Perfection

Growing up my safe space has always been to aim for perfection. When I fall short of that, I dwell in a really negative space. If I make a mistake at work, I say something unkind — I am not able to let that go.

Perfection is not attainable. It is not real. It’s not even really cool.

Yet at 34, I still cannot run far from that need to be perfect.

Growing up an athlete, it is ingrained in you to be the best at everything. And if you’re not the best, you work harder until you are. I have carried that throughout my adult life. It’s exhausting.

I spend a lot of time in therapy learning to cut myself a break. Because in reality, I’m not perfect and I never will be.

Something I have started is spending time talking positively to myself, about myself. I’m supposed to work to make at least 50% of the thoughts in my head positive. That sounds easy but I’d say 90% of my thoughts are not kind.

Every time I speak negatively in my head to myself, I am challenging myself to say something positive to counter that mean thought.

Being a perfectionist with anxiety is a bit of a curse, and it truly doesn’t work. Especially given that I often don’t have a filter. Retraining you’re mind to focus on the good, well it just makes the good better. It amplifies the sparkle and makes your whole world shine.

I know I’m not alone. A lot of former athletes (and a lot of humans in general) relate to the need to be perfect. It’s all we know to strive for.

What if we changed the narrative and strived to be great as we are? If we focused on how badass we are? If we let ourselves be flawed and be thankful for that?

I challenge you to spend more time living and less time focusing on how to live perfectly. When you thrive in spaces that are uncomfortable — you might just find some of the most magical moments of your life.

Expert Expertise.

I've never believed in the word expert.

Hear me out.

The word expert - to me - means knowing everything.  Right, I get it you egg heads, according to Merriam Webster, that's not the actual definition.  But for all intensive purposes, when I hear someone calling themselves an expert, my eyes involuntarily roll back so hard I'm convinced they may never come back to front.

I hope I'm never considered an expert in my field.   Call me an authority, a heavily trusted, or extremely knowledgeable member of my field, but don't ever hail me as an expert.

The word expert gives me a feeling of complete.  Of all knowing.  And something I think our generation has lost, is the art of learning.

We are a world of college and advanced degrees (and debt), but we are also a generation of merely doing these things to get the diploma because without them, we can't get jobs.  But I would argue that a large part of the people I see in the world are really aware of how to pass a test, complete an assignment, and finagle their way to a passing grade - but don't ever really learn a whole lot.

I'm constantly yearning to learn more.  When I travel, I do a little historical research on whatever city I'm going to.  I eat local, I talk to locals, I explore local.  I listen to the stories of the people around me and I learn about their lives.  I read every single day - often crime novels - but I learn new words, new tidbits, and I expand my knowledge.  I always ask the stupid questions.  WHY are we doing this?  WHAT if there's a different way?  The point is - I'm always learning.

Kids at school often learn because its what's expected.  But I'm not sure they're really encouraged to take in what they're being taught and apply it to life.  I think a lot of it goes back to the cycle of things.  You go to school, you advance, you go to college, you get a job.  There's never really a ton of opportunity to focus on the learning unless you're in a specialized field (shout out to you medical students, please pay attention to your learning!).  

As adults - we also get set in our ways.  We go to work, we go to the gym, we watch TV - its a cycle. 

When I talk to my friends, not a lot of them actually do research.  They show up and they engage.  I'm always researching.  Before Belize, I did my research.  Before I go to a restaurant, I research.  Before I complete a work assignment, I do research.  I do everything possible to learn and grow my skill set so that I never take for granted that I'm an expert.

For anyone out there aiming to be an expert, aim to be someone who learns instead.  Don't ever get complacent in what you do.  Don't ever assume you know it all in any given subject.  Force yourself to learn so that you become more aware how much you really don't know.  Become a student of life and dedicate yourself to continuous exploration of everything around you.

The less people think of themselves as experts, the more likely they are to be open to the differences around them.  And the more open they are to listening over speaking.  Never become an expert in anything but learning.