Independent(ish)

I grew up in a suburban upper middle class community. I’ve always been a bit sheltered when it comes to life skills. I’ve been lucky enough that my entire life my parents have empowered me but also have taken care of things from being there for medical appointments to managing all my car needs. So for more of my life I’ve been comfortable in that space. I can call them for questions from broken microwaves to how to get my oil changed.

As I’ve grown up, I’ve found that it’s really important not to rely on others for those things. I’ll admit I took a bit longer to do so but I’m at a point where I truly have the confidence in knowing I can do anything and rely on myself in any situation. And that feels amazing.

I get it - what a privilege to have been able to be cared for in such a way. I agree. I appreciate it. I appreciate how independent I am even more.

I just got back from a few weeks in Europe. When we travel, I am the one you can count on to step up and take charge. I do need to sit back at times and allow others to step up, but I am extremely proud of the fact that in a foreign country, I got me.

I’m able to navigate where I’m at, where to go, how to manage a language barrier, what to pay, how to order - I have full confidence that you want me in your corner for surviving abroad.

Yet - I still get anxiety for things like buying a car, understanding health insurance - the adulting part of life.

Here’s the thing, I used to think I had to be able to do all the things to be an adult. To prove I can do it all. Reality? I do have a support system and people I can rely on to help get me through the things I don’t know a whole lot about.

That’s ok.

Who says we have to know it all and do it all to be considered an adult? Why is it shameful to say help me out? It shouldn’t be.

I’m sort of independent(ish) in that yea, I can survive and I can figure anything out if I have to, but it’s 2019, I have people to help me, and I’m going to let them. That’s not being a princess, that’s being smart.

Cut yourself a break if you’re like me and you can manage the big things but need extra help with the little things. You be that independent(ish) babe and own what you know and be smart enough to ask for help when you don’t.

Who said having it all means you have to do it all yourself?

America the Remix

Ok - so all sane people can agree the America is a hot mess right now. Like I’m here to celebrate the 4th because America is the greatest nation i the world, but she’s certainly not acting like it.

So while I’m here to say Happy Independence Day, I’m also here to say, let’s be better. That whole “this isn’t what America was founded on” kills me. America was founded to protect white male slave owners. So can we please stop romanticizing our foundation and instead say, if we want America to be this amazing place we dream of, we’ve got work to do.

Where do we start?

Get Honest

Start by being honest with yourself and the people around you. Step one is always admitting there’s a problem. Whether that be acknowledging your own privilege or helping others to see theirs, we have got to admit the issues in front of us. Racism, sexism, sexual assault, the opiod crisis - we’ve got a lot to cover. Also understand that admitting we have these problems is a positive. Nobody (and no nation) is perfect, stop getting defensive and start getting real.

Stay Strong

You’ve got to hold yourself and others accountable. It’s often uncomfortable but it’s really important to keep yourself and those around you in check. Call out your friends, family, and lawmakers when they’re not working towards making America better. We have to speak up and that is not easy. People are going to say you’re too political or you’re too involved or a million other things, but it’s important. Don’t be shamed into complacency.

Stay Informed

I am constantly doing research so that I am informed and aware of the happenings in the world socially and politically. I do the hard work to make sure my opinions are based on carefully gathered knowledge and not headlines or twitter clicks. Do your part and get informed so that the opinions you’re putting out there are based on true information, not fake news.

Get Involved

Loo,, we are all busy. But we also all complain about the state of things. And it’s not going to change until we all get involved. Forget your whole “I’m only one person” BS, that’s just not a good excuse for anything. One person can affect change, just look at the 2018 midterms. A whole lot of everyday Americans got involved and helped us to make changes for the better. It can be small but however you get involved, just do so.

I am a proud American, and that’s why I expect us to be better. That’s why I am so passionate about involvement and awareness and improving on where we started from. I don’t think we have to settle, and I'm refusing to allow us to do so.

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T

We are going to do Independence day a little differently this year.  I'm all in for celebrating America, but this time, I'm celebrating the independence of the United States of ME.

It's been a year (or like 200 years) of trying to figure out how to be this badass human on my own.  To stand as me, for me, and to not apologize for that.

So this 4th of July, I'm going to celebrate all of the things that make me an independent human being. Big or small - we gonna celebrate them all!  And in keeping with my no apologies sentiment of late, I'm not going to provide an explanation for these reasons I'm celebrating. It doesn't matter, all that matters is that I value them.

I pay my own bills

I've moved to three states where I haven't known a soul

I got the dream job

I left the dream job

I broke up with the person who was wrong for me

I walked away from the amazing job offer that couldn't pay me my value

I expressed my feelings to a friend who wasn't making me feel appreciated

I committed to the hard cutoff 

I said I miss you

I traveled to Europe for two weeks

I have kept up my blog for almost two years

I learned how to schedule self care and stick with it

I got a side hustle, and made it successful

I paid off debt

I found a fitness routine that I'm in love with

I stood up against injustice 

I got educated and took steps towards preventing familial cancer

I've done a lot.  And taken a lot of steps that I'm very proud of.  I've got a lot of goals and steps towards being even more independent, but I'm proud of myself and how far I've come to better myself.

How to be Single

I recently watched the movie How to Be Single.  Yet another something cool that I'm about 10 years late discovering.  It got me thinking - in a world that trains us to constantly keep looking for the one, how do you do single?" 

I've probably gotten too comfortable being single.  I've gone from being the girl who was always in a relationship to the girl who hasn't had a serious relationship in a long time.  But for me, being single has taught me to love myself, rely on myself, and never settle in love or in life.  Taking the time to be single has made me whole on my own and ready to partner with someone who is whole on their own too.

So how do you successfully do single?  How do you be you in this world surrounded by apps and websites and constant questions about who you're dating? 

Stop Looking

You are not who you date or even who you marry.  And being in a relationship should not make you whole.  Stop searching for someone when you could be spending time searching for yourself.  When you're constantly looking for someone to complete you, you become broken.  And you force relationships, you settle.  Take time to really look at who you are and what you want in a relationship and in life.  Explore your strengths as a partner and your weaknesses.  Know what you need in a partner and what you bring to the table.  Stop looking for someone to complete you and complete your damn self.

Stop Waiting

You don't need a significant other to get out there and live life.  Travel.  Go to the movies.  Eat at the new restaurant.  Run a marathon.  Don't ever wait for life to happen, make it happen.  Whatever you've always wanted to do with "someone special", BE THAT SOMEONE.  The more I've gone out in the world and lived life on my own, the more powerful I have learned to feel.  I don't wait for a man to find me, I'm too busy finding myself.

Stop Pretending

There are so many magazines, TV shows and opinions around us that show us who we should be.  Certainly we are all guilty of hiding parts of who we really are to fit some of what society tells us is best.  But that's exhausting and its not sustainable.  And its not how we find our person.  It's impossible to have a successful relationship - to sustain the real deal if you're not acting like the real deal.  So stop pretending to be anyone but who you are when you're happiest. 

Stop Qualifying

When people ask you if you're dating anyone and you say no, don't explain.  When someone tells you "don't worry, you'll met someone" smile and move on.  Don't explain being single to anyone.  Don't qualify why you're single.  It's irrelevant, it's silly, and it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the person asking.  You don't owe an explanation to anyone.  Anyone who asks you about who you're dating right off t he bat - instead of how you're doing, how your career is, how your travels have gone - they're probably not someone who understands you're journey anyways.  It's not up to you to explain anything to anyone but yourself.

Stop Comparing

You are uniquely you, and that is your super power.  Stop comparing your body, mind, life, all of it - to anyone else.  At the end of the day, it doesn't mean anything if someone has more money than you, is more attractive, whatever the case may be - it's not a factor on you.  These things are out of your control and they're meaningless without your power.  Don't give them power.  Celebrate the qualities that make you who you are and celebrate the qualities that make others who they are.  Stop comparing and start seeing people for the individuals they are. 

Start Loving You

Be in love with yourself.  Accept yourself.  Get in touch with where you need to grow.  Celebrate the areas you're strongest.  Be really really into yourself and who that is.  Stop brushing off compliments and stop putting yourself down.  Start saying thank you and exuding confidence.  If you don't love yourself, you can't have a successful relationship with anyone else.  Romantic, friends, family, all relationships suffer and break when you are broken.  You don't need to be perfect, but you need to love yourself for all that you are.

Start Surrounding Yourself with Powerful People

I've got a fiercely supportive home team.  They know I'm loud, sassy, and impulsive.  But they appreciate me for all that I am.  And they empower me to be me.  Get you a squad that encourages you but also calls you on your crap.  Make sure that you've got a diverse crew so that you are forced to think about life from different viewpoints.  Talk to your people.  Have real discussions, listen to what people have to say.  And don't let negative people into your bubble.  You are who you surround yourself with.  Quality over quantity every single day.

Start Keeping it Real

Never settle.  Never be afraid to speak up if something doesn't feel right.  In relationships of all kind, at work, everywhere.  Don't be afraid to say this makes me feel bad and I'm going to walk away.  I've been accused many times of being opinionated and brash - and that's probably true, but I think that's because people aren't used to someone standing up for themselves.  Instead of seeing it as an empowered person asking for what they deserve, it's often seen as bitchy or forceful.  Get over it.  It's hard to ask for what you want but its a hell of a lot harder to live a life you've settled for.

Lastly, start embracing single.  It's not a punishment, it's not some scarlet letter.  It's a phase in life that's really freaking awesome if you do it right.  Your relationship status doesn't define you.  And if you let it, that's a really sad way to miss out on your life.  Embrace relationships too if they're healthy.  The whole point - don't let any of the relationship status labels define you.  Define who you are on your own.  And celebrate the hell out of whoever you decide that is.