Unbothered: Chapter Two

Good news, I am still living my most unbothered life. I have decided to take it to the next level and redefine my social media experience.

In the past, I’ve always welcomed differences of opinion on my timelines. I’ve heavily rolled my eyes at the 45 supporters and the ultra bigot crowd but I’ve let them take up space on my timeline. Even heavily engaged in a little back and forth on the important issues. That shit is canceled.

It’s social media. The discussions I have on there, they really aren’t changing lives. The kids from my hometown who haven’t ever done anything, the family friends who swim in the white privilege pool only - I don’t need them.

Life is too short. I don’t need to play nice with people who quite frankly, are a waste of time.

If you choose hateful, ignorant views in 2020, I’m over you. You’re a human troll, an internet troll, and most often, you aren’t going to change.

Truly, accepting a difference of opinion on things like human rights and social justice, that’s not a thing. That’s not something I owe anyone. There’s right and there’s wrong and there is no in between on those things.

I’m active in the real world. I’m donating my monies, my time, and I’m dedicating myself to learning the facts. I value being a productive and active member of society — for all the good things. I don’t feel comfortable resting in my privilege and I am not ok being quiet in times of injustice.

I honestly don’t even care anymore about changing the minds of a lot of folks that are too far gone. There are enough people out there willing to learn, grow, and fight for what’s right. Susan from my hometown who watches Fox News, live in your bubble girl, we are done with you. You sell that MLM and call it a boss babe career, and you call yourself a Christian but say nothing when babies are ripped from their families and put in cages. You’re livin girl, what a life.

I am not here for the draining unnecessary suck that is conservative social media. The misinformed, the #alllivesmatter, the idiots who think 45 has made our economy “boom” - get it off my feeds. If I haven’t seen you in 10 years, if we weren’t friends in real life and you’re out here spreading that nonsense, I am unsubscribing from you.

I’m focused, my sparkles are aligned, I’m rolling into 2020 full speed ahead curating a social media feed filled with puppies and empathy. You want to be part of it? Be a better human being. Otherwise, no vain selfies for you people, you will just have to find a way to survive without me. Which sounds impossible because I am a GD UNICORN.

Live Loud, Silently.

Unless you post about it on the socials, people assume you're not living life. How weird is that? Like if you don't post about your relationship, your job, your weekend fun, it didn't happen. Call me crazy but the less I'm on social media, the more I'm living my fullest life.

And yet - if I'm social stalking someone and they haven't posted in awhile - haven't put up an IG photo with BAE - I assume they broke up. Which makes no sense.

Say it with me: Just because you choose not to post about it, doesn't mean it's not real.

Life is meant to be lived really loud. It's meant to travel, adventure, spend time with others, eat, drink, run - its meant for all of the activities. You go out and get the dream job. Go on the bucket list trip. Marry the love of your life. And at the same time, the bad things happen too. We get fired. We experience breakups. We lose loved ones. It's all part of the circle of existing in the world. Or as Lion King so eloquently taught us - the circle of life. Disney really did teach us everything we ever need to survive and thrive.

Social media doesn't have to be involved in every step of your journey. Some things are meant to be kept to yourself, there's an energy and joy in holding some things close to your soul. I personally love keeping secrets. I think its exciting to be the only one (or among a select few) to know something happening in the world. As someone who used to share everything about my life on the socials, I've learned the peace that comes with experiencing milestones without social involvement.

Ok lady but you write a blog in which you share some very personal things. you're absolutely correct. But I get to craft the content you're receiving. I don't share anything I don't want to share. And a lot of the gritty details of my experiences, I hold them back because they're my business, not yours. My social media, and my blog - they are authentic to who I am - but they are also only a small snippet of who I am. As always - social media is and always will be, a highlight reel.

I love photos - and I'm constantly on my phone snapping pictures. Sure, sometimes for the socials - but most often, to have the memories. I like to print the photos I take and send them to friends and family and I like to frame them for my home and office. I associate pictures with vivid feelings. And so I like to keep them near. They remind me of how lucky I am, how much I've grown, how many experiences I've been lucky enough to have.

And I'm also a big proponent of setting the phone down. Of experiencing things without posting them. Sure - share things that make you feel joy, and scrolling the feeds can often bring smiles and memories and engage you with people who greatly affect your life. Social media is a powerfully positive tool. But it's also powerfully negative. Log off. Set the phone down. Walk away. Experience whatever moment you are in for what it is. There's something freeing about being completely unavailable and silent on the socials.

Creating a healthy relationship with social media starts with being able to shut it down. To have perspective. And to be able to utilize it as an enhancement, not a life force.

We've become so obsessed with how we appear on social media we forget to actually live life.

Seriously - do you know the people who go on vacations and then save photos to use at a later date? It appears they're always traveling or on an adventure when realistically, they went on one trip for a week a year ago and just keep posting photos. Or how about the people who take 100 selfies and just post them at different times? And the posed food photos others take and store to make sure they have content available at all times. That's a lot of time and energy just to mold a perfectly crafted news feed.

I got so frustrated with one of my best friends on vacation because she always wanted posed photos of herself on our trip. What about photos of us? Or of the scenery? I get it - everyone deserves to do life how they choose - but I want to experience it all. And not worry about how I look doing it. I want time with the people and places that matter. (To be fair - not everyone does things the same way and we are more like sisters at this point so we are supposed to annoy each other lol).

I have friends who only post on certain days/times or certain amounts to maximize likes. Not because they're famous or sponsored or doing it for work, because they simply want likes. What do likes provide you? If your self worth is defined by how many likes you get - you've got a problem.

Am I going to completely get off social media? I'm not. I absolutely get caught up in it at times. There are even times in which I feel unhappy as a direct result of social media. And when that happens, I want to be able to recognize it and walk away. Even for a brief amount of time.

You don't owe anyone any part of your life that you don't want to share. In fact, life will become a lot more enjoyable and a lot more peaceful by not sharing more than you share. Share some things, save others. Log on and then spend time logged off. Make social media enjoyable, not a chore and not a burden. Live your life in the world super loud but live in online silently. You won't regret not posting, but you may regret posting.

Social Media Savvy

Social media is the new wave of connectivity.  Billions of dollars are spent on research determining the best days, times, and platforms for engaging with business and consumers.  For most of us building brands for our small businesses, this strategy looks a little bit different. But if you ever hope to have a successful brand, you better have a very well thought out strategy to get you there.  I'm no expert, and I'm also no social media star.  My brand is in its very early stages of infancy, which is even more reason to develop my approach strategically.  As someone who consistently does her research, creates a plan, and then evaluates the plan, I like to think I know a little bit about being social media savvy.

So whether you're creating an empire, or simply looking for likes - create a plan for engagement and while this doesn't always ensure your success, it does increase your chances.  

Create your Voice

Who are you?  What is your brand?  What do you want your presence to say?  My blog is authentically my voice.  How I speak on here is eerily similar to how I speak in person.  I knew I wanted to be a brand that speaks to keeping it real to my experiences, values, and personality.  Whenever I write, I keep that voice consistent.  Don't confuse your base by being inconsistent.  If your followers cannot figure out who you are, they're very quickly going to lose interest in trying to find out.

Define your Audience

I get it - you want to appeal to the masses to maximize your following.  Realistically, that's not how it works.  If you don't define who your consumer is, you won't appeal to anyone.  Define what your brand is, define who that brand best relates to, and target your voice to that audience.  For example, my peers (millennials) are who spend the most time engaging with my content.  That includes young professionals and those in their early 30's.  I know that's where my strength lies and that's who I write to.  

Set a Goal

Every single thing you do in life should have a goal.  A very clearly laid out goal.  Stop saying "I want to be famous."  Having "millions of followers" is not a targeted goal.  Create a series of goals based on where you are in the building process and up your goal every time you reach success. I'd like to write a book one day.  To do that, I'd like to create a fan base - a group of people who consistently engage with my content.  In my mind, that looks like a minimum of 10,000 blog subscribers.  Everything I do for my website - I keep these goals in mind.  Of course there are many more layers to my goals, but a girl can't share her master plan with everyone.

Follow Through

I know far too many people who always want to do something.  They're going to start a fashion line, become a photographer, start a consulting firm.  But 98% of those people don't do any of those things.  They're not even mediocre at their day jobs and if you're barely keeping your main hustle, your side hustle doesn't stand a chance.  Treat your side hustle (your dreams) like a real job - because it is.  Dedicate time, hold yourself accountable to that time, and remain organized.  Sure, you could leak a sex tape and maybe be a Kardashian one day - but for 99.9% of us, that's not happening.  You're not getting discovered.  Nobody is waiting to give you a deal.  Everyone is talented, and everyone has an idea.  Not everyone is willing to put the time and effort in.

As short a list as that seems, that's a lot to do.  It's a lot of time, discipline, and making the choice to give up some fun for some good ole fashioned work.  Sure, some people get lucky.  But luck only gets you so far.  Even if you're the 1% who breaks in, I can promise you that without a plan, a brand, and a goal - you'll be just as quickly back to being a nobody before your next IG post.

Professionally Social

I've met a lot of people lately who are either not on or do not utilize LinkedIn.  They don't see the value of another form of social media or they're not sure how to be socially active professionally.  I can confidently say that LinkedIn, when used correctly, is a huge resource for networking and seeking out business opportunities you might not have otherwise found.

Let's start with the basics:

LinkedIn is NOT Facebook

While LinkedIn is in fact another form of social media, it's intended for professional use.  Treat it as such  or you risk losing respect as a professional in the world of business.  Keep your profile picture appropriate.  Limit your posts to content that has to do with work.  Skip the emojis and selfies.  If you don't want your boss or the owner of your company seeing it, don't post it.  

Don't Add Contacts Just to Add Contacts

If you don't know someone or have not done business with them, do not click add.  Should you want to connect with someone because you think they would help you grow your network in a positive way, take the time to write a note about your intentions.  Who cares if you have 5,000 connections if they're not meaningful engagements.   

LinkedIn is NOT a Dating Site

It's entirely inappropriate to utilize LinkedIn as a dating service.  Do not hit on people.  Do not send unprofessional correspondence.  I respect people and their companies less if they choose to engage with me in any way that does not respect the boundaries of a professional interaction.  I've gone so far as to report someone to their company for sexual messaging.  Leave the romance to Bumble and don't risk making yourself or your company look bad.

Be Socially Active

Take the time to keep your profile up to date.  Spend time building your profile to represent who you are as a professional.  LinkedIn is an online resume, take it as seriously as you would the resume you send to companies you're applying to.  Additionally, engage in meaningful conversation, post content relevant to your industry, and build your brand through showcasing your work.  I check LinkedIn daily and try to post a few times a week.  It's allowed me to connect with people in my industry and gain feedback into my work.

Network Network Network

LinkedIn is for networking.  Never forget that it's an opportunity to engage with other professionals in a positive way.  Put yourself out there and connect with people who can help you grow.  Also be willing to provide growth for those around you.  And never forget to be authentic in how you build relationships or you won't find much success in networking overall.  

I've made some incredible connections on LinkedIn and even been offered legitimate roles.  It's an incredibly underutilized tool that can help you grow your career and build a strong personal brand.  And in a world where it's all about who you know, why wouldn't you want to give yourself every advantage possible?

Unplugged

If you're reading this, I'm in Belize!  And I'm spending my time with two of my closest girlfriends adventuring, exploring, and NOT with my electronics.  Save for the brief update, I'm spending much less time than normal on my technologies!

I KNOW!  I'm unplugged!  ME!  But I told you, this is the year of less talk and more DO.  So I'm putting my words into action and I'm taking the trips and spending the time with people I love. 

In an effort to keep this short and sweet - and focus on my relaxation - I'll leave you with this - UNPLUG!

While I'm not big on weeks or months without electronics - I do condone simplifying and unplugging whenever possible.  Maybe you don't need Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr...the list goes on.  Pick one or two.  And ditch the rest!  If you're out with friends, put your phone DOWN.  Be in the moment, soak in the feeling and engage in what's happening.

Technology is amazing - but real life is 1 billion times better.  Real life creates feelings, memories, and if you pay attention - they'll give you more than any Facebook post ever could.

Cheers Sequins!

#SpakleOn

Socially Active

Between Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, snapchat, and about 1,000 other social media venues, people are more connected than they've ever been before.  And at the same time, they're less connected than they'll ever be.  Kids are being raised to be more social media savy than I will ever be and yet they're more socially awkward than one thought possible.  While I'm all for technology and the connections social media can create, I miss phone calls, handwritten cards, face to face interactions, and times when it wasn't possible to get ahold of someone.  We are creating intelligent and advanced individuals - who can't even carry on a conversation with another human being without getting uncomfortable or holding an iPhone in their hand.  

I'm just as guilty of being too tech reliant as the next person, I've had a cell phone since I was 10 and currently own a laptop that turns into a tablet as well as an ipad.  But I've also been taught the power of being able to sit down and connect with someone face to face.  I've been taught to smile at strangers, say hello to people I make eye contact with, and to take a real interest in what people are saying to me, without my cell phone at my fingertips. And you know what people think about that?  They think I'm weird.  I get told it's odd how "friendly" I am.  And that really puts things in perspective in my eyes.  We've gotten to a place where it's ok to send nudes, but you can't wave at someone you walk by on the streets?  Should I tweet my twat out instead of having a conversation with my friend about life?  Is that more customary?  Because it's sure as hell more common.  

I've worked with kids a lot in my career, kids ages 18-23.  It constantly surprises me to work with these students (not all are this way of course) who can literally do anything on the computer, cell phone, iPad, you name it, but when I ask them to make a phone call or interact with a client, they're at a loss for words. They're straight A students, part of this club or President of that society, but they absolutely struggle when it comes to being able to sit down, relate to and spark up a conversation with a stranger.  And that scares me.   It scares me to be looking towards a future where everyone relies on technology instead of face to face interactions.  Do you know how many misunderstandings happen a day over social media?  And about 99% of those would never happen if people just talked to each other.  

I love my Iphone, my iPad, my laptop, and my social media circles, but my point is, I value my skills with conversation more.  I value talking to my Mom every morning before work, and the post cards my Grandma sends me to check in.  I love the Sundays I spend sitting on my ass watching football with my friends and yelling at the tv.  And I live for the family BBQ's spent playing dominos and laughing with each other.  I hope that one day when I have kids, I'm able to teach them to be both tech savy and people savy.  I want them to be able to have the confidence to speak to anyone they may meet without being incredibly awkward and yet still know how to enjoy whatever social media may be the latest when they're out there in the world.  I want there to be requirements for jobs where people have to be socially intelligent as well as social media savy.  I want to exist in a place where folks take the time to say hello and SMILE instead of looking at their phones all the time.  And I want that to be the norm.  See it as a challenge, get out there, and be a better person, be someone who is weird for being friendly.  And enjoy the stories of strangers.  They're better and more real than anything you'll ever read on the internet.  Most importantly, take the time to get to know the most important people in your life, because while you're texting, tweeting, and FB messaging them, you're missing out on time you could be spending WITH them.  And in the end, it's not about how make likes you got, who thinks you look hot on Instagram, or who is following you on Twitter, when you're at the very end of it all, it's those people who will be by your side.