The Best

I grew up thinking that in order to be the best you had to train harder, longer and more often than anyone else. And in sports, that’s true. In life, it just doesn’t translate.

Although my athlete mentality is quite helpful in the workplace, it can also be a huge detriment. I’ve spent way too much time giving everything to work, expecting it to give everything back. Relying on the mentality that working the most and producing the most would mean I am the best.

The truth is that it’s not about how much you work, it’s about efficiency and it’s about likability and it’s about fitting into a culture that you often cannot dictate.

Adjusting to a world where not everyone is an athlete is critical to becoming the best competitor in the work space. And that is certainly not easy.

Here are my best learnings and tips for those of you who might be in the same mindset I’ve been in:

This isn’t the Playing Field

Work is not the competition space. You’re not on the field, track or court. Realize that while the career field is a competitive space, it is not as simple as win or lose. There are times to learn, fail, grow and adjust. You cannot simply think of each day as a win or lose situation or you will burnout and miss out on a lot of critical lessons.

Not Everyone is An Athlete

Not everyone has an athlete mentality. Some people are content at status quo. And that’s ok. Not everyone has the need to overachieve. And that’s ok. You are only in control of yourself. Even if you supervise others, you need to be mindful of their personal goals. If they meet their job description, that can be winning for them. Understand not everyone is you.

Cut Yourself a Break

It’s easy to become obsessive as an athlete. We want to be the best, do our best and never quit until we achieve those things. The career space is a lifelong journey. You’ve got to be patient and you’ve got to stick with it for the long run. If you give it your everything every second, you will burnout. Work cannot be your everything.

Anyone else out there struggling with adjusting to life without sports? I’m 10+ years out of that life and I still find myself relating everything I do to being a D1 (and lifelong athlete). It’s an everyday battle to remember that I’m not a competitor anymore. I’m not judged by wins and losses. Giving my best is ok in this new world. And I have to learn to be ok with that too.

Time isn't Even Real

I’m going to be honest, the biggest thing I’ve learned throughout this experience is that time isn’t real.

I know we have to go to work and do all the things that make society run, but in all honesty, we say that we don’t have time for a whole lot of things that we really just want to put off. Or not do at all.

Time has all but stopped. I’m not sure what day it is. Is it still 2020?

Nobody knows.

Here’s my new focus though, time is whatever I want it to be. Truly I think the most positive thing I’ve learned is that most of the things I think I absolutely have to do, I don’t. Because they’ve all but stopped right now.

The places I’m spending my time are face-timing friends and family. I’m reading more (OK fine I already read everyday but now twice a day!). I’m getting at least an hour in to just walk outside and enjoy nature. I’m writing. I’m putting energy into helping others.

I know that for most of us we have more time because we are working less. A lot of our daily responsibilities have changed. The point is though that we have the power to prioritize. You are not participating in these things and the world still turns. You’re forced to slow down and society still goes on without you.

My biggest flaw is that I don’t know how to take time to realize just sitting still or being in nature is a valid use of my time. I always find that I need to fill time with meaningful projects. Truth bomb? Time spent on myself is a meaningful project.

So when we get through all of this, really take inventory of how you spend your time. Are you prioritizing the right things or are you wasting your life on things that don’t matter? Get honest and get real. I hope that if anything this time has given you a positive perspective on how really not real time is. The only thing that is real about it is that we have limited use of it. So make it meaningful to your soul.

Stay Home.

All we have heard lately is stay home. Shelter in place. Lockdown. And yet thousands upon thousands of people still don’t get it.

Simply put it means stay home. If you are not considered essential need, stay home. If you do not have to go somewhere for work or to get essential need items, stay home.

I’m struggling with people who aren’t getting it. I don’t understand how it’s so hard to consider others and stay home to protect them.

I don’t understand how people don’t see how privileged they are to know they should stay home and to go outside anyways. To think “oh I could never spread that, my friends don’t have that.” To not fear getting sick. To not fear giving a very serious sickness to others.

And if you still cannot wrap your head around that, understand that the longer you decide to ignore these rules, the longer we are in this situation.

Nobody wants to stay home. We all miss really important people to us. But we are lucky. A lot of us really really lucky.

I don’t mean to belittle anyone’s hardships. This is hard. Everyone is giving up something. People are shutting down businesses. They’re away from family. They are dealing with mental and physical health concerns. But having perspective right now is everything.

There is so much we cannot control. And it’s horrible and it’s hard and it’s scary. But perspective and finding any silver lining we can is how we make it through. Cry. Scream. Feel hopeless. Then get back up and survive.

Extreme conditions bring out true character. This is the time that you either give up, focus on yourself, or you dig deep and you thrive.

Stay home. Stay home for you. Stay home for me. Stay home for the doctors and nurses who cannot. Stay home because people in grocery stores are getting yelled at for minimum wage just to keep us fed. Stay home so that the small businesses can reopen again. Stay home so that we can get our lives back.

Just fucking stay home.

Get it Together

Alright, so we are stuck here for quite some time. And while I certainly don’t love being stuck in quarantine, I’m also very aware hat I’m lucky to have everything I need. I’m choosing to be productive. Yes I have decided to get my shit together.

So what am I doing?

All the things, and you can too!

Cleaning and Organizing

I’ve cleaned my apartment every other day so far. That’s extreme, I get it. But I finally feel like I’ve got the time to really deep clean, baseboards and all! I’ve also spent time organizing and decluttering. When things get better, I’ve got 4 whole bags of stuff I don’t need that I can donate.

Reading

I read every night anyways, but now I’m reading during the day too! If you’ve got a library card, you can create an online account and have access to thousands of books and magazines for FREE. Bonus? Make it a social thing and do a virtual book club!

Blogging

I have more time to actually focus on writing now that we are home and my workload has significantly slowed down. I feel like I’m investing is something I’m passionate about more often rather than just writing to get a blog out. Perhaps you could journal? Having a way to get out your feelings is super beneficial to mental health.

Facetime

I am so not a phone person. I’d rather text any day of the week. Given that my day to day has a ton of social interaction, it’s just easier and leaves me less drained to check in with my humans via text. Now that there’s legitimately zero human interaction, I’m video chatting with my people more often. It helps to see someone and their facial reactions to keep a human connection in your life.

Arts & Crafts

They have so many grown up arts and crafts activities these days! From coloring books to paint sets to my personal favorite, BEDAZZLING - there’s a lot of activities an Amazon Prime away! Also a huge fan of breaking out the puzzles to keep me engaged.

Fitness

I’m an active girl. I need to move and be outside everyday or my mental health suffers. I’ve been active in walking or running outside for an hour (while being sure to remain away from anyone!). A ton of big name studios are also offering free online classes (CorePower is my fav). Take advantage and do some in home workouts. You truly don’t need fancy equipment to get a good sweat in!

How are ya’ll staying busy right now? Send me your ideas!

Forced Feelings

Wow. So about a week into this whole social distancing aka quarantini season - my anxiety realized - we are alone with our thoughts. Like all the time.

And that’s when the panic sit in.

One of the crutches of my anxiety is the ability to stay busy. I am the queen of avoidance, which is really how I got to my 30’s before I started dealing with managing my mental health in a truly healthy way.

Even my “chill” days are filled with workouts, cleaning, me prepping, laundry — I don’t do lazy days. There is no 5 hour Netflix binge, no “I slept all day.” It’s not a thing for me. Ever.

So here I am, 24/7, just me and my dog because I’ve got a shitty immune system, asthma, and a really strong will to live.

I don’t like it. Being forced to sit around and think about trauma, anxiety, life — that’s not an easy road I enjoy going down.

I get that it’s healthy to think and work through your issues, and most people I’m sure you sit down and do this and it’s all just this thing where butterflies fly and angels sing and then you go to Whole Foods for a smoothie or something. For me, a trip down memory and life lane can get dark.

Thats what anxiety is. It’s a dark shadow and it’s a liar. My life, it’s good. Like really good. Sure ok I’ve had my share of the bad and the weird and the ugly. And yet I’ve also been given my share of the really fucking incredible. Anxiety though, it tells you that things aren’t good. It says oh you think you have a good life? What if this happens? It could.

That’s how my brain works now. It’s a lot of immediate lefts into “but what if…” and a few of the “you should be doing this or have that…”

I think this is the part where I am supposed to say I did xyz and I’m better. But I don’t have an answer. I’m simply doing my best. I’m continuing to go to therapy (shout-out to modern technology), I’m heavy into my fitness, I’m connecting with my humans, I’m journaling(ish) — I’m using my tools.

But I’m still struggling. And to be honest, the hardest part about a global pandemic is people never think about the strong friends. Everyone’s barely hanging on, and everyone needs help, but rarely are people going to the sparkle queen to ask about her mental health.

And that’s ok. Everyone is struggling right now. Everyone. It’s ok to be scared and struggling. Use your tools. Ask for help. Offer support. Take a moment when you don’t have the capacity to help others. Show up for yourself first so you can show up for everyone else. We need you. We need me.

Mental health right now, it’s a whole lot of things. A whole lot of forced feelings. I don’t have the answer. But hopefully it helps to know you’re not alone. You matter. And yea. I still think we got this.

Shelter in Place

The last time I heard the words shelter in place, I was in an active shooter situation. I realize that what we are experiencing right now is not the same danger. Yet my anxiety is saying differently.

I am anxious. I am stressed. I am scared.

I don’t normally subscribe to the philosophy of thinking that everything could be worse. I think its an extreme way to belittle feelings and avoid confronting very real problems. But for now — and for the foreseeable future, it is what I live by.

For the survival of my mental health, reminding myself that I have everything I need to make it through this is vital. Not everyone has shelter, food, a job, a support system — and many won’t make it through this to begin with. I have all of that and more and I will be just fine.

I get why people panic, I truly do. Uncertainty, the need to protect yourself and your loved ones, that lights a fire under us all. But I am so sick of seeing everyone do so at the expense of others. I don’t know why its so hard for some people to care about the well being of others. Humanity depends on this to survive. At the very least, you should know and understand that.

I don’t have the energy to go into it all.

I just want to say to be kind to yourself and each other. Have empathy. Feel what you feel, distance yourself from the fear, but stay connected to the people who love you. Practice loving yourself and others as much as you possibly can. Give to others as much as you can. Help others as much as you can.

This thing will end. We will come out of it and things will go back to normal. I hope that you will be proud of who you were doing this time.

I am anxious. I am stressed. I am scared.

I know you are too.

Panicked

It is obviously a very strange and stressful time in our world right now. Everywhere we turn there is more scary news about the Coronavirus. And that’s causing a panic.

We should absolutely be taking this very seriously. It is a very serious virus and has proven to shut down entire nations. But there is absolutely no reason to panic.

I obviously life with anxiety. And I’m scared too because I have a compromised immune system.

I am also a realist. And I care about myself and others. So I am choosing not to panic. I am also choosing to self quarantine. You should be doing these things as well.

If you have anxiety, this is a challenge. So let’s talk about to make it easier.

Limit Exposure

I mean this literally by social distancing but I also mean in the form of a digital detox. Stay informed with reputable and real sources (aka stop listening to the White House), but limit the amount of negative information you are exposing yourself to. Log off social media where a lot of the information available is wrong. Turn the channel if you’ve already spent time updating yourself for the day. The more you take in the content that is negative, the more you will panic. Turn it off, turn off the thing that is exacerbating your anxiety.

Stay Occupied

Distractions are everything. Been meaning to clean out your closet and donate old clothes? Is that book your friend recommended gathering dust on your bedside table? Still have that Pilates class waiting in your DVR? Do those things. Choose positive distractions during this time. Do all the things we all put off in our regular busy lives. And if it doesn’t bring you joy, don’t do it.

Create a Safe Space

You’re going to be spending a lot of time at home. Put in the work to make it a safe and comfortable space for you. Prepare with the supplies you need (prepare, NOT panic), make a cozy space, clean and organize. Do everything you need to do in order to feel joy and calm in your space. The more you feel “at home” the easier it is to actually spend well, all of your time there.

Invest in the right kind of social

No, not social media. We are social beings, we need that connection. FaceTime your family and friends. Text with them. Send cards, emails, tag the memes! Continue to remain connected in a healthy low risk way to the people that are important to you. Even the most introverted person in the world is not going to survive with no human contact.

Keep moving

My fitness game the last week has been on point. Get outside. Go for a walk (if you’re in a suburban or rural area, city kids sorry - keep your workouts at home), sit outside, get a workout class in (virtually). Mental health is connected to physical health. Don’t sit too long. Don’t sleep all day. Get moving.

Eat healthy

Again, health body, healthy mind. You can still order groceries online. Cool healthy meals. Eat healthy snacks. You’ve got time to show your Pinterest board the recipes you’ve been saving are actually going to be out to use. Sure, indulge, but eat as healthy as you can.

I know, things seem bleak right now. Things are hard. They’re straight up not fun. And for a lot of people, they are terrifying. Show up for yourself and others by doing the right thing. Stay home. Be kind. Help others where you can. We will get through this, but we have to do it together.

Perfection

Growing up my safe space has always been to aim for perfection. When I fall short of that, I dwell in a really negative space. If I make a mistake at work, I say something unkind — I am not able to let that go.

Perfection is not attainable. It is not real. It’s not even really cool.

Yet at 34, I still cannot run far from that need to be perfect.

Growing up an athlete, it is ingrained in you to be the best at everything. And if you’re not the best, you work harder until you are. I have carried that throughout my adult life. It’s exhausting.

I spend a lot of time in therapy learning to cut myself a break. Because in reality, I’m not perfect and I never will be.

Something I have started is spending time talking positively to myself, about myself. I’m supposed to work to make at least 50% of the thoughts in my head positive. That sounds easy but I’d say 90% of my thoughts are not kind.

Every time I speak negatively in my head to myself, I am challenging myself to say something positive to counter that mean thought.

Being a perfectionist with anxiety is a bit of a curse, and it truly doesn’t work. Especially given that I often don’t have a filter. Retraining you’re mind to focus on the good, well it just makes the good better. It amplifies the sparkle and makes your whole world shine.

I know I’m not alone. A lot of former athletes (and a lot of humans in general) relate to the need to be perfect. It’s all we know to strive for.

What if we changed the narrative and strived to be great as we are? If we focused on how badass we are? If we let ourselves be flawed and be thankful for that?

I challenge you to spend more time living and less time focusing on how to live perfectly. When you thrive in spaces that are uncomfortable — you might just find some of the most magical moments of your life.

I had an Epiphany

The other day, I was being very introspective and in my feels. And that led me to an epiphany.

I am at peace.

I’ve certainly got a long way to go to be completely comfortable in life and I have my very off days - but for the most part, I am simply at peace.

For a really long time (is this my favorite way to start a sentence?) I was always in turmoil. Always struggling to not let the actions and words of others affect me.

From traumas to friendships to work — I would internalize everything and allow it to completely control my inner peace.

Through therapy, and a whole lot of commitment each day, I think I’ve got an initial understanding of how to combat that.

I’ve made myself happy.

I detach from things and people who bring me great stress, I put a lot of time towards the things that make me feel whole, and I repeat over and over to myself — that is not yours to control.

I haven’t ever been a judgmental person. It’s not in my nature. BUT, I do think that when I’m unhappy with myself, I find ways to be unhappy with others. I’ll be less patient with a coworker or I’ll make a snippy comment about a friend.

Lately, that’s not been a thing. For the most part, I have more patience, less internal bitterness, and more namaste.

Because I am a very instant gratification, what’s the purpose, when do we achieve the goal type A person — I want to have tangible results on things. Even therapy. And after a year of steadily committing to it, I was thinking where has it brought me and what has it taught me.

And the biggest thing I realized is this peace. The ability to let things go as not mine to own. And to genuinely not feel on the defensive 24/7. To not constantly be waiting for what’s next and allowing my anxieties to convince me of things that simply are not true.

Everything is not perfect, but all the sparkles are falling into place. I’m not naive enough to believe everything will be sparkles and rainbows forever, but I am confident I have better tools to manage the storms. Acknowledging that I am at peace gives me the realization that I have all the tools in front of me. When things get hard, I have everything I need to get through it.

My biggest piece of advice for those of you struggling with anxiety is to find peace within yourself. Figure out what that looks like and how to achieve it. And harness it. Go back to that place whenever you can. Write down what gets you there. Create a toolbox that you can rely on when things get tough. Because they will. They always will.

I had an epiphany the other day, and it has everything to do with the faith I have in myself.

Chill Bruh

I’ve always been one of those people who can’t sit still. From the moment I was born I have been nonstop energy. But humans are not built to go at high speed 24 hours a day. Eventually, you have to rest.

For those of us who are lifelong athletes, type A overachievers, and forever do better folks — sitting still is a weakness. It means you’re wasting time that could be spent doing more and achieving more.

I have that ingrained in my brain. My anxiety flares when I am doing nothing. If I’m watching TV or sitting around lounging, my anxiety tells me I’m wasting time. It tells me I need to be doing something. Blogging, working out, cleaning, working — whatever it is — my anxiety tells me to DO SOMETHING.

But as I get to know myself, I also recognize that doing nothing allows my brain time to think. It gives me time alone to reflect on trauma, insecurities, and that’s another reason I just don’t like doing it.

Yet without alone time, I run on empty. I get overwhelmed, feel suffocated, and my immune system shuts down. That time to recharge is literally what I need to build back up my sparkle to get back at being my best.

Over the 2019 holiday season I spent two weeks traveling and 24/7 with people. I then went into a busy week at work followed by a week at a work conference (with pneumonia no less). When I got back my mom was kind enough to drive down and bring my dog back as well as spend time with me. It was all lot of weeks of fun, but also extremely draining.

So I spent the next two days doing …nothing. I watched TV, did face masks, worked out, did laundry — which sounds like a lot of things but for me that’s practically sitting motionless for two whole days.

I absolutely felt guilty about it too. I thought I should do more, run errands, catch up on work, truly DO SOMETHING productive. But I also forced myself to just be low key. I know that it’s what my body and mind needed to reset to a peaceful place.

Life is short, that’s definitely true. You really should maximize your time while you’re here. But me time, time to recharge, that’s important. It’s a huge part of being your best self, which is what life is about. You can’t do it all, but if you want to do the things you are doing with your full self - chill once in awhile and really appreciate the moment.