Character Development

Growing up I developed a need to be a people pleaser. I worked hard not for myself, but because I felt it was the character I was supposed to play.

Top athlete. Good student. Beauty queen. I had to be the best at everything. I never considered if these things were important to me, I only cared that I succeeded at them and they made people approve of me.

That worked for me for a really long time. I was successful and had the approval of those around me.

But now that I’m in my late 30’s, those things aren’t what makes me happy. I don’t feel my value is based upon my bofy, beauty or what I achieve at work. They’re great things to have, but they don’t make me feel valueable.

They also haven’t been what makes me happy.

I value being a good person, laughet, good peoplel travel, feeling safe and supported and healthy. That’s it.

I will always work hard, I will always value being conventionally beautiful (hello, women of the world) and yea, it feels good to be a boss at work - but those things don’t equal automatic joy.

I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy talking about not feeling good enough, successful enough, attractive enough - but the common theme is that I don’t know what any of that means for me. I only know what those things mean from the standpoint of people who showed me the values of those things. My view on what equals success or where those things fit in my value set never came into account.

So that’s what I’m trying to learn. What matters to me, who I am indepedent of what others think I should be and how I want to develop moving forward.

I had always thought of myself as fiercely indepedenent and vocal - and I am - but I am also quick to pull myself back into line to meet the expectations of others. I have genuinely valued being liked over being true to myself.

That’s a hard pill to swallow.

So at 37, I’m not entirely sure all of who I am. I am working hard weekly to figure it out. And while I have a lot of work to do, I’ve also done a lot of work.

I like this me. I like the version of me that doesn’t need to be the best. I like the version of me who steps away from people who gaslight me into feeling bad about being who I really am. I love the version of me who speaks up unapolagetically about the things that matter and sits with being called loud, bossy, bitchy and difficult. Who doesn’t backtrack and smooth the road. I love the me that demands better of myself and others. I love the me that I’m evolving into.

I know I’ll have setbacks, but for the very first time I genuinely feel like I’m not just saying I have grown, I truly am growing and learning to be the real me that’s authentic and flawed and quick to sit in a situation and figure out what I feel rather than what I should feel.

I hope if you’re struggling, you keep doing the work. Whether you’re 22, 32, 62 - there’s alwaus time to figure out who you are and prioritize your own joy. To succeed on your own terms. To find pride in your own existence because you’re true to your values and joy.

Playing a character is exhausting and note remotely fullfilling. Your authentic self is who you owe to the world. If not everyone likes that person — good — it means you’re doing something rignt. Keep going.

FunEmployment

In May I left a really toxic environment (at a wonderful company, wrong team). Instead of immediately focusing on my job search, I took a break. Now 6 months in I’ve learned a whole lot.

I can finally say that work doesn’t define me. It’s a great thing that can certainly fullfill me, but the real purpose of it is to pay bills and book flights.

I will always work hard, be type A and value having a reputation as someone who is one of tne best at what they do, but my work will no longer be my primary focus. It does not define me. In fact, it’s the least interesting thing about me.

That’s a HUGE shift for me. While I’ve worked to find balance, I’ve still very much allowed work to be 80% of who I am and where I spend my energy. It’s controlled my moods, controlled what I think about myself and truly been what I’m self concious about.

No more.

6 months of travel, therapy, not working — I’m a new sequin, and I love it.

It’s completely foreign to me to be at a “career low” and yet be the most confident, fullfilled and happy version of myself I’ve ever been. I am setting boundaries, living for the moment, speaking about my feelings, doing the work assigned at therapy and investing in people who make me feel wonderful while stepping away from those who don’t. I am genuinely so proud and happy of the woman that I am.

I know at the end of the day, I’ll find the next thing. I will bet on me every single time. And I won’t lie, it’s stressful looking for a job in a market full of layoffs and a looming recession. I am not an heiress (RUDE) so I’ll need a job soon. I have my breakdowns and stress about that. I’m human. But I will be ok. I will come out of this thriving.

In the meantime, I’m working really hard to keep the old me back and the new me forward. I’m focused on putting in the work on my growth and maturity and investing in experiences.

Funemployment for me has been an incredible time of work & play. I’ve left the country twice, traveled in our own country countless times and I’m taking time to build on who I am without work. It’s been a gift to truly force myself to be whole without a job - because I don’t have one!

I hope that when I do start work again, I remember this time and stay focused on the growth. I hope I keep this same main character energy and ensure work stays secondary.

Whatever comes next, this time has been a gift and an incredible opportunity to become a better me. And at the end of the day, that’s the goal. Be the best version of myself possible.

Going through it

TW: Suicide

For awhile there y’all, I was going through it.

Between dealing with the whole Suns gestures wildly STUFF, leaving a job I was really excited about after only a little over a year, and health issues - I had been feeling just punched down at every turn.

At the same time - I struggle with making sure I am aware of my privilige. Because truly it could be significanlty worse.

However - just because I’m privileged and realistically ok - I can still struggle. And that’s important to acknowledge.

Because I have been going through it.

Trauma coming up from years ago, being in the media, being a super active and healthy person and then not having those same capabilities, leaving a job I had been loving but that turned into a complete nightmare - all of that alone is a lot - together - whew.

The point is - life is hard, different degrees of hard sure - but hard. Take the time to say “ok I’m struggling.” And then get perspective and get help.

Therapy, mental health breaks - medication if you need it. USE IT ALL.

I think we are all going through it a bit right now and have been for going on 3 years. Having that awareness to say it out loud and get the help you need matters.

Nobody is asking you to sit in silence. And if you’re privileged, nobody is asking you to apologize for it, simply be aware of it.

I feel like I’ve been going through it on and off since the pandemic happened - much like we all have. It just took me a ridiculously long time to admit it.

But as we’ve seen lately, suicide is becoming much more prevalent. And that hurts my heart. So please, please speak up if you’re going through it.

Speak up, speak often and ask for help.

If you’re going through it, there’s help.

There’s safe spaces and resources available and people who want to be there.

If you’re going through it, it’s ok. You deserve to feel seen, heard and supported.

The Rules are Meant to be Broken

I have always followed the rules in life. Not the actual rules, but the ones that say get good grades, work hard, go to college, get the job, get promoted - and so forth. And you know where those riles got me? It got me injured, it got me stuck in horrific job environments, it got me challenging horrible bosses and quitting.

It got me sitting here at 36 wondering what was the point?

So I’m breaking the rules now.

I’m not searching for the next level. I’m searching for the next happy.

I’m saying yes to the last minute flights to Europe. I’m saying no to the really high paying offer that would make me miserable and force me to go back to working 24/7. I’m sitting on the couch and catching up on reality TV while I eat chips. And I’m setting boundaries at work instead of volunteering to stay up for 2 days straight to execute the perfect event.

I have decided that the rules are stupid and I’m tired of seeing people do less to get more.

So I’m creating my own rules.

Rule number one - live the life that makes me the happiest. That’s the priority.

Focus less on doing the most to achieve arbitrary milestones that I don’t think I ever cared about and spend more time on the things that spark joy.

If you’re like me and you’re been following the rules set forth when you were a wee sequin, take some time to step back and re-evaluate if those rules still apply.

Most often times you will find they do not.

So break them. And create your own rules for living. Starting with “be truly happy” at number one.

You got this.

Main Character

Growing up I always played a role. It was really easy for me to shift between star athlete, beaugty queen, class clown, book nerd — whatever the situation called for I was ready to step into that role.

The only role I’d never played was the main character in my own life.

It’s always been really important to be to be the best at everything. I needed to fulfil the expectations of those around me. From being really good at all the sports to being the prettiest, skinniest version I could be. To getting good grades and getting the promotion. Being the youngest to have a job to being the funniest in the friendship group.

Recently, my therapist asked me who I wanted to be. What was important to me?

And for probably the second time in my life, I didn’t have the words.

I’d never considered whether I was truly passionate about the things I was working tirelessly towards. I just did them to the best of my ability over and over again.

So she challenged me to start thinking about what I was doing for me, what I wanted my future to look like and to write it down.

I’m still really passionate about sports, I’m definitely invested in feeling good about how I look but I doin’t care about titles or climbing the ladder at work.

I’m really excited about excelling at things, but things that are important to me. Like being a good person, helping others and affecting change. I do want to be healthy and fit - but skinny isn’t something I strive for, I want to be athletic and strong. At work, I want to be paid well and respected - and then I want to be left alone because I care more about life outside the office.

I still struggle greatly with being the main character in my own story. I care a lot more than I thought about what others think about how I appear on the outside. And that’s going to take time to move past.

Having to shift from being conditioned to be the best at everything and meet certain life milestones - and then not meeting all of those milestones has been really really hard. Figuring out those milestones were never what I really wanted has been really really hard. I’ve spent so much time playing a charachter that I don’t know who I am all the time.

But it’s really important for me to figure that out.

It’s really important to me to spend the rest of my time in life playing the main character according to my own script.

I challenge you to really take the time to discover whay parts of you are YOU and which parts were written FOR you. And then work towards developing the parts that are authentically you.

Why does it matter?

Growing up, I was always praised when I won. From sports to school to how I looked, when I won, I was praised.

I remember vividly the high from that. And while it was filled with the best intentions, I realized it made me internalize mg value as those things.

I needed to be the best, the prettiest, the fittest - I needed to be number one at everything.

Now that I’m very not young, and gearing up to my late 30’s, I’ve been feeling a bit like a failure. I realized that I don’t have the “best” anymore.

And while I have changes who I am and what I value, when I go through hard times — I revert back to feeling like if I’m not those things — or perceived as those things — I feel like I’m nothing.

That perceived part is what I realized I focus on. It matters to me that I’m seen as the person that’s the best and has it all.

Even if I was struggling the most when I was that “have it all” person.

I currently am not the best athlete, not the fittest, not the CEO of anything. And I’m really happy.

Who I am now, without all the things I thought I was supposed to be — is the best me I could ask for.

I loved being good at sports. I loved being conventionally attractive. I loved all of it. But knowing that I don’t need those things to have value is pretty cool too.

I’m still an athlete, I’m still cute, I’m still smart. Im still successful. If I’m surely not the best anymore.

And recently, I was struggling with self worth. I started to get insecure about where I’m at and what others think of that.

I was chatting with my therapist about it and she positioned it to me as - folks might be judging, but why does it matter?

And I don’t have an answer. I know it’s rooted in being raised by praise when I achieved things. It developed into only thinking I had value if I was those things.

But why does it matter? What do I get from that approval?

I don’t have an answer.

And that is probably an answer in and of itself.

Why does it matter?

I’m happy, mostly healthy, fulfilled, and a lot of other magical things I don’t need to share because I don’t owe anyone an explanation.

I may have moments where my inner child feels like she’s failing, but I also mostly have these incredible realizations that I have more than I ever thought possible.

Why does anything else matter?

Summer Adventures 2022

After three years, I finally made it back to Europe! This trip was two weeks and started in Croatia, led to Paris, and ended in the Champagne region of France! It was absolutely incredible to get back to Europe and experience new cultures.

We also left the day Roe was overturned, so it was honestly a really emotional time and I was happy (and privileged) to leave the country. The state of America also came up quite a bit while we were abroad and I tried my best to answer questions thoughtfully as well as listen to the concerns of others about the United States. What does this have to do with travel tips? EVERYTHING. Travel is a privilege. Experiencing other cultures, meeting people who live life so differently than I do is WHY I do this. The more you can travel and experience other cultures, the more empathy and compassion you have for others. I am beyond lucky to get to do this. It matters to me to come back better for it (and to be a good human while I’m there). You are a GUEST, act like it.

Let’s talk some brief general travel tips!

Planning

I’m a planner for work and by nature. If I’m spending the money and time to fly across the world, I’m doing it right. We usually start planning about 6 months in advance. This allows us a better chance at finding reasonable flights, places to stay and get reservations at the restaurants we want to go to. Especially in a post Covid world (LOL, post covid…right!) where gas is expensive, everyone is traveling and others are planning up to a year in advance, having your shit together matters. Sure, you can wing it, but I know the things I want to see and do and I’m not willing to miss them, so I don’t take that chance.

Flights

• Fly the airlines you have status with if you can. It might be a tad more expensive, but it’s worth it in the long run

• Skyscanner is a great resource if you’re flexible and able to do some research

• The Points Guy gives awesome tips/tricks/reviews for flying abroad

• If you only have enough money to upgrade one way, upgrade your flight home. That’s when you’re more likely to be exhausted and ready to get home in comfort.

• If you can’t afford to upgrade from economy at all, find the rows that don’t have anyone in front of you and snag the aisle seat (this is why you book in advance, get the best seats!)

• Fly in the morning if you can, morning flights are less likely to be canceled and usually on time. Before 10AM is morning

Accommodations

• I don’t stay in Air Bnb’s in the US, they’re usually where all the issues you’re seeing in the news occur

• Air BnB’s abroad are fine but I look for folks with 4.8 stars or more and are super hosts or I don’t consider it. Read the reviews!

• I'‘m a Marriott rewards member who saves their points. We were able to stay 3 nights free at a stunning resort in Dubrovnik (ocean view balcony room!) because of that. Use. Your. Points.

• Stay places that provide you walk able access to the city you’re staying in.

Restaurants

• Now that restaurants are open again, they book fast! Make reservations for every dinner. We even made some breakfast reservations and I’m glad we did

• Do your research. Ask friends, check TripAdvisor, browse the blogger sites. The best restaurants book fast. And I’m not just talking the high end ones.

• Be specific in your reservation. Ask for a table outdoors, with a view and then tip well when you get it

Activities

• I love tours. I love boat tours, tours to National Parks, wine tours, all the things! Book them early and be strategic. Leave time between tour days for wandering the city or lounging on the beach

• TripAdvisor has awesome tours with reviews and you know you’re booking with a reliable company

• Read the reviews! Make sure they talk about locals running these tours so you’re getting really awesome info and the best experience possible

• Bring cash to tip. I cannot emphasize this enough. Do not be the jerk who doesn’t tip!

Summer 2022 Trip Details

Croatia

Some basics:

• Croatia is SO inexpensive. It will be on the Euro soon though so that won’t last long!

• Dubrovnik was by far my favorite city. It felt more idyllic, clean and historic! Split felt really dirty, crowded, and touristy

Dubrovnik

Where we Stayed: Sheraton Dubrovnik (used points, we had a Twin sea view)

• This property was 15 minutes by car from town, so it wasn’t walk able but it was less touristy, stunning and we were able to walk around some smaller villages that were clearly local. It was absolutely perfect to be able to easily access other areas of the city quickly and then retreat back to our quiet resort after

• Splurge for the sea view, it’s stunning

• The spa is WAY less expensive than in the US. I paid $90 for an hour and a half massage and it was easily the best massage of my life

Where we ate: Restaurant Marinero, Panorama Restaurant, Orsan at the Yacht Club, Konoba Bocana

• Everywhere we ate was incredible. Not a bad meal.

• Panorama has the best views ever, take the cable car and go for brunch EARLY. Get the first reservation you can and go enjoy coffee and a meal for hours

What we did: Pool day, spa day, Old Town exploring day! We tried to rent a small boat for the day by the hotel but didn’t reserve in advance so we lost out!

Split

Where we Stayed: This Air BnB. Highly recommend! It was walking distance to everything but wasn’t IN old town where it’s loud. HUGE size and the host was wonderful.

• Don’t stay in the city center, it’s more expensive and super loud/chaotic

• Everything is walk-able from where we stayed

• If you’re there in later summer, ensure your place has AC or it’s unbearable!

Where we ate: Dvor (Michelin Star), Portofino, Bajamonti, Ma Toni, Kat’s Kitchen, Ciri Biri Bella (also a hostel if that’s your vibe!)

• The best and cutest breakfast place was Ciri Biri Bella (we ate there twice!)

• Dvor was amazing, great views, amazing staff but they were out of quite a few menu items when we went, so the experience wasn’t as good as it could have been

• Portofino is the cutest little spot in between two buildings and was SUCH a romantic little setting

What we did: Plitvice Lake Tour, Speedboat Tour, Gooster Beach Club

• Full transparency, if we didn’t have such fun excursions planned, we would have left Split early. It was not an interesting city for us at all

• Plitvices has been on my bucket lit forever so I was beyond happy we did this. it is a LONG day so if it’s not on your bucket list and you don’t like walking or nature, it’s not for you!

• The boat tour was hands down the most fun we had the entire trip. The guides we had were incredibly fun and knowledgeable and the islands were stunning. Bring water shoes, the beaches are all SO painfully rocky

• Gooster is outside of town at Le Meridian and is not a party spot at all. It’s more for relaxing, lounging and getting sun. It was exactly what we wanted and super inexpensive to reserve beds with towels ($40 for the day)

France

Some Basics:

• France is notoriously expensive

• Paris is busy and restaurants require reservations because they’re so small!

Paris

This wasn’t my first time in Paris and we were there for such a short time, we did a TON of walking! We also met up with friends for drinks. Paris in July is beyond crowded. It didn’t interfere with the experience for us, but if you’re crowd adverse, it’s not a good time for you to go!

Where we stayed: This Air Bnb. I cannot recommend it enough. The location is PRIME in the middle of restaurants and shops and easy access to the rest of the city. It is also hidden so it’s quiet inside. The actual apartment is HUGE by Paris standards and extremely comfortable. No AC but the place stayed beyond comfortable and cool and the shower was enormous (which we know is rare in Paris!).

Note: It’s located on a street with sex shops so if you’re conservative, IDK, that might bother you. Please keep in mind, sex in Paris is not taboo or like how we treat it in the US. It was an awesome location and the hosts were AMAZING.

Where we ate: Pink Mamma, Seine Dinner Cruise, HollyBelly

• Pink Mamma is a big “Instagram” spot. It’s the spot to go for cute photos and the line was out the door the entire time we were there. The food was DIVINE (drinks too!) but the service was atrocious. Truly nothing special and I don’t recommend it. There’s plenty of other places to have a better experience in Paris

• HollyBelly is so cute and has the most delicious food! I would definitely go again

What we did: Seine Dinner Cruise, Walked 18 miles around the city!

• The Seine dinner cruise might sound touristy, but locals actually recommend it too. It’s a great way to hit the hot spots from a different viewpoint. There was also a live singer, great food, and decent wine! Highly recommend it!

• When I say we walked the whole city, I mean it! We got in 18 miles because it was our only real day in the city. It was fun to explore shops and see the sights, but definitely prefer to have time to explore more leisurely.

• I recommend going to Luxembourg Gardens with some bread and wine and a book and people watching if you have half a day to do so

The Champagne Region

This was my second time doing a French wine region and did not disappoint. We stayed in Reim (pronounced Ranse), which is the largest city in the region. It has all of the gorgeous French architecture but is small, clean and very idyllic. It’s super easy to navigate and easy to access if you chose to just take the high speed train from Paris for the day.

Where we stayed: This perfect Air BnB. This location was perfection. Literally across from the train station and just a short walk to downtown. Between the train station and this building is also a gorgeous park we hung out in during the day. The host was the sweetest and most accommodating woman and the actual apartment was so cute!

Where we ate: Le Jardin (Michelin Star)

• We stayed here only two nights and tbh, the other two places we ate were just ok so I haven’t listed them

• Le Jardin was pure magic. Easily one of my favorite places we are on the trip. Divine food, gorgeous garden setting. Walk around the French Estate that’s also a hotel before dinner!

What we did: This wine tour

• This was SO much fun! Our guide was a born and bred local who knew his stuff and made the day FUN.

• You definitely get large tastings but also you learn a lot about how to select good champagne and a lot about the history of the region. Truly a really cool experience.

• Choose a tour that shows you local smaller champagne houses as well as a big one. I loved the smaller houses a lot more!

Final Thoughts

We really crushed this trip from a planning perspective. Having reservations, planning out activities as well as down time was truly the best way to go. I really enjoyed that we were able to see and do everything we wanted without feeling rushed or exhausted. There’s nothing that I wish I had seen that we missed. And although I said I didn’t like Split, I’m really glad we went because the excursions we went on were a must do!

Next up? Wait and see…I’ve got some things in the works!

Sometimes there is no explanation

I need an explanation for everything. I want to know why, how and what I could have done differently to avoid a negative situation. I need to know.

A mentor and friend recently explained to me something really simple that has brought me a lot of peace.

“Sometimes people are shitty and things are shitty and there is no other explanation for it.”

Period.

I recently went through a bit of a rough patch and found myself in a toxic situation that I tried every which way to explain. I obsessed over my every move, the move of others in the situation and how I could have strategically done things differently. When I explained this to my friend, he simply said “This person is shitty, your situation is shitty, just walk away knowing that.”

And he’s right.

There’s no deeper meaning or hidden lesson here. Unfortunately I was in a shitty situation and I tried my best to make it work but it wasn’t the right thing for me.

Not everything has an explanation. Not every person is meant for you to understand. Sometimes you get stuck around someone who’s absolute trash and the situation you’re in is garbage.

That’s it.

Don’t overthink it. Save yourself the time and energy. Understand the situation and those people don’t serve you, aren’t meant for you and move on.

Process and recognize what’s happening so you recognize the signs for the future, but most of all, move on.

Focus on what’s next. Look for a better situation. Surround yourself with better people. And just make things better.

Find peace in knowing that life doesn’t provide you with a formal explanation for everything. Sometimes it’s shitty, people are shitty, and that’s that.

Now take a deep breath and go find something to fill up your sparkle.

What's your value?

I have always been an overachiever. I do too much. All day, everyday.

When sports ended, I put that energy into work. And now that I’ve decided I don’t want to give my all to work anymore, I’ve struggled with what my value is.

Who am I when I am not overachieving? What do I bring to the table if I’m not trying to be the best at everything?

For a while I didn’t think I had value outside of those things. I thought that’s all I was.

Truth is, I’m also funny, kind, loyal, fun, adventurous and so many other things. I bring so much to the table that has nothing to do with overachieving at things.

And to be honest, what I do for a living, it’s the least interesting thing about me.

My value outside of overachieving has more to do with how I love myself and how I make others feel.

So I’ve focused more on overachieving in LIFE. In the things that really matter. I put that do too much energy into time with the people I love, travel, fitness — things that bring me joy.

And I’m working really hard at remembering that matters more than anything else, creating a full overachieved LIFE.

At the end of it all, as cliche as it is, nobody cares or remembers the meetings they crushed or the projects they nailed. We remember the times we spent with people we love and enjoying the things we are passionate about.

I know most of you are probably sitting here thinking, this is basic life stuff, nothing profound about it!

It’s profound for me, and a lot of folks like me. We are taught to be the best for so long at sports and school and work that we don’t understand the normal way of living. We don’t know how to prioritize things that don’t lead to awards and scholarships and promotions.

Learning to live and enjoy LIFE is new. And it feels counterproductive and goes against everything we’ve ever been taught. It’s a lot to unlearn.

So if you’re like me, give yourself a shot at living life to its fullest. In overachieving at the stuff that fills you up. Start small. It might mean doing something each day that doesn’t contribute to your job. Do a puzzle, grab a coffee with a friend, get a workout in doing something you love doing, cook a healthy meal. The point is to select something that brings you joy, but it’s not something you can “win.” Do it because it’s enjoyable and makes you feel good.

Go ahead and challenge yourself to keep on overachieving — but only at the things that really matter.

Flip the Switch

I’ve always talked about working really hard at balance. At not giving so much to work. At focusing on getting more out of life. I look back on blogs where I said I’ve changed and I really hadn’t. I still don’t think I have. But now more than ever, I feel like the switch in my brain that puts all the pressure on myself has flipped.

I have always been type A. I have always worked hard. I have never known how to half ass anything. And my take it east is often others’ 110%. I just don’t have an off switch.

A lot of that is I think fear of sitting still. It’s knowing that when I stop moving I hear that voice in my head when I stop that says “get back at it.” It’s the fear of knowing when I stop moving, I have to face the things that have contributed to my anxiety and PTSD. And that never felt possible to face.

I’m not sure whether it’s therapy, changing my circle, taking time to not date or always be talking to someone, or a combination of everything but it all feels a lot more possible to face.

Because I’m more aware of why I am the way I am, why I react the way I react, why I have the fears and feelings I do, I now feel more able to face them and make a change.

Oh, and this casual year three of a pandemic might have caused change too.

The switch still toggles, I wouldn’t say it’s completely flipped, but it’s well on it’s way.

I care less about titles and the grind. I don’t think working 24/7 makes me someone to admire. I don’t care as much about making sure I am the best at everything I do in the workplace. I realize my value is more than what I do and where I do it. I want to experience life outside of the office. I want to travel and spend time with the people who genuinely make me feel good. I value making time for my passion projects.

I think I burnt myself out on overachieving.

And to be honest, what have I really achieved that I place a lot of value on?

I’m exhausted. I care less about the things I’m doing at work. I care less about talking about what people do for a living.

And above all else, I have started to notice when I do prioritize work and the way I talk about careers. I started to notice that other people didn’t do these things. I started to see that I was missing out on relationships and events that are what make life full. And I realized how much I let work and my career define my entire mindset and mood.

I don’t want that anymore. I don’t value that anymore.

I will always work hard. I will always value my reputation. I will always want more out of everything that I do.

I think I’ll always be 110%. I just need to redistribute how and when to do so. I can’t be 110% all the time.

I hope that what you get out of this is that if you’re feeling exhausted and frustrated and ready for a change, you’re not alone. This time has caused a major shift for a lot of us.

Sit in it, marinate in it and let it force a change. If you are not getting the most out of life, you need to make changes. It doesn’t have to be all at once, but you have to make change.

Personally, this pandemic, this country in turmoil, it’s pushed me to the edge and made me want more . I’m not sure what that looks like long term, but I have started to finally, finally actively put boundaries in place and switch up my behavior at the office and in my personal life.

It’s been nothing but positive. So I’m going to keep going. I’m going to keep pushing myself completely out of my normal comfort zone until everything feels right again.

I hope you will too.