Perfection

Growing up my safe space has always been to aim for perfection. When I fall short of that, I dwell in a really negative space. If I make a mistake at work, I say something unkind — I am not able to let that go.

Perfection is not attainable. It is not real. It’s not even really cool.

Yet at 34, I still cannot run far from that need to be perfect.

Growing up an athlete, it is ingrained in you to be the best at everything. And if you’re not the best, you work harder until you are. I have carried that throughout my adult life. It’s exhausting.

I spend a lot of time in therapy learning to cut myself a break. Because in reality, I’m not perfect and I never will be.

Something I have started is spending time talking positively to myself, about myself. I’m supposed to work to make at least 50% of the thoughts in my head positive. That sounds easy but I’d say 90% of my thoughts are not kind.

Every time I speak negatively in my head to myself, I am challenging myself to say something positive to counter that mean thought.

Being a perfectionist with anxiety is a bit of a curse, and it truly doesn’t work. Especially given that I often don’t have a filter. Retraining you’re mind to focus on the good, well it just makes the good better. It amplifies the sparkle and makes your whole world shine.

I know I’m not alone. A lot of former athletes (and a lot of humans in general) relate to the need to be perfect. It’s all we know to strive for.

What if we changed the narrative and strived to be great as we are? If we focused on how badass we are? If we let ourselves be flawed and be thankful for that?

I challenge you to spend more time living and less time focusing on how to live perfectly. When you thrive in spaces that are uncomfortable — you might just find some of the most magical moments of your life.

Investment

Ok, not that kind of investment. Certainly by 30 you should be well on your way to financial security with a diverse portfolio and a 401K, but this blog, it’s not about that. This blog is about investing in your wardrobe.

I am a self proclaimed discount shopper. I won’t pay full price for anything. But I’m also a grown up. And I understand that at my age, I need to be mindful of the pieces I’m purchasing. It’s time to invest in well made staples that I can build a foundation with.

How do you build a wardrobe that lasts and is also mindful of current style trends? Let me tell you, I’m no style expert. I tend to live in leggings more often that not. So you can trust me when I say this blog is for the everyday woman. Who lives for comfort but also wants to look put together.

1. Find your style

   What’s your style? I don’t believe in fitting any one mold or having to stick to a style but I do think its important to understand what your style is so that you’re not forcing yourself into a trend because it’s cool. Invest in figuring out what works for your body type. What accentuates your frame? Don’t spend money on clothes and accessories just because you like them. Figure out what looks and feels good or it’s a complete waste of your time and money.

2. Spend on Staples

   Spend a little more for well made, long lasting, classic pieces. Clothes you should be investing extra money in are jeans, t-shirts, jackets, shoes - pieces you wear often and that you can pair with different accessories to look different. For example, a good pair of jeans can be paired with a million different tops and shoes so repeating isn’t an issue.

3. Save on Trends

   If you’re buying trendy items, go to places like H&M who make them for cheap. That way when they’re out of style or you’re over them, you didn’t spend a huge amount for nothing. If it’s a piece for a big event or special occasion and you’re not going to wear it again, opt for a more inexpensive option of the piece you’re coveting in a magazine.

4. Spend Smart Regardless

   I won’t pay full price for just about anything. If I’m buying an expensive item, I’m looking where I can find the best quality for the best bargain. I own two gorgeous leather bags that I bought in Italy. The same leather that’s used for big names like Chanel and Louis Vuitton. But because I bought it in Italy, without the designer label on it (it’s just classic black good leather), I paid $300 instead of $3,000. You can also get good quality shoes and clothing at places like Nordstrom Rack that are on sale but well made.

This sounds silly, but create a list of staple pieces. The French often do this to build out a minimalist wardrobe with well made pieces. For example, jeans, t-shirts, blazers, riding boots, little black dress, etc. You know the things you need to have last the stand of time, invest in those. Slowly build up a wardrobe that caters to that.

Greater Expectations

As a follow up to expectations I wanted to talk about how to show people what you expect of them. Something I struggle greatly with is showing people how I deserve to be treated. I think this is a multi step system and I’ve been stuck on step one for 33 years.

Everyone talks about treating others as you wish to be treated. I got that part down. Like I’m really good at being a good human. I prioritize people and relationships that are important to me. I go above and beyond to show people I care. I’m your teammate when you need me. I’m sincerely tops at this part of the whole show people how you want to be treated. If this were a review at work, I would test off the scale in this category. Bonuses everywhere.

The place that I fail and should be fired at is when others don’t reciprocate this treatment, I don’t move on. I’m unsure if nobody shared this with me but if you very clearly show people how you wish to be treated and they do not treat you in this manner, you need to take back your energies and utilize them elsewhere. That shit blows my mind.

If I’m being the most best awesome friend, partner, colleague, mentor - WHATEVER - and it’s not being reciprocated, I need to move on. If you’ve shown someone, told someone, given them time to give you the same energy and care you give them, and they still don’t, that’s on you. They have shown you your worth to them and all you are showing them is that they can walk all over you and you will not leave.

Is this something ya’ll knew and nobody slipped me a memo?

I’m telling you, my world has changed. It’s certainly a struggle, but it’s a huge relief to take back my sparkle and use it on relationships with people who have decided I am worth their same energy. I never realized how much of my time and emotions I allowed to be controlled and drained by other people.

I’ve started to pull away the commitment I’ve given to some relationships and expended that energy on myself and those around me who don’t drain me. And it is wildly fulfilling. I’m less moody, I have more time to enjoy good people, and I am confident because I’m not being dragged down by relationships that don’t spark joy. Yea, back to that whole Marie Kondo Hunger Games edition. It works guys, really really works.

When you think about it, it’s simple. Time is energy. When you put a lot of time into relationships that aren’t creating equal value, the energy is really negative. So a lot of time, a lot of negative equals a lot of not feeling awesome. I think scientifically that’s how it’s classified.

Ultimately people prioritize their relationships based on the value they feel that person brings to their world. If you bring a lot of value and joy to someone’s life, they aren’t letting that go. If they let you go, it’s no knock on you, it’s just not the right human connection for you. Wish them well, let them go, and find your joy.

We should have greater expectations of others, but we should also have them of ourselves.