Panicked

It is obviously a very strange and stressful time in our world right now. Everywhere we turn there is more scary news about the Coronavirus. And that’s causing a panic.

We should absolutely be taking this very seriously. It is a very serious virus and has proven to shut down entire nations. But there is absolutely no reason to panic.

I obviously life with anxiety. And I’m scared too because I have a compromised immune system.

I am also a realist. And I care about myself and others. So I am choosing not to panic. I am also choosing to self quarantine. You should be doing these things as well.

If you have anxiety, this is a challenge. So let’s talk about to make it easier.

Limit Exposure

I mean this literally by social distancing but I also mean in the form of a digital detox. Stay informed with reputable and real sources (aka stop listening to the White House), but limit the amount of negative information you are exposing yourself to. Log off social media where a lot of the information available is wrong. Turn the channel if you’ve already spent time updating yourself for the day. The more you take in the content that is negative, the more you will panic. Turn it off, turn off the thing that is exacerbating your anxiety.

Stay Occupied

Distractions are everything. Been meaning to clean out your closet and donate old clothes? Is that book your friend recommended gathering dust on your bedside table? Still have that Pilates class waiting in your DVR? Do those things. Choose positive distractions during this time. Do all the things we all put off in our regular busy lives. And if it doesn’t bring you joy, don’t do it.

Create a Safe Space

You’re going to be spending a lot of time at home. Put in the work to make it a safe and comfortable space for you. Prepare with the supplies you need (prepare, NOT panic), make a cozy space, clean and organize. Do everything you need to do in order to feel joy and calm in your space. The more you feel “at home” the easier it is to actually spend well, all of your time there.

Invest in the right kind of social

No, not social media. We are social beings, we need that connection. FaceTime your family and friends. Text with them. Send cards, emails, tag the memes! Continue to remain connected in a healthy low risk way to the people that are important to you. Even the most introverted person in the world is not going to survive with no human contact.

Keep moving

My fitness game the last week has been on point. Get outside. Go for a walk (if you’re in a suburban or rural area, city kids sorry - keep your workouts at home), sit outside, get a workout class in (virtually). Mental health is connected to physical health. Don’t sit too long. Don’t sleep all day. Get moving.

Eat healthy

Again, health body, healthy mind. You can still order groceries online. Cool healthy meals. Eat healthy snacks. You’ve got time to show your Pinterest board the recipes you’ve been saving are actually going to be out to use. Sure, indulge, but eat as healthy as you can.

I know, things seem bleak right now. Things are hard. They’re straight up not fun. And for a lot of people, they are terrifying. Show up for yourself and others by doing the right thing. Stay home. Be kind. Help others where you can. We will get through this, but we have to do it together.

Perfection

Growing up my safe space has always been to aim for perfection. When I fall short of that, I dwell in a really negative space. If I make a mistake at work, I say something unkind — I am not able to let that go.

Perfection is not attainable. It is not real. It’s not even really cool.

Yet at 34, I still cannot run far from that need to be perfect.

Growing up an athlete, it is ingrained in you to be the best at everything. And if you’re not the best, you work harder until you are. I have carried that throughout my adult life. It’s exhausting.

I spend a lot of time in therapy learning to cut myself a break. Because in reality, I’m not perfect and I never will be.

Something I have started is spending time talking positively to myself, about myself. I’m supposed to work to make at least 50% of the thoughts in my head positive. That sounds easy but I’d say 90% of my thoughts are not kind.

Every time I speak negatively in my head to myself, I am challenging myself to say something positive to counter that mean thought.

Being a perfectionist with anxiety is a bit of a curse, and it truly doesn’t work. Especially given that I often don’t have a filter. Retraining you’re mind to focus on the good, well it just makes the good better. It amplifies the sparkle and makes your whole world shine.

I know I’m not alone. A lot of former athletes (and a lot of humans in general) relate to the need to be perfect. It’s all we know to strive for.

What if we changed the narrative and strived to be great as we are? If we focused on how badass we are? If we let ourselves be flawed and be thankful for that?

I challenge you to spend more time living and less time focusing on how to live perfectly. When you thrive in spaces that are uncomfortable — you might just find some of the most magical moments of your life.

Career Corner: Playing Nice

We all know the worst part about working is often the people. When you’re working in an office you’ve got to interact with so many different types of people in a day and its exhausting. But you’re at work, so you can’t tell Susan in accounting to go fuck herself. You’ve got to play nice.

As kids we were taught basic skills like keep your hands to yourself. Be nice. Really working as an adult is the same thing. You can’t touch anyone and you’ve got to find a way to not be an asshole. It’s just harder as an adult. The days are longer. Carol in sales is so annoying. Jim in marketing? Nobody cares about your frat lifestyle at 35 bro.

I wish this was the blog where I tell you, who cares, be a jerk, tell everyone off, it’s fine! Your career won’t suffer, it’s a big bold move! It’s not. You unfortunately have to play the game. You’ve got to play nice.

Here’s how we are going to get through this together:

1.       Accept it

You have to stop making excuses or justifying any bad behavior. Accept that being an adult in the workplace means playing nice. There’s no way around it. Even if you work from home, you’ve got to put on the nice voice on the phone. Just know the rules and understand there’s no way out.

2.       Treat Everyone with Respect

The basic rule is that everyone deserves respect. Whether you like it or not, you can’t be disrespectful. If someone is being blatantly disrespectful to you, have that conversation with the appropriate parties, but you can’t be an ass because someone else is. There’s a decorum and you’ve got to show respect

3.       Have the Conversation

If someone isn’t being nice to you, talk to them. Or talk to HR. Stop the problem before it starts. Don’t allow it to fester and don’t allow it to create some dramatic situation. Don’t gossip about it. Nip it in the bud. And if it’s truly just ridiculous, let it go. Some people are petty. Wish them well and move on.

4.       Check In

Give yourself a review. I think sometimes we get so caught up in our own work so we forget to check in and see if we are in fact being a nice person to work with. Not everyone has to like you but they shouldn’t feel disrespected by you or that you’re cruel. Always make time to check in with the people around you – especially during stressful times.

5.       Be Realistic

Look sometimes you’re going to snap. Sometimes you’re going to make that rude sarcastic comment. It happens. Be humble. Apologize when you need to. And let it go when its just not that big of a deal. Nobody is perfect. Aim to be kind but with the knowledge that sometimes you’re grumpy.

I’m the queen of the sarcastic dry humor. I like to poke fun at people. 98% of the time I’m sugar and sweet, but that 2% spice, that’s some extra shit that almost negates the 98% that was an angel. So realistically, this piece was probably for me. I get the struggles it takes to be nice sometimes. Especially when people are idiots. However, and this is critical, in the 3 million jobs I’ve had – I have learned that when you are nice, it makes the whole experience a lot better.

And if you’re still rolling your eyes, think of how small the world is. Especially the job industry. Chances are, somebody knows somebody. So, if you’re an asshole, eventually someone somewhere is going to remember that. And they’re going to say something. And it’s going to keep you from getting hired somewhere. I’ve seen it happen so many times. The world is a hell of a lot smaller than you think!

What have we learned today? Play nice. It’s good karma. It’s important for your career. And it’s incredible for your mental health and happiness at the office.