In a earlier post I spoke about my recent commitment to the year of maybe. It’s my own take on the whole Year of Yes concept that became so popular a few years back. I’m by nature a planner. Someone who needs security. And yet I’m also adventurous. In complete contrast again, I’m also a 33 year old who is saving and planning for my future. All of those things put together make me less likely to commit to saying yes more and more likely to go with a strong maybe.
What does that even mean? It means when I’d normally say no, I pause to consider longer if that no can become a yes. I hold onto the possibility of doing the thing rather than immediately dismissing the idea of it.
In practice it looks a little like this:
As much as I am an outgoing human, I very easily slip into the life of a hermit if I’m not actively working to bolster my social life. When I get into the pattern of staying home, it quickly becomes a lifestyle. I say no to social engagements and convince myself I’m exhausted and practicing self care when in reality it could be weeks at a time of staying home on the weekends before I realize that. I have made myself practice awareness to avoid that antisocial behavior. Instead of immediately making plans to stay in on weeknights or weekends, I consider the activity more openly. Maybe happy hour or a late night concert isn’t something I’d like to engage in, but a workout class or sorting event is.
A year of yes for me sounds entirely exhausting and unmanageable. I have a job that requires a lot of time and energy, I like making time for fitness, and self care me time is super important to my ability to function. I also don’t want to commit to a year of yes if its financially irresponsible. Again, I’ll go to Europe with you, but I’m not wasting thousands of dollars on a last minute flight. I want to plan for the best possible experience that maximizes smart money choices. It’s a maybe because I need to consider what makes sense from all angles.
For some people, a year of yes really works. It shocks the system to make a huge life change and has proven to be successful for a lot of people. I understand why it works and the appeal to committing to such a huge lifestyle change. I also fully accept that it would never work for me.
So who is the year of maybe for? It’s for the people who want to live a little, but are also not in a place to completely uproot their lives. Or maybe they are but just don’t want to. I’m genuinely happy with my life. I enjoy my job, my social circle - I have a lot more good days than bad. But I also know I’m young and in a place to do more, see more, be more. So saying maybe to the crazy things that come up allows me to pause and incorporate new experiences into my world with low risk.
The goal for me in saying maybe and consequentially yes instead of an immediate no is to get out of my comfort zone and find a better balance in my life. I tend to dive head first into work and push aside everything else in my world. I justify it in a million different ways from starting a new role to wanting to get promoted to honestly any and every excuse you can think of. And it’s all just that, excuses. It’s entirely possible and in fact very realistic to have a thriving career as well as a thriving personal life.
However, I think this year of maybe also applies at work. For most of us, we get very focused on our role within a company and we don’t explore other skill sets. I’m attempting to say I might have time for that other project so that I develop talents and potentially passions for other avenues in my career. A big reason that people wake up one day and realize they hate what they do is because they’re steadfast in the way they go about their job. Tunnel vision on the current role without the possibility of expanding elsewhere. When we finally come up for air, we realize how unhappy we’ve been. Avoid that. Explore the things your current company has to offer. If your current organization doesn’t offer you that opportunity, dedicate some time offline looking into what else you’re passionate about. That way you don’t wake up at 50 miserable.
One key part of The Year of Maybe for me is finding intention in who and what I’m saying maybe to. In the year of yes you’re supposed to essentially say yes to everything. I’m 33, I have a generally strong idea of who I enjoy spending time with and what I enjoy doing. Although it seems counter to the year of maybe strategy, I’m going to say maybe not to people more than I have in the past. If I know I don’t enjoy time with someone, I’m not going to play the game of “let’s get together” then cancel plans. I’m not going to say yes to the late night Tuesday concert because I know neither of these situations will make me happy. It’s having a strong understanding of what works for you and not giving into thinking you’re “supposed” to be doing anything. I get stuck in my mind that I’m still young I should be doing x,y, and z and that’s absurd. I’m only supposed to be doing what makes me feel fulfilled. Nothing more, nothing less.
If you’re looking for a medium level life change, consider a year of maybe. Some of us aren’t looking for an entire life upheaval, we want an enhancement on something that’s already working pretty dang well. I’ve uprooted my life countless times. Switched jobs, moved across the country, cut people off - I’d like to just add a filter to what I’m working with now. It’s all working but let’s just give it an Instagram beauty filter and call it a day. That’s why the year of maybe is something that works really well for me. What works for you?
