your world. 

And if you are in a romantic relationship - don't let the day become about gifts and grand gestures.  Celebrate each other and the life you're building together.

At the end of the day - Valentine's Day is pretty freaking awesome.  A little extra love and cheesy positivity never hurt nobody!