Love Me Some Me

Recently there is a movement for self love. And that’s a movement I am here for. As someone who spent years unsure of who she was and who still continues to struggle to show myself the love I so freely give others, I deeply appreciate this moment in time.

I love love. I love celebrating Valentine’s Day. I’m here for the engagement announcements, the weddings, the new relationship love - all of it is such a positive time. I’m here for celebrating love. And the love I want to celebrate most of all in life is self love.

For the 300th time, because I’ve certainly written about this before, if you do not love yourself, you will not have a successful relationship with anyone else. You may find a mate, marry them, spend the rest of your life with them - but unless you’re also deeply in love with yourself, that forever love is not at its best.

Self love is a constantly evolving process. I don’t know many people who feel rainbows and unicorns about themselves 100% of the time. I certainly have my off days and I think that’s ok. You can’t be on 100% of the time. But if most of the days you can say I love who I am, that’s a huge win.

For me, the first step in learning to love myself was to get honest with myself. I had to first drop all of the lies I told myself and I had to write down what I don’t love about who I am. For example, when I was in my 20’s and single, I would tell myself I loved that life. The truth? I wasn’t comfortable being single. I pretended to enjoy it but I was not happy without a partner, which is why I was always talking to or dating someone. Now, I’m very comfortable single because I understand that having a good relationship is what counts. Being single doesn’t make me less than like I thought it once did.

Writing down the things I dislike about myself is still to this day a really powerful thing for me. It’s saying out loud the pieces I think are awful. And then it’s understanding WHY I feel that way. Because a lot of those things are actually absurd or they’re things that others love about me. When you write these things out, they’re tangible and you’re forced to dive into perspective. I’m most often able to easily eliminate a few of those by simply working through the feelings behind the insecurity. And the rest, I take to therapy or I work on how I can adjust them to not be a daily hindrance to my self love.

Another example - I’ve been an athlete my entire life. That means a lot of my self worth is directly connected to my body. Having to train sometimes 4-5 hours a day, meant that for most of my life, I had a pretty dang bangin bod. I also am blessed to have great metabolism. But when I stopped being a competitive athlete, hit 30, didn’t always eat as healthy - my body shape changed. I’m not 130 pounds of pure muscle anymore. I’m curvy, sometimes I’d dare say I feel chubby. Body dysmorphia is something I’ve struggled with on and off since I can remember. I have to remind myself often that my body has been through a lot. And it’s given me some of the best moments of my life. And I make myself thankful for those things. I’m extra mindful when I’m not body positive and I do things that make me feel good about myself. I do fitness activities that make me feel confident. I don’t workout to punish myself, I workout because it’s something I love to do. I’ll change my diet to be a little healthier. And I cut myself a break during Holidays or vacations when I indulge more. I am patient with myself.

Something that is also really helpful for me is to write on post its things I love about myself and leave the notes around my home, car, and office where they’ll serve as reminders throughout the day. It’s silly and may not work for you, but I’m easily motivated. When I read these positive reinforcements I think to myself - HELL YEA YOU ARE! If I really need some love, I’ll ask my friends to tell me what they love most about me. Often times our friends love the quirks about us that we may even consider negative. Again, perspective helps.

I hope this Valentine’s Day you’re celebrating lots of love with the people around you that you love. I hope you see this day as a day for everyone, more specifically and most importantly - for YOU. Celebrate your love with those most important to you, but celebrate the most important relationship (the one with yourself) FIRST.

Happy hearts and love day sequins!

2018 Love.

Ah yes - the generation of the swipe.  In 2018, true love is found behind our cell phones, in our sweat pants, judging people based on looks and witty profile opening lines.  What a time to be alive.

While I'm thankful dating in our generation is not what it was in the 1950's or really even the 1990's - I often long for the traditions of love's past.  

It's Valentine's Day, a time Hallmark has designated to spend our money on diamonds, chocolates, fancy dinners and awkwardly flimsy lingerie.  I'll be honest, I like V-Day.  I don't really care if you want to call it single's awareness day, propose to your significant other, or choose to boycott it's corporate significance.  I'm into the shiny things and I like to celebrate love.  

I'm 32, a lot of my friends are married, in serious relationships, or worried about finding the one.  And it's got me reflecting on dating in 2018 and how much it kind of sucks.  

I'm not blaming men, I'm not blaming women - I'm not generally a fan of blaming anyone unless we can accompany that with some solutions.  But generationally, because we rely so much on technology, we have become to rely on that same technology for human relationships.

The thing is - technology does not account for human feelings, interactions, or flaws.  You can fill out a profile, swipe right - do all the things technology swears by in order to provide you your soulmate but at the end of the day, it can still fail.

There's no science to love.  No magic formula.  And in a world where we put so much effort into the technology of dating, I think we are missing out on organic love.  Because we can so easily find the next best mate, our choice to give up on what's in front of us becomes the go to move.

Relationships are not easy.  There is no perfect partner.  I'm not saying put up with abuse, in fact, never put up with any form of abuse, ever.  But there's something to be said for understanding that love ain't easy.  You will not always be happy in your relationship.  You will not always like your partner.  But you should understand the compromise that needs to happen, the effort that maintaining a lifetime takes, and be committed to your mate because despite those real life problems, that's your chosen lover.  

Every day, you have to choose each other.  The love I admire the most in life are the people who go through all the things life throws at them and every day they wake up and they say I choose you because we are a team and I don't want to swipe right on someone else just because we've had a few bumps in the road.  

In 2018 dating is hard.  I don't really know anyone who meets anyone organically anymore.  I think it takes more work to find a mate in 2018.  An actual commitment to finding someone you can stand for a long period of time.  Whether I like it or not, I'm probably going to have to succumb and stick with this online dating business to find some viable options.  

Dating in 2018 is weird.  Its the guy who asks you when you'll have sex with a new partner within the first 20 minutes of the first date.  It's the guy who doesn't believe women should work.  It's the guy who takes you on a bar crawl and does shots for your initial meeting.  But it's also reconnecting with acquaintances you look at differently.  It's men who take you on a hunt to find the best mac n cheese in Texas.  It's the guy you meet at a friend's party who nervously asks if you'd like to go to dinner.  

We can blame dating today on technology, and we aren't wrong.  But does that mean love isn't out there?  It doesn't.  It means dating is a little different, a little more work - but it's still worth it if for your life means finding a teammate to do all the bumps in the road with.  So love in 2018, it's kind of a nightmare, but so am I sometimes, and at the end of the day, I'm also one hell of a catch.

Valentine's Day

Traditionally, Valentine's Day is amazing for people in relationships and National Singles Awareness Day to others.  Whether I'm dating someone or not - I LOVE VALENTINES DAY!

Certainly it's a Hallmark holiday.  And in reality its not to be taken very seriously.  But a day dedicated to love, shiny things and chocolate is a day I'm happy to celebrate!  I also highly value February 15th when all candy is 50% off. 

Whatever your relationship status - I'd like to change your perspective on the day of love and challenge you to think about it in a new way.  It should be fun and it should be exactly what it stands for - a day to celebrate love.

 I want you to think of valentine's day as a day to celebrate all relationships.  Romantic, family, friends, anyone you value in your life (I highly value the guy who delivers my Amazon Prime shipments, he gets a valentine!).  And I want you to include your relationship with yourself in that day.  Choose to celebrate love for all of those people. 

Now Valentine's Day is after all at its most basic - a Hallmark Holiday meant to encourage spending.  Instead of elaborate gifts, choose to create gifts from the heart.  Think back to when you were a kid and the fun cards you gave to everyone and little conversational hearts you handed out to classmates.  Make Valentine's Day about true care again.  Write a card, handout the old school candy hearts,  frame your favorite photo, cook for your special people.  Whatever you do - don't make it about stuff.  Make it about the heart.

So no matter what your romantic situation - don't let that define what a day of love means to you.  It's absolutely ridiculous to let a day define your value to yourself and others.  If all else fails - be your own Valentine.  Treat your damn self if you should so choose.  Just remember to be thankful for the love in your life, because that's what every day should be about.  Not the things, the love and the people who light up your world. 

And if you are in a romantic relationship - don't let the day become about gifts and grand gestures.  Celebrate each other and the life you're building together.

At the end of the day - Valentine's Day is pretty freaking awesome.  A little extra love and cheesy positivity never hurt nobody!