TWO!

TWO YEARS! For two years I've managed to write and publish THREE blogs a week to this little pet project of mine. And while I'm still not famous and not sponsored by anyone, I am consistently putting content into the universe and people are consistently reading what I've got to say.

In many ways, each blog is very much part of my journey and what I'm going through at each stage in my life. I'd love to say that I write what I think is relevant in the world, and some of that may be true, but for the most part its relevant to my life at any given moment. If I'm proud of anything, it's my consistent commitment to being authentic.

I started this journey because I have a passion for writing and a need to be more open about my feelings and the things I've been through in life. I have a unique journey, a loud voice, and a way with words. If I'm able to share my voice and experiences and even one person finds comfort in that, I feel good. Selfishly, I also find comfort in the feedback from readers. And I find release from saying the things I share out loud.

In two years I've changed a lot. Like a lot a lot. I like to think I've changed for the better but often times I suffer setbacks. I like to go back and read things I've published and see how I've changed my opinions, feelings, and actions. I stand by everything I write because it's truly who I was and how I believed at that time. But there's something to be said for being able to tangibly read about that time in my life.

So the lesson for two? Reflect. Keep a journal, even if it's short blurbs and thoughts, write down where you're at and force yourself to go back and review what those thoughts/opinions were. Reflect on how they make you feel now. Are you happy? Shocked? Appalled? Confident? Take time to reflect on the growth or lack thereof.

Invest in yourself through the time you spend both logging these things in a notebook and in the time you spend reviewing those musings. It's so easy to forget times in our lives that are often inconsequential at the time. When you review them later, sometimes they've been defining moments or eye opening thoughts. Things I've never really thought twice about have become turning points. People I didn't think played a role in my life now have taught me some of the biggest lessons.

Realistically, how do you grow if you don't invest in reflecting upon who you were then and now? Two years for me is 312 blogs. Some completely frivolous in hindsight like costumes and hair care. But some are political and social and feelings based. And even the frivolous ones, they give you some insight of how I was prioritizing things in my world. But that's 312 little pieces that tell me who I was, how I was feeling, and what I was believing at any given moment. And that's 312 opportunities to reflect and decide do I feel that way now? Do I believe those things now? Is there room to learn/grow/be better?

How are you carving out time to reflect? Do you take time to invest in yourself and who you are? Do you consider who you want to be? Do you learn how to get there? Are you feeling empty or missing something? How are you going to fix that? Are you proud of changes over time?

There are so many questions and opportunities to reflect. And so many opportunities to be happier, live better, and enjoy more. Sigh, the cliche is true. You get one shot. One chance to make the most of this journey. Take the time to make it a life you can say you did your best to live authentically as your best you. It's never ever easy, but it's always worth it. You invest so much in others, why aren't you deserving of the same?

Women Supporting Women

I'm a huge fan of humans supporting each other in general, but today I'd like to talk about some women out there hustling for the dream. I'm constantly inspired by women who are able to take their passions and turn them into a business. From blogging to designing, their talents are endless and their drive a fire that's hard to match. Check out some women I know and some I don't (but fan girl over anyways).

Brains Over Blonde (Blogger)

One of my babe squad members sent me to Anna's IG and from there I started reading her blog. Anna is fiercely female and refuses to compromise her femininity or her status as a boss. She's insanely honest, transparent, and relatable.

Castlefield Design (Luxury Branding)

I went to college with Sophie. She's this super educated, aware, and involved (and gorgeous to boot) woman who also happens to be a talented designer. From stationary to clothing to packaging and logos, she does it all. What's better than a custom design that's fresh for your business/event/style?

Lisa Bone Designs (Artist)

Lisa has been a close family friend since as long as I can remember. She's a very talented ceramic artist who sells and shows in galleries in Northern California. She is the one who helped get my mom to discover her passion for making pottery and she's just an incredible human.

Miranda Baugh (Photographer) 

I met Miranda through friends and instantly fell in love with this freaking dope woman. She is now a budding photographer who often utilizes her ridiculously adorable (and sassy) daughter as a subject. Her photos focus on the spirit of people and their life experiences. If you're in AZ, check her out for a shoot. She's also dabbling with blogging and I can't wait to keep reading.

Lesley Murphy (Travel Blogger)

I came across Lesley on IG. She basically dropped everything and decided to travel the world for I believe close to three years. She now has a home base in LA for the first time in years. Her IG is envious with its stunning adventure photos and her posts are insightful. She highlights giving back and something I heavily relate to - she got a double mastectomy to prevent breast cancer after testing positive for the BRCA gene. I love that she's real, seems to have a heart of gold, and she's living my dream life of experiencing all the world has to offer.

Raised By Wolves (Kid's Wear)

My cousin is a total craft genius. She can upcycle, reuse, and repurpose anything to make it DIY gold. She started Raised By Wolves to provide quality, eco friendly clothing and goods for kids and that same craft genius carries through this shop. She's boho meets world traveler meets amazing mama to the sweetest bear cub. Her shop features everything from clothing to books to toys to housewares. And she's big on keeping it local, ethical, yet always fabulous.

Ladies - who are your favorite female business owners or simply just women who inspire you and you crush on for how freaking awesome they are?

Side Hustle

These days, everybody has a side hustle.  Between Beach Body, Rodan and Fields, Lula Roe, the endless boutiques, consultants for everything you can think of - it's impossible to avoid seeing the impact of the side hustle in todays world.  

The goal of the side hustle is to make it your main hustle.  It's what you do to get yourself ahead build your income, and to eventually allow yourself to be your own boss.  

As long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a writer.  It took me a really long time to realize how much of a role writing has played in my life, but now that I know it's my passion, it's all I can think about.  This blog, and now the work I do consulting, guest blogging, and ghost writing - these things are my side hustle so that one day I can confidently say that I am a writer, and my own boss.

I think a lot of people out there have passions that aren't in line with what they're currently doing in their career.  They want to make a change but starting can be overwhelming.  They vow to do something and might start the journey, but excuses come up and the dream is put on hold.  I've been there.  I did that for years.  I talked and talked about how I wanted to start a blog, write a book - and I started those things, and then I stopped.  But having been consistent for a year and a half of this website has instilled in me a fire to never stop.  And if I can do it, you can too.

Create Clarity

Figure out what your goals are and write them down.  Be concise, be specific, and be extremely detailed.  Post these goals somewhere you will see them every single day.  Keep a notebook with you at all times where these goals are also written down and where you can jot down your ideas and tasks towards developing the goals.  The point is to have no confusion or room for uncertainty - if you write these goals down - they're real and they're in front of you every single day.  It's a lot harder to walk away from a dream when you're constantly faced with the realization that its just a dream.

Stop Making Excuses

I work a lot.  I travel a lot.  I'm a social person.  I like to workout.  I have a dog.  I'm tired.  I am the queen of excuses.  I'll give you excuses you've never even heard before and the little dream crusher inside of me she backs up these excuses.  In order to make anything happen - you've got to give up those excuses.  And you've got to hold yourself accountable.  Your excuses are BS, and you've got to remind yourself if it's important to you, you'll make it happen.  Sacrifices will have to be made.  You will give up time where you would rather be with friends, family, partying, sleeping, whatever - but you have to carve out time to work on your dreams or they're again, just dreams.

Have a Plan

People who don't have concrete plans make me insane.  I plan for a living and I understand the detail and precision that must go into plans in order to achieve goals.  I want to be a writer but simply having a plan to write isn't a plan that's going to succeed.  I need a strategy for content, a brand, and a means of pushing my brand out to the world.  And I've got to double check each of these steps with ROI so that I know what works and what doesn't.  I don't want to be another one of those bloggers who thinks success comes from just writing when I can, putting content out when I have it and hoping my cute face will get me followers.  Without a plan, the dream is still - just. a. dream.

Accountability

Speak your plans into the world.  Tell your squad about your goals and plans.  There's something real about putting your dreams into the world where others know about them.  You're kind of a loser if you're the friend who talks about doing all the time and never follows through.  I don't like being around those people, I don't trust those people to follow through for me if they can't even follow through for themselves.  Hold yourself accountable by being open about the dream, the plan, and the steps you're  taking to make the dream more than just a dream.

Dreams are so freaking cool.  People with big dream and passions are my favorite people to surround myself with.  And seeing people achieve their dreams after all the hard work they put in to make it happen - that's magic.  Respect the magic of a side hustle and if you do it right, your dreams will be anything but just dreams - they'll become your reality.

In a Land Far Far Away...

I'm not sure if you've noticed - but I'm horribly terribly most awful when it comes to dating.  I don't know how to function in a world based on feelings.  There is only one romantic situation in which I feel most comfortable:

Long distance.

I know - you think I'm drunk.  Long distance relationships suck.  But to me - they're also not very real.  I can exist in a world of not ever having to truly commit myself to someone because realistically, its' not going to work anyways.  I'm mitigating the emotional risk.  Its strategic dating. 

Before you judge me - let's remember I am in fact in therapy and yes my therapist is aware that I often leave the state rather than simply not date someone.  I'm what you should can call emotionally a nightmare.  They should study me - honestly I half expect my therapist to suggest this soon.

Long distance relationships give me the butterflies of the relationship, but it's forced to go at such a slow pace - from such a distance - that I don't believe it's even a thing.  Hence - there's no real risk, or reason that I've got to push myself emotionally.  I like that.  That's just unhealthy enough to keep my therapist in business for years.

Now half of you are in long distance relationships or really into the fairytale and you're super offended right now.  You're thinking that's not my relationship, mine is successful and healthy and very real.  You know what?  It might be.  Seriously, what do I know?  

But for me - it's a sick balance of what do I do with my hands and please love me.  I don't even know what that means.  It sounded very introspective though.  Can I also clarify that I'm purely speaking to starting relationships as long distance?  If you've known each other and been friends or dated before becoming long distance - that's ideal - that's extra strategic dating and I need you to let me in on that because I think that's where I'm going to find my forever.

This all sounds really cynical, and I've got a surprise for you - I'm openly cynical about the long distance game because it represents everything unhealthy about the way I date.  The underlying evolution here is that long distance relationships have taught me my trigger for unhealthy dating patterns.  

Pay attention - the breakthrough is coming ...

I often choose relationships that are destined to fail.

It took me 31 years to process that dating the guy who isn't nice to me, cheats on me, isn't ready to commit - he's not the guy for me.  But you're 32 - I KNOW, can I finish?  This past year I've spent giving my time and energies to men who are nothing like that.  They're good men.  They're in it for the real deal.

And that's made me suspicious AF.  

I've seen all the bad ones - and I've probably been a bad person to date myself at times - so when you give me a man who shows up and is inherently kind, I'm attracted to him, and he's not in it for himself - I want to know his angle.

Fast forward to where I'm at now.  I have a gentleman suitor in my world who throws me for a loop.  I've known him for a long time.  We've developed as friends and whatever and I'm 75% sure that while we are not in a place to be an us right now - he's 98% real about his feelings and he's not just in it for this flawless bod.

And that's a trip.  We aren't dating.  We are not together -

Still single ya'll, please inquire within -

 - ANYWAYS -

We are absolutely in no way a thing.  He's a free agent (but don't inquire within, get your own).  Because of the nature of the places in life we are right now - I don't necessarily believe it can ever be a thing.  And I think that helps me have a more authentic relationship with him.  I absolutely say the wrong things, I self sabotage, and I'm awkward.  But because I know my triggers, I'm in an extra healthy place to test new me.

Do I secretly hope it could be the real deal one day?  I do.  And that's how I know, as much as I try to play it cool, I'm going to be ok in love.  

I'm aware of my triggers, I'm facing them, and I'm evolving.  And really, in a world where we are all just looking for someone to be weird with - that's all you can hope for.

Ashley Silva: Published Author

For years I have been a lot of talk when it comes to my passion projects.  I focused on work and building my career and let the things that make me feel alive slip to the side.  And then - one year ago - I started my blog.  For an entire year I have posted three times a week.  365 days of committing to a passion project and it feels damn good.

10 years ago I started talking about writing a book.  I didn't know what I wanted it to be about but I knew I wanted to one day be a published author.  Well here I am - with lots of drafts, notebooks full of ideas - and books about how to publish a book.  But alas - no book.

So now - I'm committing myself to making this passion project a reality.  It may take me 6 months, it may take me 6 years - but I am going to publish a book.

And now that I'm saying it out loud, publishing it on my website (which I plan to continue keeping up with - for the fans obviously) - it makes it a must do.  It's a little scary making a public declaration because there's more pressure to follow through.  But I've dedicated myself to improving my personal life and living out all of my crazy dreams outside of my career.  And I have every intention of never going back to the life of the career tunnel vision. 

Well rounded boss babes are deeply fulfilled in their personal lives.  And publishing a book will make me feel like I can conquer the world.

So you heard it here first - I am working on a book!  I still don't know exactly what it will be about, but it will be funny and it will reflect the extra sparkle that I am.  Stay tuned because I'm going to need all of you to buy it and make me filthy rich.  Passion projects are after all supposed to fulfill my ultimate goal of retiring on a secluded island full of puppies and wine.

Thank you for all your support sequins!

Business Games

I love sports.  Sports have been my business for the past 7 years and my passion for as long as I can remember.  I feel a sense of loyalty to the teams and players that I support - I am emotionally attached to the wins and losses as well as how we play the game.  Sports teach you how to be your best and they give fans a sense of ownership.  But at the end of the day - sports are a business. 

The NBA, NFL, MLB - they're the parent company to each team within their organization.  And each team is responsible for creating a successful product.  That product is winning games.  You win games - you sell seats.  When the seats are full, the media sells, concessions sell, gear sells, and so forth.  At the end of the day - winning is what matters.  When you're not winning, its a lot harder to fill seats, garner media interest, and ultimately turn a profit.

So what am I getting at?  I'm trying to show you super fans who yell and scream and curse your teams/players/owners for their lack of loyalty to you/your city that you can cause a ruckus all you want - loyalty in the sports business is to winning.  Nothing else.  I feel your pain.  I went into mourning when Brian Wilson went to the Dodgers.  I hate on the Niners to this day for letting Alex Smith go and going with Kap (although seriously they should listen to me about that after this season...) - but I also understand that what we fans feel - is not what these executives feel. 

Team owners/executives have numbers to produce.  They must produce wins and sell tickets and reach financial goals.  So while you and I are focusing on winning too - we also feel emotionally invested in players.  We love the guy in the community and the rookie who leaves it all on the court.  But to the team - these players are replaceable. They're part of the puzzle until they don't fit.  And then they're plucked off the bus and given a ticket elsewhere.  It's harsh.  It's cold.  It's business.

I've watched it happen.  I've seen the roll call on the bus for the guys who were on their way to a game in Chicago but are now being asked to clear out their lockers and move to a new city.  I've gotten the phone calls threating death to owners, cursing out salespeople, burning of the jerseys and posting it online.  Fans are loyal, emotional, and the lifeblood of the organization.  Certainly without fans - there's no team.  But I'll be really honest with you - if you think your opinions on player deals, playing time, or coaching choices matter - you should put your beer down and go home.  They need you to buy tickets but at the end of the day, with or without you the organization will go on.  Maybe to a new city, but it will go on.

I realize this post is probably a little depressing - but life is tough - I just want to keep it real with you.  But with all of that knowledge being dropped - I want you to know - I'm still just as crazy passionate as you are about my teams.  And even knowing all the behind the scenes of it - I'm still just as irrational as you are when my favorite player gets sent away.  Sure, sports are a business, but they're also my heart.

Ball is Life

I've spent the majority of my career in sports.  Granted, I'm only 31 so that's not necessarily saying I'm some 30 year veteran of the business - but I do have a strong idea of what this world is like.   Of course, every organization, every University, and every agency are very different.  I dare only speak to my personal experiences as I know they're vastly different from those of my peers.

Whenever I tell people I work in sports, there's this immediate "how cool" "what a dream" reaction.  It's often assumed that I make a lot of money, I'm at all the coolest events sitting courtside at every game.  People immediately ask which players I've dated and which ones I party with.  The world of sports is seen as a 24/7 party.  It's all glitz and glamour and the good life.

The truth?  It can be.  But it's not big salaries, I'm not sitting on the sidelines at every game, I certainly would never date an athlete I work with and I will leave a bar I see them walk into.  It's long hours, hands on labor, little appreciation, cutthroat often sexist environments, and it's one of the hardest industries to break into and excel in.  And yet, it's also exciting, and its challenging and it's a playground for creativity and passion.  I've cursed it, sworn I'd get out, and yet I still can't completely leave it.

To make it in this world you have to be willing to start at the bottom and I'm talking the very bottom.  You have to be willing to do manual labor, work 16-20 hours straight and do all of this for minimum wage or even school credit.  You have to work really hard, without complaint, and you have to be open to feedback.  Have patience.  Realize you aren't making six figures for a really long time, if ever.  And you're not in a world where someone is going to tell you how much you're appreciated.  It's a world where the staff is replaceable.  So you've got to think strategically.  You've got to constantly build relationships, learn from everyone you can, and trust very few. 

But as cut throat as this world is, I've met some of my best friends in this world.  I've grown personally and professionally in this world and I'm not sure I'd have done so had I not been in sports.  I've sat courtside and on the sidelines at some momentous games.  I've worked side by side with some of the greatest athletes and coaches in the game.  I've drank $1,500 wine and eaten a $10,000 dinner.  I've flown on the team plane.  I've gotten to pursue my dreams and been given incredible responsibility.  And that's why I can't give this world up. 

In my new role, I'm not 100%  centered on sports.  I'm sports and product marketing and music and everything in between.  And that's scary.  But it's also exciting.  It's a whole new ball game if you will - and I'm the rookie in this world.  But I think at the end of the day, that only makes me a stronger competitor when (or if) I choose to go back to sports full time.  It's an opportunity to have something I've only heard about: a work life balance (I'm unclear on the details of this).  And it's a position I'm a little uncomfortable going into, which makes it a position I should absolutely take. 

The world of sports is glamourous.  But it's also really ugly.  And really cut throat.  Half the time, I didn't know who we were playing or even the name of every player.  You're not a fan when you're in that world.  You're in a business.  And you're an employee in a world expected to increase profit for that business.  Certainly, be passionate, don't ever lose your love for the game, but be warned - it's like taking the mask of Mickey - you see the world in a whole new light.  And sometimes it's princess castles and light shows, and sometimes it's tantrums and back stabbing.  Quite frankly, you're either made for the sports world, or your not. 

Personally, I live for this life.  If I didn't, I wouldn't still be so scared to walk away.  We joke that ball is life in this world.  But I'm not sure its really a joke.