I had an Epiphany

The other day, I was being very introspective and in my feels. And that led me to an epiphany.

I am at peace.

I’ve certainly got a long way to go to be completely comfortable in life and I have my very off days - but for the most part, I am simply at peace.

For a really long time (is this my favorite way to start a sentence?) I was always in turmoil. Always struggling to not let the actions and words of others affect me.

From traumas to friendships to work — I would internalize everything and allow it to completely control my inner peace.

Through therapy, and a whole lot of commitment each day, I think I’ve got an initial understanding of how to combat that.

I’ve made myself happy.

I detach from things and people who bring me great stress, I put a lot of time towards the things that make me feel whole, and I repeat over and over to myself — that is not yours to control.

I haven’t ever been a judgmental person. It’s not in my nature. BUT, I do think that when I’m unhappy with myself, I find ways to be unhappy with others. I’ll be less patient with a coworker or I’ll make a snippy comment about a friend.

Lately, that’s not been a thing. For the most part, I have more patience, less internal bitterness, and more namaste.

Because I am a very instant gratification, what’s the purpose, when do we achieve the goal type A person — I want to have tangible results on things. Even therapy. And after a year of steadily committing to it, I was thinking where has it brought me and what has it taught me.

And the biggest thing I realized is this peace. The ability to let things go as not mine to own. And to genuinely not feel on the defensive 24/7. To not constantly be waiting for what’s next and allowing my anxieties to convince me of things that simply are not true.

Everything is not perfect, but all the sparkles are falling into place. I’m not naive enough to believe everything will be sparkles and rainbows forever, but I am confident I have better tools to manage the storms. Acknowledging that I am at peace gives me the realization that I have all the tools in front of me. When things get hard, I have everything I need to get through it.

My biggest piece of advice for those of you struggling with anxiety is to find peace within yourself. Figure out what that looks like and how to achieve it. And harness it. Go back to that place whenever you can. Write down what gets you there. Create a toolbox that you can rely on when things get tough. Because they will. They always will.

I had an epiphany the other day, and it has everything to do with the faith I have in myself.

Meditation Monday

Cool, so it's Friday. But Meditation Friday doesn't sound right. I brought you daily mantras last month and this month I'm expanding our hippie lifestyle to include meditation. 

I've always been a skeptic of meditation. I can't sit still longer than 5 minutes without seeing a shiny object and abandoning the stillness for more exciting adventures. 

Recently, I discovered an app called Headspace. It's free for the basic sessions and then you can subscribe to more advanced levels as you progress in your practice. 

Headspace is the first and only experience I've ever had with meditation. This is not an ad, I downloaded the app at the recommendation of a Psychologist that is heavily respected in his field. 

You start out meditating for 3 minutes. And as easy as that sounds, I've got ADHD and anxiety - getting me to focus on nothing for 3 minutes and just feeling my body in its current space - that's damn near impossible. But I challenged myself to commit to 5 days of the introductory course and I did it!

It certainly wasn't easy, but it's definitely been beneficial to me and calming my anxious thoughts before bed. For me, bedtime is where I struggle. It takes me ages to fall asleep and I don't remember the last time I've slept through the night. Taking a few minutes to clear my head before I go to sleep has helped me to have more success in my snoozing habits.

Now I have to be honest, I did fall off the Headspace meditation game for a few weeks while I was abroad. But the cool thing is, it's so easy to catch back up with whenever you are able to make the time. 

I'm a big fan of the specific categories they offer within the app as well. There's sleep, flying, school, work, EVERYTHING that keeps us stressing in the world. 

The best part - it's not a bunch of hippie nonsense that weirds me out. It's simple, straightforward, and just asks you to get in tune with yourself. 

If you're looking for some natural help with anxiety, stress, or fears, download Headpsace and give meditation a try for 5 days. If it doesn't work for you, you've really only wasted a good 15 minutes of your life, and we all know you waste way more time than that tagging friends in memes. 

Genetic Counseling

I know genetic counseling can be controversial.  Some people would rather not know.  Others not only want all the information, they're willing to take drastic measures to cut down the risk of disease.  I'm in the second group.  I want as much knowledge as possible and I want to take all preventative measures.  I'm willing to endure temporary discomfort to better my future.  

If you are group A - you can stop reading now, this one isn't for you.  The rest of you, buckle up, this one is important.

Cancer has unfortunately become all too common for many of us and our families.  My family is not immune to this.  Because of that, I've decided to become informed about my risk for this horrible disease.

Genetic counseling is a process used to evaluate and understand a patient or relative's risk of an inherited medical condition.  Genetic counselors advise of the probability of developing or transmitting the disease and options open to management and family planning.

Simply put: your genetic counselor is someone who works with you to determine whether or not a disease is genetic, the likelihood of you developing it in your life, and how to react to whichever outcome is determined.

As a side bar - healthcare can be expensive.  Financial factors often play into our decisions in preventative medicine.  My insurance covers genetic testing if I follow the recommended process.  As I walk through my experience, I will note financial implications.  Please make sure before you go through genetic counseling to reach out to your insurance company to find out what your options are.

I made my appointment with Baylor Health Cancer Center here in Dallas, Texas after my primary care physician recommended I meet with a counselor due to the heavy presence of cancer on both sides of my family (this means I only had a copay for my one hour initial consultation). 

Prior to my appointment I filled out an extensive family history for both sides of my immediate family.  Everything from ages to age of cancer diagnosis to results of their genetic testing was on this questionnaire.  When I arrived for my appointment this document was relied upon to give initial recommendations for testing.

When I arrived to meet my genetic counselor she explained to me in detail the latest discoveries in genetic testing as well as step by step what to expect from my appointment.  Ultimately she decided that the best route to give me accurate results would be to have a familial member who currently or recently had cancer complete more genetic testing.  From this we can determine whether or not the cancer is gene related.  She explained that if I still wanted to get tested I could pay a lot of money (about $500-$1,000) and then even if I do test positive, that doesn't determine if I have a familial cancer gene, it could just mean I personally have a defect.  But if I waited to find out results from my family member, we could determine more accurate information.   The entire process at Baylor Health was easy and comfortable.  From check in to meeting with my counselor, I feel lucky for the experience I have had.

I'm explaining this all very briefly - mostly because I'm not a doctor and every journey is unique.  But I chose to wait and have my family member get further genetic testing before I move forward with any testing of my own.  From here, when we receive her results we will be able to determine if her cancer is genetic or not.  If she does show up positive for a genetic mutation - I will then get tested to see if the gene has passed down to me.  

If I test negative, it does not mean I will not eventually be diagnosed with cancer.  It just means I don't have the familial gene that gives me higher risk for the disease.  And if I test positive it does not guarantee I will be diagnosed with the disease, it just makes it more likely.  And within those 21 genes that doctors are currently testing, each can tell you about a different type of cancer within the entire cancer family.  Again - these tests are informational, they do not guarantee you anything either way.  Be cognizant of lifestyle factors as well as you're educating yourself.

I have thought briefly about what I will do either way.  And while I can debate options all I want, I need to know results before I can consider anything.  There are just too many outcomes to make an informed decision for my next steps.

The entire process is not short.  It's intense, it's lengthy, and it requires digging out a lot of information.  I'm only on step two  But I left that appointment feeling informed and empowered.  I'm excited to learn about my family genetic risk and what my options are moving forward.

For now - I wait!  As I learn more, I will keep you posted on the implications.  I'm very passionate about cancer research and education and while health is a very personal journey, I want to inspire others to educate themselves and seek preventative healthcare that works for them.  

Stay tuned sequins...