Destination Addiction

The first time I ever moved away from home was at 26. Up until that point I never lived farther than an hour flight from where I was born and raised. When I made that move, it was to grow. I wanted to get out of my comfort zone. But soon after, I moved again. And again.

It wasn't until recently that I heard of the idea of destination addiction.

Destination Addiction is a preoccupation with the idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job, and with the next partner.

Every time I was unhappy in my current situation, I left. And while I was searching for that next city or job (or quite frankly running from the current relationship), I was missing out on what was in front of me.

Truth is, happiness can be created any time. It's about your attitude and your effort. You're always going to want for more. A better job, better partner, better home - that's a constant. Very rarely do all the stars align for perfect. And when it does, it's very brief. But when you choose to focus on the joy, to put the negative in a box at the side, you allow for happiness in the present.

I think back to times I was unhappy and how I let it consume me. My only focus was to get out. Get to the next destination. And while I won't downplay the times I was truly miserable, if I had refused to allow those parts to take over my entire world, I would have made room for a lot of happiness.

I missed out on events, developing friendships, and new adventures because all I could see was what could be next. You don't get a redo on what you miss out on. I don't get to go back and attend the birthday party. I don't get a second chance with everyone I no longer have relationships with.

Having a longing for more, for better is okay. Allowing those feelings to become all consuming, are not. Being able to understand that happiness is not the next job, relationship, or destination is one of the most critical life skills you could ever learn.

Happiness is possible whenever, wherever, with whomever as long as you're open to it.

It's up to you - do you want to live 75 years chasing the next best thing or do you want to get up everyday and truly live?

Daily Mantras

I'm not really into all this new age feel good wellness.  I'm still getting used to the idea of therapy, let alone balancing my chakras, shaking some crystals, and using sage to cleanse my space.  

You've really got to start slow with me when it comes to all this meditation and such.

So I'm starting with mantras.  I've started with daily affirmations/mantras - whatever you want to call them - that give me a positive vibe to focus on for the day.

Obviously I've started with Pinterest to find myself these magical words of motivation. 

Let me share out a few with you:

I'm not sure that my entire life has changed yet - but it's a really easy start for the hippie skeptic that I am.  Here's how you incorporate it into your life:

1. Write down your daily mantra 

2. Say it to yourself to start the day

3. Keep it with you throughout the day and remind yourself of it when you're struggling

That's it.  It's simple, it's purposeful, and it's not too braids and bongs for the common realist.

Get out there and make the day better sequins! 

Mental Health May

May is Mental Health Awareness Month and in its honor - I'm going to share with you how I manage my mental health and create a strong basis for stability in my world.  

PHYSICAL HEALTH

My mood is often dependent upon my physical health.  I have a weak immune system and have to work extra hard to keep my health in a good place.  I also see a high correlation between managing my stress and whether or not I'm taking time to be physically active.  I think what scares a lot of people in the physically healthy world is that they assume physical health = appearance and fitness levels.  That's false.  Being physically active can simply mean getting outside.  Going on a walk.  It doesn't have to mean competing in body building or running a marathon.  Take time to find out what form of fitness feels right to you and do that.  Additionally, get sleep.  Eat right.  Physical health is more than fitness - it's supplying your body with the nutrition and REM cycles  to stay powerful.  

RELATIONSHIPS

Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about who you are.  From your family to your closest friends to the community in which you live - spend the majority of your time with people who do not drain you.  In life we will always have to spend time around those who steal our joy, but if you can limit that time, you'll be doing yourself a long term favor.  Constantly evaluate your relationships - not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever.  Edit ruthlessly in order to maintain only positive uplifting relationships.

MEDICAL CARE

Not everyone needs medication to manage their mental health.  I do.  I meet with a psychiatrist every couple months to check in and make sure that my medications are professionally managed and I am practicing safe medical solutions to managing my mental health.  I also see a psychologist about once a week (depending on my travel schedule).  I realize that right now, I need medical care to assist in keeping me at my best. I know not everyone believes in medical intervention for mental health, a nd that's ok - that's why each journey is different.

WORK

We spend most of our lives in the workplace.  Unless you're married rich, been born wealthy, or won the lottery, you're probably working 8+ hours a day, 5 days a week for like 30 years!  And if you're like me, you put a lot of your heart into your career.  When I'm unhappy in my career, it greatly affects my ability to maintain good mental health.  Do everything you can to work somewhere you're happy.  And if you're not happy, change your attitude or change your situation.

PASSIONS

I thrive on my passion projects.  If I don't make time for what I love to do (writing, reading, creating), I'm miserable.  Whether it's an hour a day or sometimes only an hour a week, make time for your passions.  Really take the time to learn what your passions are and develop those.  They fuel your energy and make your happy muscles flex!

As always, my journey with mental health is extremely personal.  Yours may look entirely different.  Consult a professional to make sure you're on the best path for you!  And never be ashamed to ask for help my sequins! 

Cake Cake Cake

More and more lately I've heard women in my Pilates classes talkin about their workouts affording them the luxury of food.  They talk about earning a meal because they completed a workout.  

I've not always had the best relationship with food.  I've binged, deprived, limited, followed trendy diets - I've done it all.  But what I know now is that food is fuel.  Food is not meant to be earned.  It's not meant to be feared.  Food should not control you.

It is my hope that we stop teaching women they have to live and die by calories and carbs and that they must complete some grueling workout in order to enjoy a meal.  Fitness and food are to be enjoyed.

If you're raising a little boss babe, teach her to love her body and the things it needs to maintain a healthy happy status quo.  Teach her it's ok to eat the donut without running 5 miles to makeup for it.  Don't shame her for eating too much - teach her that eating the foods nature provides us are meant to be enjoyed until you're full!  

My relationship with food, fitness, and my body continues to change.  Thankfully, for the most part, it's healthy.  I eat a lot.  I workout a lot.  But I don't limit myself.  I don't force myself to workout as punishment.  I eat carbs.  I truly look forward to my Pilates and spin classes.  I get outside and I walk.  I cook with fresh ingredients.  Sometimes I eat donut(s).  

I've changed the narrative for myself.  I took back control.  Only I determine what role food plays in my world.  

The Art of Never Growing Up

I love glitter.  Sparkles make me smile.  I dress up at work on Halloween.  I went to Disneyland by myself once because my friend didn't want to go.  Finding Nemo is one of my favorite movies of all time.  I am also successful in my career.  I pay my own bills.  I take my vitamins and cook my own meals.  But at heart, I am a child.

And I hope I never grow up.

Life is really hard and really serious.  Between work pressure, paying endless bills, violence, relationships, the state of politics - I honestly don't know how we all don't lose our shit on a daily basis.  

My way of staying sane in a chaotic world is to remember how awesome it was to be a kid.  It's to never be too adult to have a good time.  And it's certainly not to ever become so wrapped up in the idea of being grown up to have fun.

I think there's a really fine line between immature and someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously.  And it takes work to juggle having fun and being able to flip the switch to business Barbie.  But as long as you're handling your responsibilities and exceeding expectations - there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a good time.

I've absolutely been told to grow up on many occasions.  That I'm too old to do this or like that.  That to be taken seriously I need to be serious more often.  I find that extremely ignorant.  I don't trust anyone who doesn't know how to have a little fun and remember that for most of us - we aren't saving lives.

The most creative and innovative people I know recognize the art of play, laughter, and being a kid again.  Without the ability to think outside of the box, relax the suit and tie, or laugh at yourself - you're really wasting happiness.  I also think you're not maximizing your career potential if you're too serious.  If you're not willing to look like an idiot - you're missing out on a lot of the best business opportunities.

Before you tell me to grow up - think about learning to loosen up and high five your inner kid.  I promise you'll gain a lot fuller life if you do. 

Thankful.

Its the annual celebration of giving thanks.  And while I am thankful for so many things every single day - it's fun to acknowledge those things publicly.  Especially since Santa has surely not purchased all of my presents yet.  

This year - I'm thankful for a lot.  I know, every year I'm thankful for a lot.  But 2017 (2016 too now that I think about it) has been a doozy.  You know what, the past 5 years have been years of incredible highs and lows.  So that's given me more time to reflect on some of the things I'm thankful for.

First - I'm thankful for the insane lows of the past year.  Didn't see that coming did you?  Well I am.  I'm thankful because for the first time in my life, I feel indestructible.  On my own.  As myself.  I know that anything that comes at me, I'm in a position to overcome.

I am also thankful for the people that have been placed in my world.  For the humans who have becomes my support.  I'm thankful for your patience with me, your challenging me to open up and rely on you, and for reminding me that I am pretty awesome.

I'm thankful or growing up.  For oddly letting 32 feel like a defining year when its nothing but a number.  It's only been a month and I feel like 32 has challenged me to own being an adult on my own terms.

Social media.  I have a love/hate relationship with social media but I am thankful for how it's allowing me to slowly give me hope that my dream of being a writer could become a thing. One day.  

My dog.  Obviously.  I'm thankful for your unconditional love and for teaching me that everything in the world is exciting if you let it be. 

I'm thankful for so many things.  And writing them down, gives my soul a little extra shine.  What are you thankful for sequins?

Time is a Choice

We all have the same 24 hours in a day.  Not one single human being gets 25 hours or 14 hours.  We all get 24 hours and that's it.  No more, no less.  How you choose to spend that time is up to you. 

Seriously.  Stop making excuses or saying you have to do something.  Whether it be work, appointments, who you spend your time with, that's a choice.  You can always choose to make a change.  You can always choose who you give your moments to.

I get it.  Some things you legit have to do (thanks smart ass).  You have to go to the doctor.  Get your car fixed.  But realistically 98% of the things you do, they're a choice.

We are all important.  But I think a lot of us get trapped into warped levels of importance.  I've always had jobs that have long hours.  And I've missed a lot of life events, put my health at risk, allowed personal relationships to be put on the back burner.  And for a really long time, I used that as an excuse.   Ultimately, missing these things, missing time with people - those were choices I made.

Of course there are times when work does prevent you from being somewhere.  And sometimes you're tired - but if you find yourself saying no or I can't to things really often - you're making a conscious choice to prioritize certain things and put others on the back burner.  And that's ok.

It's ok as long as you own what you're doing as a choice.  Your priorities are your own to make.  But making excuses, claiming you have to do something, that's not owning up to the reality of being a grown up. 

Being a grown up means realizing that time is a choice, a really precious choice, and how you choose to spend your time is incredibly personal.  But pretending that your time is anymore important, any less of a choice - thank anyone else - well its BS and its insulting to the people around you.

Time is limited.  How you choose to spend your limited time is something you should think critically about.  Get strategic and focused. Dedicate the most time to you and those closest to you.  Choosing where and how you spend your time is choosing joy.  And choosing to accept that there's no excuses for your unhappiness, no excuses for never seeing someone, and no excuses for not getting things done. 

You have the same 24 hours a day that everyone else has.  You don't care about their excuses so why are you listening to yours?

Miniature Smiles

I've been really busy at work lately.  Working 7 days a week at times busy.  We are short staffed and so I've been stepping up to the plate to get things done and I'm exhausted.  I'm burnt out, I'm cranky, and I'm not handling stress well.  My anxiety is at an all time high and I should not be left alone without adult supervision.

One of my closest girlfriends and fellow anxious babes suggested I take life hour by hour right now until things are able to slow down.  And as insane as that sounds to break your day down by every hour, it's not a bad idea.  So here's what I've done.  I've decided to find a little happiness and reset in each hour.  

These little acts of joy aren't big.  Sometimes they're 30 second breathers, but what I've learned is that it's actually helping me from going off the deep end.  Make no mistake, I'm still one broken nail away from packing up and moving to a yacht in Italy and letting myself be funded by a wrinkly 85 year old sugar daddy, but I haven't done it yet (Moo is so proud).

So what are these sparkle breaks you ask?  Kind of you to inquire.  Here are some examples:

• Grab an iced tea or coffee
• Surf social media
• Text my family
• Take a walk
• Eat a snack
• Chat with a friend
• Get a workout in
• Cook a meal
• Snuggle my dog
• Shop online

Clearly I'm not changing my life with these.  They're things a lot of you are probably doing on the daily thinking how is she calling these wins?  But for me, during a completely chaotic time, these are HUGE wins.  If you're in a very "no two days are the same" career like I am, we don't have normal working schedules.  We fly by the seat of our sequin pants sometimes and being able to slow down and make personal time is the biggest success of our day.  Simply not walking out or killing anyone is the most proud I feel all week right now.

If you're living that non stressful, perfect work life balance life - this blog is not for you.  Continue on.  But for the rest of my fellow sequins out there who often have a hard time managing the stress of being superwoman at home and at work - have hope!  There are small victories and there are reprieves in your day.  But it's on YOU to put in the effort, set your boundaries and effectively create that balance.  

Now go forth and make the most of your day.  And send me your ways that you incorporate a little sparkle into your hours at work.  

Fairy Tale Endings

I don't believe that life always works out in the end.  I don't believe that if you work hard, you're a good person, that life automatically hands you the happy ending.  No matter what you do, how amazing you are, sometimes life is unfair.  You don't get the dream job.  You don't find your life partner.  You may not beat cancer.  But I do believe that even when life is hard, even if you don't get that fairy tale ending, life is worth living to its best potential.

While this may seem like a really negative outlook, when you really think about it, it's actually an extremely positive way to live your life.  I'm saying that there are no guarantees in life, you're not owed that dream ending.  But if you choose to celebrate the good things that do happen along the way, at the end of the day, you are living your best fairy tale.

If you simply wait until the end to have your fantasy come true - you're missing the entire point of what a good life is.  A good life is not 75 years of working towards your dreams and then only having maybe 10-15 years to enjoy those things.  Life is for enjoying the things that happen to you as they occur.  The dream is having a life you're able to find joy in every single day.  

So how do you live your fairy tale now?

Be Present

Pay attention to your life every second of the day.  Something I've been doing lately is pausing every hour to regroup and if I need to, give myself a minute of joy doing something that I know relaxes me.  I'm trying to look less at where I want to be in 5 years and more at where I want to be in 5 minutes so that I'm able to truly be conscious of my life as it happens.  

Celebrate the Small Things

Big promotions and personal milestones are absolutely worth popping bottles for - but so are the days you make it through by purely surviving.  You're not going to experience life altering achievements every day.  But you are going to experience little things every day that make you smile.  That's a win.  Celebrate those.  Eat a donut, go on a walk, get a manicure - do something to celebrate!

Be Mindful

If you're unable to carve out small moments for yourself or you're not finding any moments of joy in your life.  You need to make a change.  Every single day is not going to be a good day.  Some are positively terrible.  But if there is not one single moment you can step away and breathe or smile at least once - you need to take steps for a new life. You don't get to do life twice.  Make sure you aren't wasting too much time in a situation that makes you miserable.

Be Realistic

Reality TV sets these unrealistic standards for life.  Stop comparing the way you live and who you are to the lives of people in the media.  you're only seeing half their story and quite frankly, their stories are not the norm.  Figure out what your happy looks like and shoot for that.  I can't afford to leave my job and travel full time right now.  But I can afford to plan trips until full time travel becomes a reality one day.  Baby steps.  Be realistic.    

At the end of the day, happy is available to you every single day.  The fairy tale is all around you waiting to be had.  If you take the time to adjust your understanding of what a dream life looks like, you'll realize 90 years of every day magic moments are better than 75 years of misery to only "live your fantasy" for 10-15 years max.  The happy ending is a life full of smiles.

Every Day is a reason to CELEBRATE!

We all save things for special occasions.  Outfits, bottles of champagne -  whatever it is - we hold onto it for a celebration.  But why not treat every single day as a day to indulge in the best?

If I've learned anything in the past few years - its that life isn't promised, the good and the bad can change very quickly, and things are in fact - just things.  That being said, I'm still a bit of a hoarder.  I have wine I've been saving for two years, clothes I haven't worn yet because what if I need the perfect outfit for an event, and I often buy things I don't need.  So certainly although I say that the time is NOW to celebrate - I admit I need a little development of my own to practice what I preach.

I get it - the girl who is obsessed with glitter and plans parties is not out here celebrating every moment?  Alas - I am a fraud.  Well, not a fraud really, because I do tend to gift vials of glitter to people purely because every day deserves a little sparkle.  And I do wear tutus to work just because it's a Tuesday and I want to feel like a princess.  But I still save the bubbles and good red wines for special days - and then when the special days come - I claim they're not quite special enough for the good bottle.

But really - the good wine, the cute top, the fancy necklace - they're things.  I value them so much and yet when they're gone or worn - they're barely an after thought.  So what are we waiting for?  I had a really great week of work last week.  That's a reason to celebrate.  I walked for an hour today on an incline without foot pain - that deserves the good bottle of bubbles for sure!  The point is - it's not that hard to find a reason to celebrate. 

Instead of saving things for special occasions - create special occasions with what you've already got.  Stuff is stuff and things are things.  We give them value by how we use them and how we hold them up in our lives.  I'm going to start having the good wine on a Tuesday because I can.  And I'm going to wear the gorgeous shoes on a Thursday because I look good in them.  I'm goin to give Nash the fancy treats more often because he deserves it. 

Life is your special occasion.  Being alive is your reason to celebrate.  Commemorate the day and make memories because you freaking can.  I want to get to the end and remember the 1,000 times I chose to have a sparkly day - instead of the 4 times I celebrated because I wanted to save the cool things.  Throw a party because you woke up today.  And use the good china.  JK - I don't have any good china - but you can bet I've got a lot of good wine.