Red Flags, A Tribute to Corporate Life

If you’ve been on this blog journey with me the last five years, you are well aware I’ve worked everywhere. I’ve moved about 5 times in 8 years and held as many jobs. I like to think I’m a bit of a connoisseur when it comes to knowing the red flags of corporate life. And whether you’re starting out or looking for your mid level dream job, knowing the red flags can save you a whole lot of time and energy.

I’m not going to name names here, but I’ve worked at some of the most desirable companies in the world and the most recognizable brands. From professional sports to tech, I’ve been around the corporate block. So when I say I’ve gotten to know the good bad and ugly, I’m a bit knowledgeable in that claim.

Now one thing I want to stress is there is a difference between normal shit that comes with the job and a truly toxic work environment. If you’re an entry level employee and you’re being asked to do grunt work, that’s not necessarily an issue. That’s part of being entry level. Know your experience level and know what the difference is between having to make copies and being verbally abused.

Second, I was willing to put up with a lot more earlier on in my career. I wanted to get the experience, the big names on my resume and make the contacts in those companies. So I put up with some questionable shit. I actually don’t agree with this strategy in general. But I definitely made a stink sometimes when I shouldn’t have. That comes with maturity, that I didn’t have at the time.

When you’re job hunting, do the research. That’s my number one tip in avoiding red flags. Research the company on Glassdoor (take the reviews with a grain of salt), ask people in your network who work/have worked there, and ask the right questions in interviews. This is the most key way to ensure you can be as informed as possible when deciding on taking a job.

Let’s backup a little bit. When you’re applying for a job, the job description can tell you a lot about a role and a company. I know, sometimes we are in positions where we have to take jobs as temporary ways to live and pay bills. I’ve been there, this isn’t what this blog is about. This is for when you’re looking for the right fit.

When you’re looking at a job description, here are a few words and phrases that are immediate red flags:

  • “thrive in ambiguity…” (We want you to be able to do whatever we decide, even if that means we might change your entire job duties on the fly…)

  • Super vague job descriptions (If you can’t tell what the general roles & responsibilities are, move on)

  • Outlandish salary ranges (If a job says something like $50,000-$250,000, that’s a MLM, run)

  • “able to work independently immediately…adapt quickly…etc” (RUN. This is absolute chaos and usually a sign of a company that doesn’t have its shit together.)

  • One sided job descriptions don’t list perks & ways in which the company can help YOU. And that means they don’t care about you or your future. You’re there to serve them.

  • A job description that values years of experience over actual skills generally means the company has not the slightest clue what they’re doing or looking for.

Now when you’re interviewing, ask the right questions. Don’t coast on this part. You need to get to know the real culture, benefits, and what your future could look like in this role with this company. Ask to speak to members of the team. Ask if this role is a back-fill, new, etc. Ask about what a real day or week looks like to understand how much you’ll be working. ASK what the salary range is for the role.

Red flags in the interview process:

  • If one of the first things they bring up is ambiguous hours, know this means there’s probably a culture of working 24/7. The interviewer is looking to see if you’re willing to do anything it takes to get the job done. Be prepared to burnout quickly

  • Ask about the opportunity for advancement. If an interviewer is unable to clearly lay out options for promotion, raises, tracks to advance, etc, they aren’t offered.

  • When you’re asking about the role being a new position or a back fill, if the manager mentions there’s a lot of turnover, there’s a reason why. And unless it’s an entry level role people are growing out of, that’s a huge red flag. It generally means people aren’t staying at the company long.

  • If there’s no clear company mission, or the interviewer can’t speak to the company values, they don’t have any. And a company without a clear vision is a mess.

  • If the HR team or whomever you’re communicating with is hard to get a hold of or doesn’t follow up when they say they will, that’s not a good sign and probably means that’s how they are to wok with in general. First impressions matter.

  • If a company tries to ask you to take less money than your value, end the process. Know your worth and don’t settle. A company unwilling to pay you what you are worth is never going to take care of you.

Obviously there’s about 6,000 other red flags, but these are some that I’ve unfortunately seen quite often in my career. At the end of the day, follow your gut. Google the company, see what the news is saying about them. Figure out what they believe politically. Where do they donate and give back? Do the research. And trust your instincts.

And remember, just because you’re in a bad situation doesn’t mean you can’t get out of it. There are always options and ways to improve next time. We’ve all been tricked before and it will probably happen again. Learn, grow, and do better next time. You got this.

Off the Sauce

Apparently I am an extremely irresponsible adult. The medication I’ve been taking…for a year…does not allow me to have any alcohol. And we aren’t talking that “hey, we don’t recommend drinking” warning, we are talking “no seriously, it’s really bad.”

Yea. I guess it intensifies the drunk and causes the violent illness I get the next day from hangovers. Which explains a lot tbh. But also, ASHLEY!

So here we are. I’m going off the sauce.

Eventually I’ll change medications so I can enjoy a beverage or two, but right now, I really enjoy the medication and the effect it has had on my mental health. Anyone who has gone on anxiety medication knows it can be really hard to find the right fit. So for me, it’s worth sticking with what works for my mental health and giving up alcohol. For now.

In 2021 I’ve not been drinking much anyways. And in 2020, I can count on one hand the amount of times I had alcohol. It’s not a huge lifestyle change for me given my recent trends. But it is weird. Alcohol is such a social thing. It’s a big part of all the things I love. Sports, eating out, wine tasting, etc. etc.

I’m looking forward to exploring more of what the world looks like without it for a bit and how social situations and friendships will evolve.

I know there are a lot of sober people out there, especially as we get older — but I do think it’s still a little taboo to be the person who is sober by choice. I’ll be sure to report back as I navigate this gorgeous new world. If anything, it’s got to be great for my skin?

Cheers — er — high five? To a brief misadventure of the mocktail season!

My Anxiety

I always see those lists that say “things people with anxiety do.” They’re so relatable. There’s a lot of things on those that I’m like YES! It’s so important to normalize things that we experience within our mental illness by sharing what we experience.

The most common thing I experience with my anxiety is overthinking. And not just briefly, it’s an all day, cannot turn my brain off shit show. It’s a constant worry, constant moving wheel of over-analyzing, and the inability to relax. My brain is never chilling. It is constantly moving and looking to what we need to be doing/thinking/saying next.

I’m also consistently tense. My therapist has correlated this with my PTSD but I am constantly on edge. When it comes to flight or fight my body is consistently ready to fight. And we aren’t talking “well that’s just being aware and prepared” we are talking I always know where the exits are, I’ve taken note of who’s around and could be a threat, and I’ve got six strategies for protecting myself if I need to. Everywhere. All the time. Test me the next time you see me, without fail I am hyper aware and hyper prepared for anything.

I am always ok. Truly. I struggle like the rest of you, but I will always be ok. I have learned to survive, protect myself, and to always be ok. My anxiety doesn’t let me break down. I have trouble crying. I can’t express my feelings very well. It makes me come off as cold at times and distant at others. People have told me they know me but they don’t feel they know me. That I am always there for others but never seem to need anyone myself.

I overachieve the overachievers. You think you know people who work hard and get shit done? You haven’t met me. I get more work done in a day than most do in a week. And that’s not a brag. It’s a constant need to be the best, do the most and a sense of identity from the things I do.

I’m a control freak. I like schedules, plans, and being 432 steps ahead of the game. I feel it protects me from the what if’s if I can be prepared. I do research like you wouldn’t believe before I go anywhere. Anytime I’m traveling somewhere I am already familiar with that city. I know where it’s safe to go alone, where the best spots to eat are and how to travel as a single woman. I keep emergency supplies in my car like food, water, and a first aid kit. It is not unheard of for me to create minute by minute agendas for myself to manage an anxious day. Oh, not an anxious workday, I’m talking I’ll plan a weekend minute by minute.

Ok, that’s a lot. Like a lot lot. A lot of vulnerability.

There are a lot of other things that are unique to my anxiety and PTSD, but I hope this glimpse into pieces of them are helpful for you. I hope they’re relatable. I hope that you might be a little encouraged. And that you might share your own mental illness quirks with others.

That was fast

I’ve always read those “life comes at you fast” and “things change quickly” life sayings and thought to myself; what a pile of shit. I spent a lot of years struggling financially and working in jobs that made me miserable. None of that changed fast for me.

And yet here I am at 35, looking around, and things have changed. I’m not struggling financially. I love my job. Overall, things seem pretty damn good.

I don’t think that’s by chance.

It’s by design (and of course some luck and born privilege).

I’ve put in the time, effort, and been an all around decent human being for quite some time now. My current situation is a result of that.

Sure, life can change in an instant. But it is far more likely that life is a result of a million things over time.

It’s the work you put in, the way you treat others, and often the circumstances you were born into and the privileges you hold in the world.

Yet I encourage you to continue to believe.

To know that eventually, things can be ok. They have the potential to change.

In a time when I know a lot of people are struggling, I encourage you to stay as eyes on the prize as possible. And if you’re going through a good time right now like I am, I encourage you to help those who are not.

Mistakes

Did you huys know that people make mistakes and thats just….ok? Nobody shared this with me! My entire life I have been under the impression that mistkaes are unacceptable.

I get it, I’m too hard on myself. But I genuinely thought that if you make a mistake, specifically at work, you get scolded and you are shamed and life is over.

I’m now in an environment where they not only give grace for mistakes, they expect that you’re bound to make them.

I’m sorry, what is this world?

I made a mistake in a big event that I had planned. And I was so hard on myself. Shaming myself for days on end and apologizing over and over again to literally everyone. I would not, could not stop cutting myself down about it.

And you know what? Every single person at this company said to me — thats is? THat’s the bigest mistake you made for this? AND you fixed it immediately? You’re good.

YOURE GOOD? Where are thre scoldings? Who is going to throw apples at me in the town square? I’m just …given grace and acceptance and support? HOW DARE YOU.

Her’es the thing — I genuinely understand when others make mistakes. But I rarely make them at work. I am so on it that I am often doing my job, your job and her job and I’m doing it all well.

And yea, sometimes I make a mistake — but it is rare. And when I do I am shaming myself for weeks on end.

Apparently expecting perfection isn’t reality.

Having my team, my manager, and others give me grace has been eye opening. It’s allowed me to give myself grace. I still have incredibly high expectations for myself and others, but I am also realizing that I am human. And the constant pressure I have put on myself for years is not sustainable.

I guess what I’m saying is maybe a mistake or two isn’t the end of the world or my career.

No Excuses

Part of my constant journey to become an ally means thinking critically about my current habits and words. What am I saying to others? What am I consuming? How am I presenting myself in the world?

A space I recently have found as an area I needed to grow was how I excuse people simply because they’re “old” or “that’s how they grew up.”

I’ve absolutely made concessions for old white people who are absolutely racist. They’re just old. That’s the time they were raised in. Or I think about where people are from and how they grew up and excuse their beliefs because they don’t know any better.

THat’s wrong. That’s not antiracist. And that is not being an ally.

Times have changed. Thwe information is out there. And critical thinking is a life skill.

Racism is wrong. Full stop.

I don’t care if you’re 5 or 95, you owe it to the world to be better. I don’t care if you grew up in New York City or the middle of nowhere Arkansas, you have the ability to be better.

I’m no longer accepting any excuse for being racist, speaking about others with hate or acting in a way that is racist. I’m not.

I’m calling it out, I’m correcting the behavior, I’m educating that person on how they are wrong and can be better.

Unless you’re being actively antiracist, you’re racist.

Period.

I know it can be uncomfortable because a lot of the folks I’ve excused in the past are family or friends, but that’s not acceptable. Sitting in my comfort is not acceptable. If I’m not speaking up, I am part of the problem.

Am I saying you need to have arguments with people everyday? No. But you do need to find a way to say “Hey Grandma, that’s actually not true and it’s harmful and racist and here’s why.”

Sitting in my comfort, excusing racism for age or background, that’s White Privelege at work. And it’s me resting in that space because I can.

And it’s wrong.

There are no excuses for racism. None. So in my journey to be an ally (and it is always a journey), I am stepping up to be better. No excuses about it.

You’re part of the problem, or you’re part of the solution. What side are you on?

Unapolagetic

Oh she’s unapolagetic again is she? She is. But this time, it’s about mental health. As I mentioned last week, I’ve been going through it. And I’m not quite sure how to come out of it. So I’ve started being honest.

I think I talk a lot about it, but I don’t always follow through. Lately, I have been openly following through like never before.

Say something that is not cool? I’ll say so. Asking for my time and I don’t have it? I’m saying no.

I grew up (like a lot of women) wanting to people please and keep the peace. But I’m dealing with my own special mess of stress & anxiety and I don’t have time for your shit too.

And it’s amazing. I am too exhausted to worry about making someone else uncomfortable who is asking too much of me.

Disregarding my anxiety? I’m going to tell you about it. And I’m going to demand the respect I deserve.

Instead of feeling bad for prioritizing me, I am owning the hell out of it.

I don’t have enough time nor energy right now to devote to anyone but me, and that matters. That’s just as important as giving others my time and energy.

Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten older, maybe its the pandemic, but I have finally realized I can’t do it all. And I shouldn’t have to.

What do you need right now? Do that. Be that. Embrace that. The people who know and love you will support you. Anyone else? Fuck em. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Anxious Mess

My anxiety has finally caught up with me and I’m a bit of a mess. Nothing wild, I haven’t made any questionable decisions, it’s been more of just an overall feeling of being tense that I can’t seem to shake.

And I honestly couldn’t figure out why.

Well let’s think. In the last 6 months (while we’ve still been in a pandemic) I have moved states, gotten a new (very busy) job, and moved in with my parents while I buy my first home.

Whew. That’s exhausting to read about. And I’ve been living it without stopping to consider that’s a whole lot of change in a year full of change.

I need to cut myself a break.

And I need to prioritize whatever I need to do in order to actually make that happen.

What I find when I get this way, which in all honestly, I rarely feel this anxious this consistently — but when I do, it causes me to be really hard on myself in every way. I think it’s an attempt to get some control back.

Lately I’m more insecure, meaner to myself, and pull away from people more.

I don’t actually have a healthy solution here. I don’t have the answers. It’s more to say I’m in this place and I’m trying to find my way back but I’m not there yet.

Sometimes I think that’s huge in and of itself. When you recognize where you are, what’s causing it, and that it’s not great - that can be a really big step.

I love that we are talking about mental health more, but I wish more people spoke up when they don’t have an answer. When it’s jsut a hard time you need to work your way through.

Don’t feel bad for just knowing something is wrong but not knowing how to fix it. For a lot of people, figuring out there’s a problem is the biggest step you can take.

Skincare Over Everything

I didn’t get into skincare until I was in my 30’s. My generation was all about indoor tanning and not much else. We were never taught skincare like kids are now. But now that I have discovered good skincare, I am addicted. And because I have extremely sensitive dry skin, I have tried everything on the market.

I’d like to share my favorite products right now!

Face Wash/Cleaners

Aveeno Positively Radiant Skin Brightening Scrub ($6)

Cerave Hydrating Facial Cleanser ($10)

Dermalogica Ultra Calming Cleanser ($62)

Moisturizers

Dermalogica Dynamica Skincare Recovery spf50 ($75)

Cerave Skin Renewing Retinol Daycream with SPF ($24.99)

LaRoche-Posay Toleriane Ultra Face Moisturizer for Sensitive Skin ($30)

Serums

Biossance Squalane + Vitamic C Rose Oil ($72)

Biossance Squalane + Vitamin C Dark Spot Serum ($62)

Whole Foods 365 Rosehip Oil ($10)

Face Masks

Dr Jart Soothing Hydra Solution Mask ($11.95/ pack of 5)

Lapcos Rejuvinating Variety Pack ($17/pack of 5)

L’Oreal Detox Clay Mask ($8)

What are your favorite skincare products lately? Share!

Unbreakable

If you’re new here, you might not know that I have not always been this loud nor confident. Growing up in a conservative, white, wealthy town meant that I didn’t really grow into my own self — and love who that is until my 30’s.

I bought into needing the good grades, being the star athlete, beauty queen and everything in between. I had moments where my voice came through and my wild ways popped up, but comparative to who I am now, I don’t know that girl.

At 35, I am unbreakable. I know what I stand for, I know who I am and I’m confident that person fucking rocks.

I’ve survived the things I was sure would break me. I’ve percevered when I hit rock bottom in my career. I’ve navigated foreign countries without speaking the language. And I’ve done it all with great hair.

It took me a really long time to get to this point. And at times, my confidence falters. When it does, I remind myself what a bad ass I actually am.

In a year when we’ve all been deeply tested, I hope that you take the time to remind yourself you’re pretty amazing too.

Write these things down. Have them nearby so that when you start to doubt yourself, you can easily look to examples of just how unbreakable you are.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about all of the things we’ve been enduring lately. And it makes me want to tell people more how strong and wonderful they are.

To thank others who have been there to keep me believing in me when it felt like I was alone.

And then to ultimately come back to me, and remind myself — that I might shake, I might crack, but I will forever be unbreakable.