Ignorance is bliss

I spoke about this in an earlier blog but I wanted to elaborate. I have said and thought a lot of ignorant things in my life. And I feel a lot of shame for ever thinking those things or speaking them into existence. Now on the level of ignorance, I’ve still always been pretty aware. But it’s important to acknowledge that I’ve said and thought things that are wrong and socially or politically unaware.

Why is this worth two blog posts? Because right now society exists in a place of us vs them. We are in constant competition to say what is right and what is wrong and who can be the most woke. There is so much shame around anyone who has ever thought something that is ignorant that I think many people live in fear of speaking up. That is not how we create a better world moving forward.

America is fucked up right now. Truly, I’m not sure how to sugarcoat that or say it in a better way. We rip children from their families. We are killing innocent black men at an alarming rate. Women’s rights are being stripped every single day. Hate is everywhere. And our President is the biggest proponent of this.

I’m all for standing up and saying what you believe is wrong. If you believe in hate, racism, sexism - general bigotry - you need to be called out on that. It is not ok to push these agendas.

Here’s where I disagree with some liberal agendas - shaming people for what they believe. In order to affect change, we have got to say you’re wrong and this is why. And we have to listen. Really sit down and listen and have open nonjudgmental conversations with people.

I am able to be more open and aware because I had people who allowed me safe spaces for questions. I openly spoke my ignorance into those safe spaces and instead of being shamed, I was given patience and guidance to a new perspective. Because those people shared their stories in such a comforting environment, I was able to form new opinions on my own based on hearing other experiences.

Politics and social issues are not a competition between two teams to be won and lost. Everyone continues to lose if we continue to operate the way we are. It’s not a game. Human lives have been lost. More lives are at risk. We need to do everything we can to encourage change as best we can through open and safe environments. The more we create a culture of fear, the longer we will live in this state of ugly. And I am so sick and heartbroken by the ugly I see around me.

I have believed ignorant things. I will probably believe more ignorant things again. I am not a bad person. I’m a better person because I’m willing to learn and grow and become a better member of society through safe spaces.

It’s also really important to me to be a safe space for anyone who needs one. If you have questions/comments or need someone to talk with, please know that I am here for you. If you’re open to growth and being more aware and empathetic, I’m here to help you however I can on that journey.

Educated

A lot of the problems that we face in society are due to a lack of education. Most people that carry around close minded, often bigoted viewpoints, do so because they are not educated. Schooling in America is broken. Teachers lack vital resources. Often times we can't even get kids to show up. And for whatever reason even in the classroom, we aren't teaching life skills necessary to coexisting.

We also have college educated adults who don't know a damn thing about life in the real world. I firmly believe that it doesn't matter where you are in life, you should always be learning. And not necessarily textbook learning. We are stuck politically and socially because people know nothing about other people and other situations.

If you're not spending time each day learning, you're failing.

I get it, everyone is busy. But we each have a responsibility to be better citizens. And time is no excuse for not learning.

Podcasts

Everyone has a commute, time at the gym, time at your desk, etc. Commit time each day to listen to a podcast wherever you can fit that in. There are so many options when it comes to content, there's no excuse not to find something you will enjoy. Between crime, politics, pop culture, history, honestly the list is endless.

Recommended: Ear Hustle, What You Missed in History Class, Pod Save America, Left Right and Center, Ted Radio Hour, Stuff You Should Know, 50 Things that Made the Modern Economy

Books

Weird, books still exist? YES. And they exist in many forms. I still go to the library where they're free but you can buy them anywhere and read them in digital form if you must. Additionally, you can even listen to books on audio so you can enjoy them as you would a podcast! Mix up your genres. It's cool to learn politics and social issues but reread some of the books you read as a kid because they actually make sense now.

Recommended: The Tipping Point (Malcolm Gladwell), American Government 101 (Kathleen Sears), What you should know about politics but don't (Jessamyn Conrad), Redeployment (Phil Klay), 1984 (George Orwell), The Hate U Give (Angie Thomas), Nickel & Dimed: On (NOT) getting by in America (Barbara Ehrenreich), To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee), We Should All Be Feminists (Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie).

Talk

Spend time talking to people who are nothing like you. Have a friend who's deeply religious and you are not? Sit down and ask them questions. Are you a white woman? Speak with someone who is black or Asian or Latina about their everyday experiences. Find someone who is comfortable having an awkward conversation in a safe space. The more you ask the questions we all have but don't often know how to ask, the more you learn about what its like to be someone who is not you.

Recommended: Meet with people who have different political, racial, socioeconomic, gender, sexual preferences, etc. Come prepared with questions and really listen. Don't come in ready to challenge their way of thinking. Come in ready to take in everything they have to say and really think about that based on how they grew up and how they experience life. Then, meet again and discuss your differences and follow up questions you may have. Educated discussion is always a good idea.

Take a Class/Attend a Lecture

There are so many University classes online and in person as well as free lectures you can sit in on. Universities are breeding grounds for learning. I think now more than ever students are looking for information to become more informed. I'd say most public universities are more liberal while private (unless they're arts based) can tend to be conservative. Topics are diverse and bonus is that you'll be sitting with people from various backgrounds who provide different viewpoints on the discussion. Check out colleges in your area and look to see what they're offering.

You'll notice I didn't put the news on here. I get it, the news is a great resource for what's going on in the world. For me, it's hard to find a lot of unbiased news. Certainly be informed and aware. Personally, I prefer to be on Twitter, to add google alerts, and then read news reports with a grain of salt. We all know not to watch Fox News because that's not actually journalism. Stay up to date on news as far as it provides you what's happening. But do your best to research those announcements so that you're able to form educated and informed opinions on them.

What else do you do to encourage learning? Where are you expanding your knowledge? There's not really a wrong way to learn as long as you do so with an open mind and as often as possible.

Career Corner - Part Whatever

It's been a hot minute since I did a piece in our career corner. Today I want to address career education and growth. As we get further in our career, I think its easy to drop off on the focus on learning. We become somewhat experts in our field and bank on the experience we have. The thing is, our industries and the work environment as a whole change so frequently that if you don't spend time seeking out education, you're not going to gain opportunities you otherwise might.

Recently, I've noticed that I've fallen victim to not making time to learn and grow and I absolutely believe it's hurt me as a professional. I refuse to become stale so I'm making a change and getting back into my routine of growing and learning.

First things first, I'm looking at what my company can offer me free. Because free is the best price and a company who offers free continuing education is a company committed to its employees. My company is heavily invested in growth. Through online classes and in person seminars, we are given the opportunity to learn about technical skills as well as industry specific creative trends. I'm making time to attend these.

Next, I'm taking advantage of the talent around me. I'm surrounded by people in various levels of their career and I'm scheduling time to pick their brains. I meet with the younger employees and ask what's new and trendy. I'm sitting with the seasoned vets to ask what they do as leaders in our company. In brainstorms I'm making sure we've got a plan to guide us to the most successful new ideas. I'm listening to every idea and I'm encouraging everyone to participate. The best ideas come from the most unexpected places and every brainstorm should welcome even the wildest ideas. No shaming, no dumb ideas.

I'm a also a big researcher. I'm literally using google to find out what others in my field are doing. I'm walking the streets/halls/courts to see what other brands are doing. I'm calling contacts and asking what the latest technology is. I'm engaging with consumers and attendees to ask what they like/don't like about what we do. I'm open to feedback and I'm interested in what I've never seen or done. And I'm constantly looking at how I can make those things just a little bit different or better.

Lastly, I'm investing in areas that I know I need improvement. Whether than be a conference, training, or book - I'm spending money to make me a better employee or candidate for a future company. If you don't invest in your skills, how do you expect to be invested in?

The consistent in the working world is that everyone wants the dream job and that job is few and far between. A lot of us are qualified. A lot of us are the perfect candidate or employee. But unless you're expanding your knowledge and what you bring to the table, you're falling behind. And don't give me the I'm too busy crap. We are all busy. Time is a choice. Make time to learn and be better. If you don't someone else will, and that person will get the dream job and they'll keep it because they refuse to become stagnant.

Career Corner: Personal Training

In every career you should exhibit a bit of personal training (AKA always be learning).  Not every company mandates that you participate in consistent career training and not every company even has resources available for you to take advantage of.  However, this doesn't mean you just stop learning, growing, and staying current.  The moment you stop your personal training is the moment you start becoming irrelevant.

Research

Most of our industries are constantly evolving.  There are new procedures, data, new players - a wealth of "new" to keep up with.  It's on you to stay up to date on what's happening in your world and be able to incorporate it into your everyday skill set and knowledge.  How?

• Subscribe to a journal relevant to what you do
• Google: seriously, google your industry and read what pops up in the news
• Check out which companies are winning awards and look at what they're doing

Network

Continue to grow and expand your network within and outside of your industry.  Talk to your clients and colleagues and get their input.  Engage with your circle by asking for feedback as well as to ask what they're doing to stay current.  

Attend a Conference/Training

Many companies will pay for part or all of your attendance at a conference relevant to your career.  Create a presentation and show your supervisor why you want to attendance a conference/training and provide clear cost implications.  Offer to provide a recap to share with the team when you return.  Make your experience something that benefits the company as a whole.  If your company doesn't support this kind of training, invest in it on your own and then get a new job with a company that does value continued education.

Take Advantage of What your Company Does Offer

Even if it's just online training, take advantage of what is free and available at your company.  Even if it's not industry relevant and just career focused (i.e. management skills, writing, etc.) make sure you're taking as much training as you can.  Attend in person workshops and brainstorm sessions wherever possible as well.  

Constant growth and training requires a lot of effort on your part.  It's above and beyond the normal everyday grind but it's absolutely critical to maintaining relevance and skills to make you the best employee and candidate in the game!

Get out there and grow sequins! 

Ears Closed

Lately - everyone wants to talk, but nobody wants to listen.  For some reason, politics have become more divisive than ever.  It's seemingly very important to have two distinct categories of people - liberal and conservative.  

Instead of engaging in meaningful conversation - discussion even - we are at odds in a way that lends  itself to fierce battle.  If someone disagrees with you, there's a heated back and forth until someone finally gives up, shoots a hateful retort and leaves the conversation.  Ultimately this leads to one person accusing the other of being unable to accept anyone who isn't like them.  and the other person accusing that first person of being hateful and ignorant.  And so the cycle continues.

Some things we all need to understand to create an environment conducive to change:

1. There is ONE side here, it's humanity.  We all live here, we all have to find a way to make it work or shit's about to get really unsafe for us all.  
2. We all have to give up some pride and be willing to truly listen and be open to a middle ground
3. Not one person EVER needs to accept hate, ignorance, or bigotry into their world.  If you are engaging with someone who simply does not understand they are speaking from a place of privilege, racism, sexism - remove yourself from that situation.  That's not refusing to accept a different opinion, that's refusing to accept we have to continue the cycle we are currently in.
4. Time is up.  We don't have anymore time to keep fighting each other.  Compromises have to be made and action has to be taken. NOW

I'm going to keep it 100 - I threw up in my purse hungover less than six months ago, so relying on me for all of the answers, that's probably not how we should save the world.  But I think we can look to me for some guidance on how to start engaging in a better way.  And even if we can't, I'm going to try.

1. Communicate: Talk with others, not to them.  It's respectable to stand by your opinion, but sometimes it's important to understand when your opinion isn't relevant, respectful, or productive.  Stop already crafting a response to someone's opinion before you've even heard what they have to say.  Everyone wants to peak but nobody wants to listen.  For example.  Gun policy.  I don't really care if you think we need them or should ban them all - we have to all understand what we have right now is not working.  So let's all be open to finding out what will work, getting research and facts around that and then committing to something that works.  
2. Educate: Everyone is an expert.  Everyone has facts.  Realistically, we are all probably mostly wrong or relying on the wrong sources.  Educate yourself.  Find legitimate sources for your news and facts.  To be very clear, there is no doubt Fox News is incredibly bias so lets all stop kidding ourselves there.  Understand where studies are funded when you quote their facts.
3. Equality: At the end of the day, everyone is deserving of equality so if that's not something you're willing to accept or engage with, you've got to understand we are leaving you behind in this discussion.  If you accept racism, sexism, hate, bigotry as existing in your world - if you refuse to acknowledge we have a problem with privilege and racism - we have to drop you off here because the future deserve better.

I see a lot of people in the world engaging with other people in the ugliest way.  I've been accused of being hateful and not open to other opinions myself - and while that's extremely misguided (and often from the people who don't understand racism or privilege) - I think it would be ignorant of me not to pause and review what I say when that does occur.  Not one of us is perfect, and we all have moments that we get too heated.  So if you have the opportunity to reflect and improve - do so - if only to help produce a more efficient future.  And ultimately, if you find yourself engaging with someone who truly isn't open to change - its important for your sanity - and for the sake of productivity - to simply wish them well and remove them from your world.  There's enough well meaning people out there - on both "sides" that we can create a better future for ourselves and generations to come.

Privilege

I'd like to share something with you.  I'm white.  Like grew up in the suburbs, 2 parents, 2 kids, 2 dogs, soccer on Saturday's - white.  Ok I'm Portuguese.  But unless it's July, you can easily tell, I'm a white woman who grew up middle class.  

Is my life perfect?  Not even a little bit.  People actually don't believe a lot of my stories because shit like that doesn't happen in real life.  Let me tell you - it does, it has, I made it through.  I wish someone gave me the souvenir photo but I probably threw it away because it didn't have a puppy filter.

I used to struggle with the idea of white privilege.  It absolutely used to offend me.  I doubted its existence.  Realistically though, I never took the time to understand it.

But I asked some questions, did some research, mostly talked to people other than myself, and then asked some questions of people who are like me and here's where I'm at:

Having privilege does not mean I have not struggled.  Being white is not something I'm expected to apologize for.  White privilege isn't a label I've got to wear that says my life is rainbows and unicorns.

For me - understanding that I have privilege just simply means I get my struggles are different than someone who grew up in the same world but is black.  Or Latino.  Or really anything other than white.

The thing is - I am white.  So while I can listen to the stories of those not like me - those without that privilege - I don't know what its like.  Realistically, I never will.

But I'd like to use my voice to speak about it because I would hope that others would do the same for me.  I'd really like to work towards making life a little more equal.  I know, bet you guys never figured me for a good person, I didn't either but here we are.

Now I get it - life isn't equal and it never will be.  And you don't ever have to apologize for the life you have.  Being born wealthy or lucky or privileged is not something you have to stand up and apologize for.  You don't owe anything to anyone.  In fact, if you want to call it life's lottery and leave it at that - go right ahead.  You may even believe everyone has the same shot and needs to put in the same work.  I'll give you that life is hard and takes a lot of effort.  But given two people who are giving the same effort, coming from the same background but one is a minority and one is not - history kiiiiiiind of shows us the white guy is going to win (and I don't say GUY on accident).

You know - while we're at it - someone remind me to do a piece on male privilege because I'm currently living in the South (Texas, calm down, you're the South to the rest of America) and male privilege is flourishing.

Cool Cool - back to privilege.  Here's the thing.  Privilege is also widely associated with wealth.  And it's associated with being bad - making privileged people bad.  It doesn't mean any of that.  I'm not wealthy (Why hasn't anyone started a Go Fund me for this lifestyle) and I'm not even that bad of a person.  But there are people out there who will experience struggles I won't ever experience, simply because of the color of their skin. 

To recap - privilege is not something to apologize for, to feel guilty for, or to even take on as a burden.  But if you realize it's there - it is an opportunity to learn about the struggles of other people and to work for inclusion in a world that quite frankly is trying to be anything but.

Genetic Counseling

I know genetic counseling can be controversial.  Some people would rather not know.  Others not only want all the information, they're willing to take drastic measures to cut down the risk of disease.  I'm in the second group.  I want as much knowledge as possible and I want to take all preventative measures.  I'm willing to endure temporary discomfort to better my future.  

If you are group A - you can stop reading now, this one isn't for you.  The rest of you, buckle up, this one is important.

Cancer has unfortunately become all too common for many of us and our families.  My family is not immune to this.  Because of that, I've decided to become informed about my risk for this horrible disease.

Genetic counseling is a process used to evaluate and understand a patient or relative's risk of an inherited medical condition.  Genetic counselors advise of the probability of developing or transmitting the disease and options open to management and family planning.

Simply put: your genetic counselor is someone who works with you to determine whether or not a disease is genetic, the likelihood of you developing it in your life, and how to react to whichever outcome is determined.

As a side bar - healthcare can be expensive.  Financial factors often play into our decisions in preventative medicine.  My insurance covers genetic testing if I follow the recommended process.  As I walk through my experience, I will note financial implications.  Please make sure before you go through genetic counseling to reach out to your insurance company to find out what your options are.

I made my appointment with Baylor Health Cancer Center here in Dallas, Texas after my primary care physician recommended I meet with a counselor due to the heavy presence of cancer on both sides of my family (this means I only had a copay for my one hour initial consultation). 

Prior to my appointment I filled out an extensive family history for both sides of my immediate family.  Everything from ages to age of cancer diagnosis to results of their genetic testing was on this questionnaire.  When I arrived for my appointment this document was relied upon to give initial recommendations for testing.

When I arrived to meet my genetic counselor she explained to me in detail the latest discoveries in genetic testing as well as step by step what to expect from my appointment.  Ultimately she decided that the best route to give me accurate results would be to have a familial member who currently or recently had cancer complete more genetic testing.  From this we can determine whether or not the cancer is gene related.  She explained that if I still wanted to get tested I could pay a lot of money (about $500-$1,000) and then even if I do test positive, that doesn't determine if I have a familial cancer gene, it could just mean I personally have a defect.  But if I waited to find out results from my family member, we could determine more accurate information.   The entire process at Baylor Health was easy and comfortable.  From check in to meeting with my counselor, I feel lucky for the experience I have had.

I'm explaining this all very briefly - mostly because I'm not a doctor and every journey is unique.  But I chose to wait and have my family member get further genetic testing before I move forward with any testing of my own.  From here, when we receive her results we will be able to determine if her cancer is genetic or not.  If she does show up positive for a genetic mutation - I will then get tested to see if the gene has passed down to me.  

If I test negative, it does not mean I will not eventually be diagnosed with cancer.  It just means I don't have the familial gene that gives me higher risk for the disease.  And if I test positive it does not guarantee I will be diagnosed with the disease, it just makes it more likely.  And within those 21 genes that doctors are currently testing, each can tell you about a different type of cancer within the entire cancer family.  Again - these tests are informational, they do not guarantee you anything either way.  Be cognizant of lifestyle factors as well as you're educating yourself.

I have thought briefly about what I will do either way.  And while I can debate options all I want, I need to know results before I can consider anything.  There are just too many outcomes to make an informed decision for my next steps.

The entire process is not short.  It's intense, it's lengthy, and it requires digging out a lot of information.  I'm only on step two  But I left that appointment feeling informed and empowered.  I'm excited to learn about my family genetic risk and what my options are moving forward.

For now - I wait!  As I learn more, I will keep you posted on the implications.  I'm very passionate about cancer research and education and while health is a very personal journey, I want to inspire others to educate themselves and seek preventative healthcare that works for them.  

Stay tuned sequins...

Political Expert: Me.

Now I would not consider me a political expert.  I would consider myself politically educated, aware, and informed.  But I also have moments whereI have to google things because I have no idea what you're talking about.

But politically speaking - I think the party system is the dumbest invention we've got in politics.  Politics are not a sport.  When one side wins, a lot of people can lose.  I find it a bit Hunger Games in general when a political party wins and millions of people lose healthcare, or families are divided, or really poor people suffer more. 

Politically I don't identify with either party as a whole.  Blind party loyalty is how we ended up in the mess we are in today and voting purely to align with Democrat or Republican is uneducated.  We would be a lot better off as a nation if everyone acted independently and researched policies, laws, and candidates and then made a choice based on what works best for human beings.  Read that back - because all the suits on Capitol Hill - they're not living in the same world we are.  These things we are voting on - they affect people like you and I more than suit #32 who is not affected by new healthcare laws or tax policies.

What I'm seeing lately is a country divided based on us vs them.  Democrat vs Republican.  There's a lot of who lost and who won.  And that disgusts me.  Politics affect lives.  They affect the livelihood of our people.  And THAT is what we need to focus on.  Winning is when we have low unemployment, a healthcare system that works by taking care of our families, and taxes that make it possible for everyone to have a shot at making it financially.  How is celebrating poverty, sickness, and hatred a part of our political system?  How is that winning for anyone?

I'm not really in a place to suggest what the solution is.  And we probably should not rely on me to fix the entire political system in America (Mandatory happy hour?) but I dare say I'm not alone in my feeling that what we;re currently working with is broken.  And feeling that way should not be confused for lack of pride in my country.  The people out there fighting against the bad are so in love with our great nation that we are fiercely committed to its survival.  I love America.  I am so proud to be American.  If I wasn't passionate about this country - I wouldn't be so active in defending what it was created to be.