Panicked

It is obviously a very strange and stressful time in our world right now. Everywhere we turn there is more scary news about the Coronavirus. And that’s causing a panic.

We should absolutely be taking this very seriously. It is a very serious virus and has proven to shut down entire nations. But there is absolutely no reason to panic.

I obviously life with anxiety. And I’m scared too because I have a compromised immune system.

I am also a realist. And I care about myself and others. So I am choosing not to panic. I am also choosing to self quarantine. You should be doing these things as well.

If you have anxiety, this is a challenge. So let’s talk about to make it easier.

Limit Exposure

I mean this literally by social distancing but I also mean in the form of a digital detox. Stay informed with reputable and real sources (aka stop listening to the White House), but limit the amount of negative information you are exposing yourself to. Log off social media where a lot of the information available is wrong. Turn the channel if you’ve already spent time updating yourself for the day. The more you take in the content that is negative, the more you will panic. Turn it off, turn off the thing that is exacerbating your anxiety.

Stay Occupied

Distractions are everything. Been meaning to clean out your closet and donate old clothes? Is that book your friend recommended gathering dust on your bedside table? Still have that Pilates class waiting in your DVR? Do those things. Choose positive distractions during this time. Do all the things we all put off in our regular busy lives. And if it doesn’t bring you joy, don’t do it.

Create a Safe Space

You’re going to be spending a lot of time at home. Put in the work to make it a safe and comfortable space for you. Prepare with the supplies you need (prepare, NOT panic), make a cozy space, clean and organize. Do everything you need to do in order to feel joy and calm in your space. The more you feel “at home” the easier it is to actually spend well, all of your time there.

Invest in the right kind of social

No, not social media. We are social beings, we need that connection. FaceTime your family and friends. Text with them. Send cards, emails, tag the memes! Continue to remain connected in a healthy low risk way to the people that are important to you. Even the most introverted person in the world is not going to survive with no human contact.

Keep moving

My fitness game the last week has been on point. Get outside. Go for a walk (if you’re in a suburban or rural area, city kids sorry - keep your workouts at home), sit outside, get a workout class in (virtually). Mental health is connected to physical health. Don’t sit too long. Don’t sleep all day. Get moving.

Eat healthy

Again, health body, healthy mind. You can still order groceries online. Cool healthy meals. Eat healthy snacks. You’ve got time to show your Pinterest board the recipes you’ve been saving are actually going to be out to use. Sure, indulge, but eat as healthy as you can.

I know, things seem bleak right now. Things are hard. They’re straight up not fun. And for a lot of people, they are terrifying. Show up for yourself and others by doing the right thing. Stay home. Be kind. Help others where you can. We will get through this, but we have to do it together.

Style Me Pretty

I am 99.9% certain Style Me Pretty is a brand or an influencer or something in the fashion world I am not educated on. Truth is, I am no fashionista. But I am into looking and feeling good. Even as a more casual classic styled woman, I like to get dressed up, I love a good sparkle or pop of color, and I live for a good shoe.

By no means is this a blog about fashion. I hardly qualify in that regard and quite frankly, I’m not interested in it. However, I am now in my 30’s, making good money, and interested in investing in pieces that last and that fit me correctly.

Gone are the days of Forever 21 (LOL but really its bankrupt) and hello are the days of a classic Madewell T. In a nutshell, I like to be comfortable. My style is very classic with random moments of a funky color/sequin/tutu but affordable and whatever makes me look and feel my best.

I am not a brand girl. You won’t catch me spending thousands on a bag or hundreds on a pair of jeans. I want quality but I need it at an affordable price. And rarely do I ever buy anything that’s not on sale. The hunt for a bargain is a thrill that is difficult to replace.

So where am I shopping right now?

Thrift Stores

Still in the thrift store game. Pick cities in an affluent zip code or nearby one. Dedicate yourself to spending time hunting down the good pieces. I have a $10 silk, fully lined, fully body hugging gown that I have worn for two black tie events. It cost more to dry clean the dress than actually purchase it. The point is, find pieces that can be staples or even a funky beaded sweater that’s in good shape or can be easily dry cleaned back to life. If it doesn’t fit quite right, BUY IT - paying to tailor these pieces can often give you an incredible wardrobe staple for under $50.

TJ Maxx

Do not sleep on TJ Maxx and stay out of the juniors section. TJ Maxx carries a lot of surprisingly high end names if you’re willing to look. I’ve purchased Stuart Weitzman, Betsey Johnson (love a good funky Betsey piece), and even Rebecca Minkoff here. And for 1/3 of the price of what you’d pay at Nordstrom. Again, it’s not promised you’ll find a gem every time, but find a wealthier area and hit up their TJ Maxx.

Amazon

Wild right? I’m telling you some of my best shoe finds have been on Amazon. Lucky brand open toe booties for $15, Cole Haan for $30, I even found some gorgeous Steve Madden flats for $12. The trick is to find styles you like and add them to your cart in your size. Then continue to check your list every other day, weekly, whatever works for you and follow the price. Some items I love never lower enough for me to buy, but a lot of the time I’m able to snag shoes for practically free. I haven’t bought a ton of clothes on Amazon yet, but If you follow Colette Prime, she’s got all the info you need for buying the best clothes. Plus, she’s a body positive, woman positive, everything positive world traveling phenomenal human.

Where are you shopping as you get older? We all have the go to Nordstrom Rack but where else should I be looking for my next deal?

Anxious Activities

I like plans. I love lists. I like having active checklists and resources to rely on. I’ve been working hard lately to create go to things for me to do to help calm my anxiety. I wanted to share them because I know a lot of people out there who are anxious and struggle with how to cope!

Be Grateful

I bought a really cute notebook and a fun set of pens and every night before bed I write down three things I’m grateful for. Sometimes it’s super deep, and sometimes it’s simply that I am grateful for glitter. But it helps relax me before bed and get my mind in a happy place; which in turn helps me sleep.

Coloring

My mom bought me a weenie dog coloring book and some colored pencils and it sounds ridiculous but focusing on coloring helps distract me from whatever makes me anxious. It also keeps me off the socials when I’m sitting in front of the tv. I’m even thinking of taking it to work for a brief color break as needed.

Thank You

I bought a 48 pack of floral blank cards and once a week I write a thank you note to someone. It can be someone at work, a friend, anyone. But again, it takes me back to a thankful place and helps remind me how much I have to be thankful for. It calms my anxious thoughts and worries when I remind myself to be grateful.

Snuggle

Sometimes I pickup my dog and make him snuggle. It sounds weird but a quick 5 minute snuggle sesh makes my heart happy. Dogs love us so much and it’s hard to feel anything but love when you’ve got arms full of puppies!

What are you doing to stay calm and distract your anxious thoughts?

Ignorance is bliss

I spoke about this in an earlier blog but I wanted to elaborate. I have said and thought a lot of ignorant things in my life. And I feel a lot of shame for ever thinking those things or speaking them into existence. Now on the level of ignorance, I’ve still always been pretty aware. But it’s important to acknowledge that I’ve said and thought things that are wrong and socially or politically unaware.

Why is this worth two blog posts? Because right now society exists in a place of us vs them. We are in constant competition to say what is right and what is wrong and who can be the most woke. There is so much shame around anyone who has ever thought something that is ignorant that I think many people live in fear of speaking up. That is not how we create a better world moving forward.

America is fucked up right now. Truly, I’m not sure how to sugarcoat that or say it in a better way. We rip children from their families. We are killing innocent black men at an alarming rate. Women’s rights are being stripped every single day. Hate is everywhere. And our President is the biggest proponent of this.

I’m all for standing up and saying what you believe is wrong. If you believe in hate, racism, sexism - general bigotry - you need to be called out on that. It is not ok to push these agendas.

Here’s where I disagree with some liberal agendas - shaming people for what they believe. In order to affect change, we have got to say you’re wrong and this is why. And we have to listen. Really sit down and listen and have open nonjudgmental conversations with people.

I am able to be more open and aware because I had people who allowed me safe spaces for questions. I openly spoke my ignorance into those safe spaces and instead of being shamed, I was given patience and guidance to a new perspective. Because those people shared their stories in such a comforting environment, I was able to form new opinions on my own based on hearing other experiences.

Politics and social issues are not a competition between two teams to be won and lost. Everyone continues to lose if we continue to operate the way we are. It’s not a game. Human lives have been lost. More lives are at risk. We need to do everything we can to encourage change as best we can through open and safe environments. The more we create a culture of fear, the longer we will live in this state of ugly. And I am so sick and heartbroken by the ugly I see around me.

I have believed ignorant things. I will probably believe more ignorant things again. I am not a bad person. I’m a better person because I’m willing to learn and grow and become a better member of society through safe spaces.

It’s also really important to me to be a safe space for anyone who needs one. If you have questions/comments or need someone to talk with, please know that I am here for you. If you’re open to growth and being more aware and empathetic, I’m here to help you however I can on that journey.

Educated

A lot of the problems that we face in society are due to a lack of education. Most people that carry around close minded, often bigoted viewpoints, do so because they are not educated. Schooling in America is broken. Teachers lack vital resources. Often times we can't even get kids to show up. And for whatever reason even in the classroom, we aren't teaching life skills necessary to coexisting.

We also have college educated adults who don't know a damn thing about life in the real world. I firmly believe that it doesn't matter where you are in life, you should always be learning. And not necessarily textbook learning. We are stuck politically and socially because people know nothing about other people and other situations.

If you're not spending time each day learning, you're failing.

I get it, everyone is busy. But we each have a responsibility to be better citizens. And time is no excuse for not learning.

Podcasts

Everyone has a commute, time at the gym, time at your desk, etc. Commit time each day to listen to a podcast wherever you can fit that in. There are so many options when it comes to content, there's no excuse not to find something you will enjoy. Between crime, politics, pop culture, history, honestly the list is endless.

Recommended: Ear Hustle, What You Missed in History Class, Pod Save America, Left Right and Center, Ted Radio Hour, Stuff You Should Know, 50 Things that Made the Modern Economy

Books

Weird, books still exist? YES. And they exist in many forms. I still go to the library where they're free but you can buy them anywhere and read them in digital form if you must. Additionally, you can even listen to books on audio so you can enjoy them as you would a podcast! Mix up your genres. It's cool to learn politics and social issues but reread some of the books you read as a kid because they actually make sense now.

Recommended: The Tipping Point (Malcolm Gladwell), American Government 101 (Kathleen Sears), What you should know about politics but don't (Jessamyn Conrad), Redeployment (Phil Klay), 1984 (George Orwell), The Hate U Give (Angie Thomas), Nickel & Dimed: On (NOT) getting by in America (Barbara Ehrenreich), To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee), We Should All Be Feminists (Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie).

Talk

Spend time talking to people who are nothing like you. Have a friend who's deeply religious and you are not? Sit down and ask them questions. Are you a white woman? Speak with someone who is black or Asian or Latina about their everyday experiences. Find someone who is comfortable having an awkward conversation in a safe space. The more you ask the questions we all have but don't often know how to ask, the more you learn about what its like to be someone who is not you.

Recommended: Meet with people who have different political, racial, socioeconomic, gender, sexual preferences, etc. Come prepared with questions and really listen. Don't come in ready to challenge their way of thinking. Come in ready to take in everything they have to say and really think about that based on how they grew up and how they experience life. Then, meet again and discuss your differences and follow up questions you may have. Educated discussion is always a good idea.

Take a Class/Attend a Lecture

There are so many University classes online and in person as well as free lectures you can sit in on. Universities are breeding grounds for learning. I think now more than ever students are looking for information to become more informed. I'd say most public universities are more liberal while private (unless they're arts based) can tend to be conservative. Topics are diverse and bonus is that you'll be sitting with people from various backgrounds who provide different viewpoints on the discussion. Check out colleges in your area and look to see what they're offering.

You'll notice I didn't put the news on here. I get it, the news is a great resource for what's going on in the world. For me, it's hard to find a lot of unbiased news. Certainly be informed and aware. Personally, I prefer to be on Twitter, to add google alerts, and then read news reports with a grain of salt. We all know not to watch Fox News because that's not actually journalism. Stay up to date on news as far as it provides you what's happening. But do your best to research those announcements so that you're able to form educated and informed opinions on them.

What else do you do to encourage learning? Where are you expanding your knowledge? There's not really a wrong way to learn as long as you do so with an open mind and as often as possible.

Pop the Bubble

I've moved a lot. I spent 26 years in California and then I left and never stopped moving.

A lot of people question me for it. They ask what I'm running from. They call me flighty. They assume I have no plan. And what that tells me is that they're unsure of who they are.

I'm not running from anything. I've never been flighty about anything in my life. And everything I've ever done stems from an elaborate plan.

What happened was I became brave enough to pop the bubble.

I took a risk, I left everything I ever knew, and I moved to a place where I didn't know a soul.

And it was the single best thing I could have ever done for myself.

Having the courage to completely leave the bubble I was raised in was the scariest thing I have ever done. And at the same time, it's been the most defining moment of my life.

It's given me confidence in who I am and who I can be. I know that no matter what happens, I can do anything. I can pick myself up after any failure and I can achieve all the dreams I set for myself.

That's why I keep moving.

I refuse to get too comfortable. I refuse to stop growing. I refuse to settle for anything less than everything.

If a job, relationship, city doesn't feel right, I leave. Because I can.

Nothing is permanent. No situation is forever. You have the opportunity to change at any given moment if you have the courage and commitment to do so.

I know that if I'm going through a hard time, if I don't like the job I've accepted, the state I've moved to, it's all fixable. Certainly I advise giving all of that time and get to the root of the issue before making any major decisions, but don't let the negativity consume you. Have confidence that you can make a comeback, there are always options.

My only regret is that I waited 26 years to start the adventure. Because that's what it's been, the biggest best adventure of my life. It's the road to learning who I am and what I'm made of. It's getting the opportunity to work at my dream job. And then it's being completely broken when it was the worst job I ever had. It's the the city I never thought I'd love again but fell for in a whole new way. And it's being broken again when circumstances beyond my control forced me to leave that city and spend 6 whole months finding my next adventure. It's all of those and the ones after and the ones yet to come.

The day I dropped my parents off at the airport in Denver and was truly on my own for the first time, I cried. And I don't cry. My best girls actually refer to a bar in Santa Monica as the first time I ever cried because in the 10 years they've known me, that's the only time they've seen me cry. But I cried like a tiny baby the entire hour drive back to my new home. I had never been so far from my support system. I didn't have any friends. I didn't even know where to buy groceries.

I look back on those two years and laugh. The things I didn't know how to do. The fears I had. Look at me now. I'm a professional at moving. An expert at creating a full life in whatever city I land in. I don't even think twice about picking up and driving to a new home halfway across the country. In fact, I thrive on it.

I am fueled by the opportunities to live a life I don't even know about yet. It's exciting to think of the potential out there. I don't fear failure anymore. I fear complacency. I fear not being able to get the most out of my journey. I am so confident in my ability to succeed that I am crazy enough to think that all my dreams can come true.

Stop complaining. Stop wishing for more. Stop being afraid. Pop the freaking bubble. And watch all your limits cease to exist.