Deflect the Reflect

I am a highly reflective individual. I am constantly looking at my past, present, and future and wondering if I made/make the right decision and where to go from here.

The thing is, sometimes you need to deflect the reflect and simply make a decision.

When you constantly spend time and energy to reflect on the past, you often miss out on the present and disrupt the magic of the future.

I'm incredibly type A. I plan everything. I am constantly researching and looking to make the most informed decision. I often think of choices and black and white, right and wrong.

In life, things are most often shades of grey. The lines are most often blurred. It's less about right and wrong and more defined by simply being different. So while you can make what you believe is the right decision, in all reality, it's really just a decision that leads to one possible outcome.

I'm not saying don't reflect on past choices or situations. I'm saying take them with a grain of salt. Do not let them define your present or prevent you from experiencing your best future.

When you reflect on your past, you often imagine it in a very different way than it actually happened. We tend to romanticize, form regret, or even judge ourselves too harshly because of current circumstances. We give the person who broke our heart too much leeway. We blame ourselves for bad things that happened. We regret something we said or did. Realistically, these things are a reflection of how we feel in our present situation.

Something I've been working on is understanding my present. Being really aware of who I am, how I feel, and the relationships I'm currently existing in. And then I'll look to what I want those things to look like moving forward.

Appreciate your past, learn from it, but understand that person and those situations no longer exist. In order to maximize growth and choose paths that best serve you, be present. Develop on the person you are now and who you want to be in the future. It's like having a vision board inside your mind that you're able to adjust based on what's happening in real time.

Deflect the constant need to reflect on your past. You're not going there. You won't be that person again. There's a reason you are who you are and where you are right now. If you want to move forward as the happiest version of you, you're going to have to deflect the reflect and accept the now.

It's Not that Bad.

We've become a nation that settles for not that bad. Whenever a new policy, candidate, SCOTUS appointment, BS thing our President has said comes out - it's an immediate cringe, and then "Well, its not the end of the world."

Sure, the world won't end with any of these things, but do we really want to be a country of "I guess it's not that bad?"

I love America. We've got a lot of growing to do. The current administration has caused us a lot of setbacks, but its also opened our eyes to things a lot of people weren't aware were still a problem.

I'm sick of being told I'm overreacting and being asked "is it really that bad?" when it comes to the state of our government right now. Because yes, if we have to set the bar at "the world won't end," then we've definitely gone too far.

It's a privilege to serve in any role in our government. And a role most are voted into by Americans. That should be taken seriously. When we elect these people into office, they should be held to a higher standard because they're in control of a world that effects millions of Americans.

When you think about the lengths people go through to become Americans citizens, the risks they take to bring their families into our country, how lucky we are to have a lot of the rights and privileges we do here, it should give you pause in how seriously you take the honor of being involved in the governing of it.

America is a powerhouse. We are the most powerful country in the world. The entire world. A good majority of what we do, causes a ripple effect for the rest of the world. That's quite the responsibility to take on. Knowing that, I also think that gives us extra motivation to do this right.

We need leadership that brings respect, authority, intelligence, empathy, and pride to the office. From the local Mayor to the President of the United States, if you're mediocre, you've got to go. If you bring disrespect to the office, if the world laughs at us because of who is leading us, we've got a worldwide crisis.

As you go into the world and raise the future, or even just existing on your own, be better. Educate yourself, be involved, and vote. Make sure that you're holding yourself and the people in office accountable. And don't for once second ever allow yourself, or anyone else in our government to get to a place of "well, it's not that bad."

It is that bad. The greatest nation in the world wasn't built to be mediocre. Be better.

Women Supporting Women

I'm a huge fan of humans supporting each other in general, but today I'd like to talk about some women out there hustling for the dream. I'm constantly inspired by women who are able to take their passions and turn them into a business. From blogging to designing, their talents are endless and their drive a fire that's hard to match. Check out some women I know and some I don't (but fan girl over anyways).

Brains Over Blonde (Blogger)

One of my babe squad members sent me to Anna's IG and from there I started reading her blog. Anna is fiercely female and refuses to compromise her femininity or her status as a boss. She's insanely honest, transparent, and relatable.

Castlefield Design (Luxury Branding)

I went to college with Sophie. She's this super educated, aware, and involved (and gorgeous to boot) woman who also happens to be a talented designer. From stationary to clothing to packaging and logos, she does it all. What's better than a custom design that's fresh for your business/event/style?

Lisa Bone Designs (Artist)

Lisa has been a close family friend since as long as I can remember. She's a very talented ceramic artist who sells and shows in galleries in Northern California. She is the one who helped get my mom to discover her passion for making pottery and she's just an incredible human.

Miranda Baugh (Photographer) 

I met Miranda through friends and instantly fell in love with this freaking dope woman. She is now a budding photographer who often utilizes her ridiculously adorable (and sassy) daughter as a subject. Her photos focus on the spirit of people and their life experiences. If you're in AZ, check her out for a shoot. She's also dabbling with blogging and I can't wait to keep reading.

Lesley Murphy (Travel Blogger)

I came across Lesley on IG. She basically dropped everything and decided to travel the world for I believe close to three years. She now has a home base in LA for the first time in years. Her IG is envious with its stunning adventure photos and her posts are insightful. She highlights giving back and something I heavily relate to - she got a double mastectomy to prevent breast cancer after testing positive for the BRCA gene. I love that she's real, seems to have a heart of gold, and she's living my dream life of experiencing all the world has to offer.

Raised By Wolves (Kid's Wear)

My cousin is a total craft genius. She can upcycle, reuse, and repurpose anything to make it DIY gold. She started Raised By Wolves to provide quality, eco friendly clothing and goods for kids and that same craft genius carries through this shop. She's boho meets world traveler meets amazing mama to the sweetest bear cub. Her shop features everything from clothing to books to toys to housewares. And she's big on keeping it local, ethical, yet always fabulous.

Ladies - who are your favorite female business owners or simply just women who inspire you and you crush on for how freaking awesome they are?

The Five Year Plan

The best advice I have ever been given, in work and in life, is to say screw your five year plan, what's your five day plan?  How are you maximizing the seconds in your everyday to get yourself to your future goals?  Who cares about your five year plan if you spend your next five days watching Netflix?  What are you doing to make the most of your time now?

I used to live by the five year plan.  My whole life has a plan.  I think I came out of the womb planning every second of my life.  When asked about my five year plan in an interview, I have always had a detailed and kick ass response.  The truth is - I'm not doing any of the things I planned all these years.  

My last five years have been a series of four states, about as many jobs, a handful of relationships, breakups, makeups, friendships that fell apart, and friendships that became family.  I never lost those extra pounds, I don't own a house - and not one person has let me become Emperor of Sparkle.

The more I plan, the more my plans fall apart.  Adjusting my view to focus on short term has been quite the challenge.  But the more I engage in the next five minutes, the more joy I feel and the more successful I find myself (personally and professionally) in the next five years.

How many times have you put your goals on hold because you figure they're long term, there's time?  How many hours have you spent procrastinating because it didn't need to get done today?  But if you've got a goal to accomplish in five minutes - or five days - you don't have time to wait - you've got to make it happen NOW.

Let's chat examples.  My biggest career goal in life is to be happy.  To love what I do, love where I do it, and get paid enough to travel the world.  I'm not willing to wait five years for that to happen.  So I make time every single day to evaluate where I'm at in my career.  I look at what I'm doing everyday, who I'm working with, and where my finances are - and if in five days I cant find happy most of the time - I start working towards changing that.  I'm not waiting a year, or five years to say be patient, the happy will come.  I am talking to my colleagues, bosses, mentors, and I'm saying I love this, I don't love this - help me figure out where I can adjust, where you can adjust - so that I'm happy.

In my personal life, I struggle with health and wellness.  I get sick often, beat my body up, and I sleep significantly less than a human being should.  I don't have five years to spare living like this.  And I can't wait five years to feel my healthiest and happiest.  So everyday, I prioritize fitness.  I prioritize self care.  I go so far as to make time each hour of the day to do something that simply gives me some personal joy.  Some days that means taking a 20 minute Starbucks break at 3PM.  Most days it means leaving work by 4PM to make 430 Pilates.  Once in awhile it means spending 10 minutes shopping the Nordstrom semiannual sale online.  Every single time, it adds value and happiness to my world.  I'm a significantly better human when I take five minutes to put me first instead of waiting even five days to make me a priority.

Nobody said you should be working every second of every day, but if you're not making the moments count now - how do you ever plan to achieve the big moments down the road?

Side Hustle

These days, everybody has a side hustle.  Between Beach Body, Rodan and Fields, Lula Roe, the endless boutiques, consultants for everything you can think of - it's impossible to avoid seeing the impact of the side hustle in todays world.  

The goal of the side hustle is to make it your main hustle.  It's what you do to get yourself ahead build your income, and to eventually allow yourself to be your own boss.  

As long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a writer.  It took me a really long time to realize how much of a role writing has played in my life, but now that I know it's my passion, it's all I can think about.  This blog, and now the work I do consulting, guest blogging, and ghost writing - these things are my side hustle so that one day I can confidently say that I am a writer, and my own boss.

I think a lot of people out there have passions that aren't in line with what they're currently doing in their career.  They want to make a change but starting can be overwhelming.  They vow to do something and might start the journey, but excuses come up and the dream is put on hold.  I've been there.  I did that for years.  I talked and talked about how I wanted to start a blog, write a book - and I started those things, and then I stopped.  But having been consistent for a year and a half of this website has instilled in me a fire to never stop.  And if I can do it, you can too.

Create Clarity

Figure out what your goals are and write them down.  Be concise, be specific, and be extremely detailed.  Post these goals somewhere you will see them every single day.  Keep a notebook with you at all times where these goals are also written down and where you can jot down your ideas and tasks towards developing the goals.  The point is to have no confusion or room for uncertainty - if you write these goals down - they're real and they're in front of you every single day.  It's a lot harder to walk away from a dream when you're constantly faced with the realization that its just a dream.

Stop Making Excuses

I work a lot.  I travel a lot.  I'm a social person.  I like to workout.  I have a dog.  I'm tired.  I am the queen of excuses.  I'll give you excuses you've never even heard before and the little dream crusher inside of me she backs up these excuses.  In order to make anything happen - you've got to give up those excuses.  And you've got to hold yourself accountable.  Your excuses are BS, and you've got to remind yourself if it's important to you, you'll make it happen.  Sacrifices will have to be made.  You will give up time where you would rather be with friends, family, partying, sleeping, whatever - but you have to carve out time to work on your dreams or they're again, just dreams.

Have a Plan

People who don't have concrete plans make me insane.  I plan for a living and I understand the detail and precision that must go into plans in order to achieve goals.  I want to be a writer but simply having a plan to write isn't a plan that's going to succeed.  I need a strategy for content, a brand, and a means of pushing my brand out to the world.  And I've got to double check each of these steps with ROI so that I know what works and what doesn't.  I don't want to be another one of those bloggers who thinks success comes from just writing when I can, putting content out when I have it and hoping my cute face will get me followers.  Without a plan, the dream is still - just. a. dream.

Accountability

Speak your plans into the world.  Tell your squad about your goals and plans.  There's something real about putting your dreams into the world where others know about them.  You're kind of a loser if you're the friend who talks about doing all the time and never follows through.  I don't like being around those people, I don't trust those people to follow through for me if they can't even follow through for themselves.  Hold yourself accountable by being open about the dream, the plan, and the steps you're  taking to make the dream more than just a dream.

Dreams are so freaking cool.  People with big dream and passions are my favorite people to surround myself with.  And seeing people achieve their dreams after all the hard work they put in to make it happen - that's magic.  Respect the magic of a side hustle and if you do it right, your dreams will be anything but just dreams - they'll become your reality.

Let It Snow

I love the snow.  Give me 20 degrees and snowflakes over 75 and sunny any day of the week.  

I believe there's a power in snow.  It represents a fresh start, a simplicity - a toughness that has this sparkly exterior.  

Right, snow is just Mother Nature, science, part of the life cycle.  But to me, snowflakes make my soul shine.  

Every year since I can remember (potentially choose to remember, unclear) - I have spent time in the snow. And if you ask me if I'd rather be on a beach in the Bahamas or a chalet in Aspen - besides asking you to pay for both - I'm going to choose Aspen (and who's stopping at Costco for wine?).  

I'm convinced I'm actually a better person in the snow.  I smile more, feel more confident, and let myself dream more about frivolous possibilities.  Cool - its December when it snows (I'm into California snow not Minnesota snow, I am not an animal) - so that probably lends itself to the new possibilities and dreaming.  Kind of you to bring me back to reality.

Back to Snowland where I don't have to keep it real. I 've got the time, the blank white slate, and the warm liquor - to plot my next moves.  

I'm not really sure what my motivation behind this piece (what us serious writers call our work) is.  I'm certainly not in the middle of any real new beginning.  I'm not at some big turning point where I've got to make big decisions and embark into a new chapter.  

But I am always convinced that this fairytale I've made snow out to be - is a big contributor to my constant need to seek the next adventure. It keeps me from settling in any one space too long.  The snow is an easy place to hit my reset button and reflect on my current groove.

The way the snow makes everything start fresh again makes me wonder if that's where I get my constant need to do the same.

Maybe my point is that you've got a whole lot of opportunities to start fresh.  And no matter what's going on, the world can reset to neutral.  You can become something new.  Wash away that day before.  Not everyone was meant to be sunshine where the livin's easy.  Some people are destined to cover the world over and over again with the new ways they make the world sparkle.

The Perfect Job

As young, naive, fresh to the working world Ashley entered adulthood and the future of her career, she dreamed of the perfect job.  Determined, armed with a multitude of skills - she vowed never to settle when it came to the dream career.  And that same grit, passion, and stubborn refusal to accept anything less than the best exists within my soul today.  But there's one big difference - current Ashley understands that while the perfect job does not exist, the dream still does.

I hate to break hearts here - but there is truly no job that you will be happy in 100% of the time.  You will not end each day thinking- WOW I really loved every single thing that happened today.  Not all tasks will be enjoyable.  But that does not mean you are not in your perfect job.

Understanding that the dream job can be the dream job with bad days is the most important tool you can ever have as you go on your journey as a business person.  

For the first four jobs I had in the real world - I lacked understanding for this fact.  Certainly there were deal breakers that were not normal parts of any job.  But there were also may times I could have taken a step back and gained perspective in my situation.  And by doing so, I could have avoided a lot of drama, unhappiness, and just taken these pieces of my journey as learning experiences for my future.  

If I could give any new to the working world human one single piece of advice, it would be to have perspective.  

Know your deal breakers, make sure they're reasonable and by all means never compromise those deal breakers.  Without principle, without knowing your value - you have nothing.

But also realize that anything that does not fit in your box of deal breakers belongs in your box of "this isn't fun but life isn't always fun."  That's where you store the crappy things nobody enjoys doing but that are vital to the growth of who you are in your career.  Those are the critical must get done for this company to function pieces that you don't want to do but that don't take away from the amazing job you have.  

There is just no perfect job.  But there is a perfect job for you.  Just like relationships, not every moment is glitter and rainbows, but at the end of the day, it's your person regardless.  Think of your job this way.  Sometimes your boss sucks.  Sometimes you have to spend hours on spreadsheets that are the worst.  some days your coworkers are the least helpful people in the world.  But when you think about leaving your job or your company, you can't bear to consider it.  THAT is your perfect job.

Focus less on perfect and more on your level of happiness.  Do you feel inspired?  Challenged?  Do the people around you feel like your teammates? Do you feel happy most days?  If you can confidently say that the majority of your days you love your job, that is the perfect job for you right now.  If you cannot claim to feel joy most of the time, either change your perspective or change your job.  

To add another layer of depth - understand that the perfect job for you can change throughout your life.  What works for you at 22, can change at 26.  The hunt for the dream is not limited to a timeline.  There isn't a rule book to follow.  As you grow, mature, and your skills and your lifestyle change - so may your career path.  That's OK.

As someone who has had the most nontraditional career journey, who has broken every rule - I know that at the end of the day I have to lie with the results.  Why would I ever allow anyone else to dictate what my path to get there looks like?

Ashley Silva: Published Author

For years I have been a lot of talk when it comes to my passion projects.  I focused on work and building my career and let the things that make me feel alive slip to the side.  And then - one year ago - I started my blog.  For an entire year I have posted three times a week.  365 days of committing to a passion project and it feels damn good.

10 years ago I started talking about writing a book.  I didn't know what I wanted it to be about but I knew I wanted to one day be a published author.  Well here I am - with lots of drafts, notebooks full of ideas - and books about how to publish a book.  But alas - no book.

So now - I'm committing myself to making this passion project a reality.  It may take me 6 months, it may take me 6 years - but I am going to publish a book.

And now that I'm saying it out loud, publishing it on my website (which I plan to continue keeping up with - for the fans obviously) - it makes it a must do.  It's a little scary making a public declaration because there's more pressure to follow through.  But I've dedicated myself to improving my personal life and living out all of my crazy dreams outside of my career.  And I have every intention of never going back to the life of the career tunnel vision. 

Well rounded boss babes are deeply fulfilled in their personal lives.  And publishing a book will make me feel like I can conquer the world.

So you heard it here first - I am working on a book!  I still don't know exactly what it will be about, but it will be funny and it will reflect the extra sparkle that I am.  Stay tuned because I'm going to need all of you to buy it and make me filthy rich.  Passion projects are after all supposed to fulfill my ultimate goal of retiring on a secluded island full of puppies and wine.

Thank you for all your support sequins!

They Let Me Be a Mentor

I'm uncertain if they actually let me be a mentor.  I don't get paid to do it.  I just pick my favorite little sequins and I give them career advice.  Whether they like it or not.  So realistically nobody lets me be a mentor, I just am one.

Regardless of how I got here - I'm here.  I've got my flock of little future world leaders and I spend some of my free time imparting my wisdom upon their fresh little minds.  I still kind of feel like an imposter giving business advice to anyone - but I also oddly buy into my own product.  I've had this crazy nontraditional journey that I'm sure isn't over - and I love that I can provide insight into achieving your dreams without having to follow the rules.

That being said - I'm really picky about who I gift my wisdom to.  I place high value on my brand and so if you're associated with me and my brand - you've got to measure up.  I'm happy to gift 30 minutes of my time to speak to someone about the industry and briefly offer some advice - but should I invest anymore time than that - I've got to believe in who you are and where you're headed.  If I'm adopting you as my little sequin of the future -I'm committing time and energy and resources into helping you succeed - so you've got to earn that trust and investment.

Mentorship is important to me.  The people I bring into my business world are important to me.  It gives me a lot of fulfillment to be able to build these sequins up and encourage them to be their best selves, follow their dreams, and never settle.  And although a lot of them tell me they can't get where they are without me - I can't grow without them.  They motivate me to work hard, keep my passions first, and that I can have it all.  They also remind me of where I came from.  They remind me to never forget what I've been through and where I'm going.  They continue to inspire me and teach me as much as I teach them. 

If you're not a mentor, become one.  If you don't have a mentor, get one.  But be picky.  The mentor/mentee relationship is sacred.  It's trusting your goals, dreams, insecurities, past, present, and future - with someone who you should aim to build a lifelong relationship with.  And its not a way to get ahead.  It's not a connection you use to get somewhere.  It's a bond that is supposed to grow who you are as a person in business and in life.  It's not to be taken lightly and if you do it right, it can change your life.

The Greatest Lesson I've Ever Learned.

At the ripe age of 22, I was working at my alma mater and was supervising a group of interns.  I'm uncertain who felt this was a good idea given that I was very much still a child myself in the business world, but nonetheless here I was, the boss to kids maybe a year younger than me.  Two years max.  Little did I know, that in title I may have been the boss, but the greatest lesson I have ever learned, came from one of those students.

Gen was a free spirit from San Diego.  She had a swagger - rightfully so as she excelled as a point guard on the basketball team.  I never saw her without a smile and could often hear her laugh before she entered the office.  I knew her when I was an athlete at Davis and so hiring her was a no brainer - I know what it takes to be a D1 athlete at a University with high academic expectations and I knew she could do the job. 

Throughout her time as an intern - she made fun a priority.  No matter what I asked of her she made it fun.  She was about getting the job done and enjoying every moment.  I used to get pictures sent from her and her equally as amazing counterpart Paige of whatever shenanigans they had turned the task into.  Whether it be trying on the mascot costume to stacking cases of wine - there was laughter.

The thing about Gen was that whatever she wanted to do, she did it.  A lot of people talk about what they dream of - of making the most out of every minute - but Gen without a doubt personified that life.  She wanted to go to Paris, so she just did it.  She wanted to move across the country for a job, she packed up and left.  Gen lived her life without fear, without worry, without any real plan (so it would seem) but at the end of the day - she succeeded in all that she did because the only plan was to maximize this gift of life.

Gen graduated and I eventually moved on from Davis and started my new life in Colorado.  I remember getting a message from Paige that Gen was sick.  She was 26.  I remember not understanding the extent of her illness.  It didn't hit me that she may die from this.  But the more I was kept up to date - the more I understood how serious it was.  Gen had stage 4 breast cancer, and it was spreading.  We quickly worked with her family and our Davis community to start a fundraiser to help Gen and her family with mounting medical costs.  The only way I know how to react in serious situations is to problem solve.  But regardless of everything we all did, regardless of how hard She fought - Gen passed away less than a month after her initial diagnosis.  I was devastated.  I was shocked.  I was really angry.  

Throughout her entirely brief illness - Gen was happy.  She was positive.  She was laughing and she was having fun.  Her texts were normal and silly.  She was dying - an elite athlete - dying from a disease she had no family history of and no warning.  And she still made the most of every single second she had.  

It will be four years this May since Gen passed.  And every day I think about her.  Her life and her death have affected me immensely.  My entire life I've planned everything, I've set high expectations for myself and I've focused on what I should be doing instead of what I want to be doing.  In the past four years I've used Gen's mantra of living life doing instead of planning to guide my decisions. 

I am inherently a control freak.  I plan everything.  I put my dreams aside to fulfill expectations.  When Gen passed, from a disease that has greatly impacted my life and the life of those I love, it shook me to my core.  It reinforced that life does not care who you are, you simply cannot plan for everything.  As hard as it has been for me to step outside of the need to control, I have dramatically changed who I am and how I live because of what Gen taught me.  I have setbacks and I struggle - but I work really hard to DO instead of PLAN. 

The greatest lesson I ever learned was from my student intern - Genevieve Costello.  I am so thankful for that lesson - and I promise to honor your legacy by committing myself to living the way you taught me to live.  I never got the opportunity to tell you how much of a profound impact you had on my life - but I hope that you hear me talking to you, praying to you, and channeling your strength in my heart.  Thank you for being one of the greatest motivators in my life my point guardian angel, I hope I'm down here making you proud.

#GC12