Tidying Up - Hunger Games Style

Ya’ll Marie Kondo is THE pop culture moment. Her book and her show on Netflix have inspired an entire movement. Simplifying clutter has been around for a few years but in late 2018/early 2019 with everything going on, we seem to have become addicted to minimalism and countering consumerism.

I love that life and I’ve been working to consume less, make smarter purchases and overall spend my money on experiences rather than things. Where I’d also like to extend this idea of tidying up is to the people we surround ourselves with.

The idea of what brings you joy very much applies to human relationships as well. We deserve peace, simplicity, and joy in the friendships we build with friends and family.

So let’s get Hunger Games about this idea of tidying up. If a person does not bring you joy, let them go.

I know, there are so many complications with that. From work to friends to family, sometimes you simply cannot remove yourself from a relationship entirely. But there are people who can be bid farewell. Do so. And then minimize your time with people who don’t bring you joy but are a necessity sometimes within your circle of life.

When you do this, watch how much calmer, simpler, and more joyous your life becomes.

When you remove the drama and negativity piece by piece, you are brought peace.

As I get older, I become less bothered by people who serve no purpose for me. On social media, I block people who are nothing but headaches. That’s the beauty of social media, we choose the content we engage with. In real life, when friends or family members bring me great stress, I limit my time with them, phase them out, or directly let them know the relationship is no longer working.

And I commit to it.

That’s what the biggest piece is - staying strong. If you are able to make these choices confidently and truly stick with them - that is where you will find the benefits. If you’re constantly stressing about the outcomes, what others think about you or these choices, you loose the opportunity to enjoy the benefits.

The Art of Never Growing Up

I love glitter.  Sparkles make me smile.  I dress up at work on Halloween.  I went to Disneyland by myself once because my friend didn't want to go.  Finding Nemo is one of my favorite movies of all time.  I am also successful in my career.  I pay my own bills.  I take my vitamins and cook my own meals.  But at heart, I am a child.

And I hope I never grow up.

Life is really hard and really serious.  Between work pressure, paying endless bills, violence, relationships, the state of politics - I honestly don't know how we all don't lose our shit on a daily basis.  

My way of staying sane in a chaotic world is to remember how awesome it was to be a kid.  It's to never be too adult to have a good time.  And it's certainly not to ever become so wrapped up in the idea of being grown up to have fun.

I think there's a really fine line between immature and someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously.  And it takes work to juggle having fun and being able to flip the switch to business Barbie.  But as long as you're handling your responsibilities and exceeding expectations - there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a good time.

I've absolutely been told to grow up on many occasions.  That I'm too old to do this or like that.  That to be taken seriously I need to be serious more often.  I find that extremely ignorant.  I don't trust anyone who doesn't know how to have a little fun and remember that for most of us - we aren't saving lives.

The most creative and innovative people I know recognize the art of play, laughter, and being a kid again.  Without the ability to think outside of the box, relax the suit and tie, or laugh at yourself - you're really wasting happiness.  I also think you're not maximizing your career potential if you're too serious.  If you're not willing to look like an idiot - you're missing out on a lot of the best business opportunities.

Before you tell me to grow up - think about learning to loosen up and high five your inner kid.  I promise you'll gain a lot fuller life if you do. 

Every Day is a reason to CELEBRATE!

We all save things for special occasions.  Outfits, bottles of champagne -  whatever it is - we hold onto it for a celebration.  But why not treat every single day as a day to indulge in the best?

If I've learned anything in the past few years - its that life isn't promised, the good and the bad can change very quickly, and things are in fact - just things.  That being said, I'm still a bit of a hoarder.  I have wine I've been saving for two years, clothes I haven't worn yet because what if I need the perfect outfit for an event, and I often buy things I don't need.  So certainly although I say that the time is NOW to celebrate - I admit I need a little development of my own to practice what I preach.

I get it - the girl who is obsessed with glitter and plans parties is not out here celebrating every moment?  Alas - I am a fraud.  Well, not a fraud really, because I do tend to gift vials of glitter to people purely because every day deserves a little sparkle.  And I do wear tutus to work just because it's a Tuesday and I want to feel like a princess.  But I still save the bubbles and good red wines for special days - and then when the special days come - I claim they're not quite special enough for the good bottle.

But really - the good wine, the cute top, the fancy necklace - they're things.  I value them so much and yet when they're gone or worn - they're barely an after thought.  So what are we waiting for?  I had a really great week of work last week.  That's a reason to celebrate.  I walked for an hour today on an incline without foot pain - that deserves the good bottle of bubbles for sure!  The point is - it's not that hard to find a reason to celebrate. 

Instead of saving things for special occasions - create special occasions with what you've already got.  Stuff is stuff and things are things.  We give them value by how we use them and how we hold them up in our lives.  I'm going to start having the good wine on a Tuesday because I can.  And I'm going to wear the gorgeous shoes on a Thursday because I look good in them.  I'm goin to give Nash the fancy treats more often because he deserves it. 

Life is your special occasion.  Being alive is your reason to celebrate.  Commemorate the day and make memories because you freaking can.  I want to get to the end and remember the 1,000 times I chose to have a sparkly day - instead of the 4 times I celebrated because I wanted to save the cool things.  Throw a party because you woke up today.  And use the good china.  JK - I don't have any good china - but you can bet I've got a lot of good wine.

What Makes You Happy Now?

I read a blog recently about a woman who went through a really hard time in her life.  She was at a standstill.  Her entire world had been shattered and it seemed impossible to go back to her everyday reality.  So she quit her job.  She packed up her life.  And she decided to travel the world.  The plan?  To keep doing what makes her happy RIGHT NOW. 

She decided to stop worrying about the burden of the future and take things one single moment at a time.  To focus on what made her happy in the moment.  And as she continued to do what made her happy, rather than worry about the incredible anxiety that comes with planning out the next forever - she slowly relaxed.  And she was actually happy.

I relate to living a life of planning, of control - of the strategy leading up to the happy ending.  But what I've missed is that there's no happy ending.  Life ends.  The journey is what is meant to be enjoyed.  You can strategize all you want - but none of us are getting out alive.  Is it really worth spending 50-60+ years working for the happy when you could just be happy now?

So here's what we're going to do - because I'm going to need a team to get me out of my head and into my heart - we are going to work on happy now.  We are going to worry just a little bit less about tomorrow and the next day and the 10 years from now.  And we are going to be realistic - because after all - I may be open to impulse - I am not open to becoming an outright hippie.  It's just not who I am.

Step One - Start Small

I've spent 31 years as a control freak.  And although I've been working to change that - it's hard to change a stubborn woman like me.  So wee start small.  If I want to take a nap instead of clean, I'm going to take the nap.  If I want a mini cupcake instead of yogurt for a snack, I'm going to eat the cupcake.  If binge watching a TV show I've missed will make me happy, catch me on the couch.  And if I want to go for a walk in the middle of my workday, I'm going to do that too.  The point - maybe you can't quit your job and travel the world right now - but you can engage in small activities that will boost your mood and elevate your happiness until you can get there.

Step Two - Decide what happy means to you

The more you listen to your heart and what makes it smile - the more you'll start to realize what makes you really happy.  Because now that you're taking a moment to get in touch with your level of happiness - you're making yourself more aware of what really does fill your soul.  Start to write that down.  Rate things based on level of enjoyment.  Become acutely aware of what happy means to you and start channeling your focus in those areas to really maximize instant happy. 

Step Three - Think Bigger

Once you become an expert in your own happiness, find a way to turn the little happiness into big happiness.  Get strategic.  Make everything happy.  Realize that when you're not happy, or doing something that doesn't bring you joy - you can check yourself and engage in a way that makes the moment happier.  Not everything is going to make us happy - but when we are more aware of what does - we are more easily able to get back to happy more quickly.  Additionally, say travel is what makes you happiest - turn those lunchtime walks to weekend trips.  And those weekend trips into week long adventures.  Turn your small moments into big ones.  Instead of buying things - walk on the beach, hike a mountain - you're mixing instant happy with saving money for long term happy. 

Life isn't about planning a happy ending, it's about making every single day happy.  We can't control what happens to us and we cannot control anyone else.  But we can be active participants in our own joy.  We can change our attitude and change our entire life with how we choose to live it.  I've always believed that happiness is a controllable.  It's a choice.  And if its what you value - you'll make it a priority.  Not tomorrow, not for the future, but NOW - and for the rest of your life. 

The Greatest Lesson I've Ever Learned.

At the ripe age of 22, I was working at my alma mater and was supervising a group of interns.  I'm uncertain who felt this was a good idea given that I was very much still a child myself in the business world, but nonetheless here I was, the boss to kids maybe a year younger than me.  Two years max.  Little did I know, that in title I may have been the boss, but the greatest lesson I have ever learned, came from one of those students.

Gen was a free spirit from San Diego.  She had a swagger - rightfully so as she excelled as a point guard on the basketball team.  I never saw her without a smile and could often hear her laugh before she entered the office.  I knew her when I was an athlete at Davis and so hiring her was a no brainer - I know what it takes to be a D1 athlete at a University with high academic expectations and I knew she could do the job. 

Throughout her time as an intern - she made fun a priority.  No matter what I asked of her she made it fun.  She was about getting the job done and enjoying every moment.  I used to get pictures sent from her and her equally as amazing counterpart Paige of whatever shenanigans they had turned the task into.  Whether it be trying on the mascot costume to stacking cases of wine - there was laughter.

The thing about Gen was that whatever she wanted to do, she did it.  A lot of people talk about what they dream of - of making the most out of every minute - but Gen without a doubt personified that life.  She wanted to go to Paris, so she just did it.  She wanted to move across the country for a job, she packed up and left.  Gen lived her life without fear, without worry, without any real plan (so it would seem) but at the end of the day - she succeeded in all that she did because the only plan was to maximize this gift of life.

Gen graduated and I eventually moved on from Davis and started my new life in Colorado.  I remember getting a message from Paige that Gen was sick.  She was 26.  I remember not understanding the extent of her illness.  It didn't hit me that she may die from this.  But the more I was kept up to date - the more I understood how serious it was.  Gen had stage 4 breast cancer, and it was spreading.  We quickly worked with her family and our Davis community to start a fundraiser to help Gen and her family with mounting medical costs.  The only way I know how to react in serious situations is to problem solve.  But regardless of everything we all did, regardless of how hard She fought - Gen passed away less than a month after her initial diagnosis.  I was devastated.  I was shocked.  I was really angry.  

Throughout her entirely brief illness - Gen was happy.  She was positive.  She was laughing and she was having fun.  Her texts were normal and silly.  She was dying - an elite athlete - dying from a disease she had no family history of and no warning.  And she still made the most of every single second she had.  

It will be four years this May since Gen passed.  And every day I think about her.  Her life and her death have affected me immensely.  My entire life I've planned everything, I've set high expectations for myself and I've focused on what I should be doing instead of what I want to be doing.  In the past four years I've used Gen's mantra of living life doing instead of planning to guide my decisions. 

I am inherently a control freak.  I plan everything.  I put my dreams aside to fulfill expectations.  When Gen passed, from a disease that has greatly impacted my life and the life of those I love, it shook me to my core.  It reinforced that life does not care who you are, you simply cannot plan for everything.  As hard as it has been for me to step outside of the need to control, I have dramatically changed who I am and how I live because of what Gen taught me.  I have setbacks and I struggle - but I work really hard to DO instead of PLAN. 

The greatest lesson I ever learned was from my student intern - Genevieve Costello.  I am so thankful for that lesson - and I promise to honor your legacy by committing myself to living the way you taught me to live.  I never got the opportunity to tell you how much of a profound impact you had on my life - but I hope that you hear me talking to you, praying to you, and channeling your strength in my heart.  Thank you for being one of the greatest motivators in my life my point guardian angel, I hope I'm down here making you proud.

#GC12